Guilt management is a very real skill after all.
- Yes64% (16)57% (13)60% (29)Vote
- No16% (4)13% (3)15% (7)Vote
- Nervous laugh0% (0)0% (0)0% (0)Vote
- Ignore the question4% (1)9% (2)6% (3)Vote
- Cry or get emotional8% (2)0% (0)4% (2)Vote
- Get defensive4% (1)9% (2)6% (3)Vote
- Accuse them of cheating on you4% (1)12% (3)9% (4)Vote
Most Helpful Girl
Deny deny deny0
Most Helpful Guy
Honestly, I don't know what I would do. I can tell you for certain that I wouldn't do something really childish such as accusing her of cheating or getting all defensive. That's just stupid. But I can't say for sure whether I'd admit or deny it. If it happened to myself, I would definitely want to know about it and I'd expect my girlfriend to tell me. Now, that seems like an awful double standard but I don't think it is because my girlfriend and I think about cheating quite differently. The problem is that society sort of forces us into an unnatural system called monogamy. But then, when you're in there and you make a mistake (and you've got the courage to stand up to it), you usually get punished for your honesty and courage. I think that's messed up. Cheating to me is a bit like a recovering alcoholic being sober for 5 or 10 years, only to have a really bad day some time and get drunk. Now, that's nothing to be proud of but we also shouldn't shame the poor guy to death. There should be a climate where he can openly admit "I'm very sorry but yesterday I fucked up. I just couldn't take it anymore and got myself a few bottles of gin" without having to fear that all his friends and his spouse will turn against him.
This is why I've told my girlfriend in the very beginning of our relationship that I guarantee her with all of my heart that I won't break up with her if she cheats on me some time in the future. It's extremely important for me to create a climate of trust, where she can come to me and say "I'm very sorry... I fucked up. But I want to tell you about it." Though I might be disappointed for a moment, I don't see the point of being pissed. Being angry about the past useless. What's important is thinking about the future: what can we do so that this doesn't happen again? Why did she cheat? Are there things she's perhaps unhappy about that we should change? This way, cheating can also be turned around into a big opportunity for positive change in a relationship. Unfortunately, many young people these days are too weak and lazy to put in that work.
My girlfriend has quite a different view on the whole thing. She explicitly told me "I don't think I could still love you if I knew you've cheated on me". Thus, I believe it would probably be better to deny it if it ever happened. It's not the gentleman-way and I do wish there was another way but I feel like she (like most women) doesn't leave me another choice.
My girlfriend on the other hand thinks0