Why Do You Have To Be Mean To Get Anything Accomplished These Days?

I'm really curious about this question and your experience with 'being nice'. Whenever I'm nice or keep my mouth shut, I get walked all over. However, when I turn into bitch mode, I'm told I'm mean but I get stuff accomplished. Like, I don't understand. Why can't you just get things accomplished being nice instead of having to go into crazy heifer mode? Why do I have to be mean to get anything done? I'm 27 and I always have to be mean to get anything accomplished, whether it's work, friends, family, my apartment management complex... I just don't get it.

If you want example, my sink plumbing started leaking into my apartment wall. I call for maintenance. He temporarily fixes it. It leaks the next week. I call again. I'm told I need new pipes. Another week goes by and the water damage to my wall is completely visible and still no new pipes. I go to the front office and complain. They said they'd be up in an hour. They came in 2 days, replaced the pipes 2 more days later, and then LEFT the pile of broken pipes in front of my door for over a week. That's when I go ape shit in the office, cussing, yelling, calling the manager an idiot, and threatening not to give them my rental check. My old pipes were removed from my doorstep and my wall fixed 30 minutes later.

I'm not understanding. Why is being nice a license for someone to be treated like crap? I hate having to be mean to get stuff done.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Yeah, this is pretty true. It does seem to be that when you're nice about something, people think they can walk all over you, take advantage of you, think to themselves, "Ah, she's too nice, she won't complain about it, so we can be as lax as we want."

    Even in my older young adult life, I myself have had to become a lot more stern with people. I'm more concerned about people getting their job done than whether or not they think of me as an asshole for having to get tough about it.

    I hear you.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Good question.
    Because people don't understand good authority and respect anymore, they have to be beaten into it... for it to be effective...

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What Guys Said 1

  • have u ever tried being calm reasonable and normal

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    • Um... that would be the 'nice' part, would it not?

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    • being nice and friendly and open with people will get more things done and easier than being a raging bitch

    • You obviously aren't understanding what I'm saying nor did you read my original post because had you done this, you wouldn't have said that. Please read things before responding to them, thank you.

What Girls Said 16

  • You don't have to be mean, you have to refuse to take people's shit and stand up for yourself. I used to be a push over, who was nice to everyone and never spoke up. I realized that speaking up for myself didn't mean I had to be a total bitch more often than not. You have to be stern, forward and maybe rustle a few jimmies, but RARELY (though there are some situations where you do) do you necessarily have to throw a fit.

    Nonetheless it's because people are opportunistic. If someone is a pushover who just takes their shit with zero consequence they have no reason not to push their boundaries. Like any animal in the wild, predators go after the weakest of the pack, not the strongest.

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  • People don't respect meek and polite people anymore. Society is so focused on "bullying" but I think part of the reason there are so many bullies is because when you do try to be polite and diplomatic, no one takes you seriously. so you have to turn your bitch on to get what you deserve a lot of the time.

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  • Give them an inch, they'll take a mile. If you let someone do something to you, they'll keep offending. If you lay down the law and make sure they know you'll do something harsh if they step out of line, you get results.

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  • People who are nice are usually the type of people that people want to protect, won't take seriously or both. If you want people to take you seriously, you'd have to be assertive. You don't have to be mean to get things done, you shouldn't be anyway. Assertive is the way to go.

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  • I think you mean assertive, not mean. A lot of parents these days raise their kids to be weenies instead of teaching them how to be firm, assertive, and stand up for themselves. You won't get very far otherwise.

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  • You don't have to be mean, just assertive. There is a world of difference between the two.

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  • I think people like being told what to do, that's just how they are. I told off a mean hairdresser and she asked to be my friend later! I was so shocked but she was srs.

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  • Your problem and reaction both are genuine. I such matters getting infuriated is natural.
    Otherwise in general one shouldn't compromise his/her respect and self esteem.

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  • You just have to mediate between the two... Being nice only when absolutely necessary and being mean when you have to.
    There is such a thing as being too nice and that is when people start to take advantage of you.. I'm used to it but most of the time I speak up and that's when I'm considered mean but no one takes me so seriously until I completely change it.
    Stating boundaries will help to so people know when you are serious and not.

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  • I think something about being mean demands respect and instills fear

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  • I'm lazy so I only read the first few lines, sorry.

    When I want people to pay attention to me, I put on an act of being happy. People respond to positive energy, not the frowny bastard who's looking for attention.

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    • Considering I just swore, maybe being overly outgoing might actually come off as rude.

  • Thats life... nice people r taken advantage of unless ur a rich hot celeb

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  • Because it's not about being mean or nice. It's about being assertive and letting people know that you have boundaries which they should respect.

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  • You can be nice and assertive without being mean. If you're nice without being assertive, yes, companies will walk over you. They have more demanding customers to tend to first so they don't get sued. It's something I've seen in a lot of businesses. They complete tasks faster for the customers that pay high prices or have a temper ("I'm gonna sue you!!"). Meanwhile, they ignore the nice customers, because they know those people won't cause problems for them or because they get their service for free.

    There's just a high level of disrespect in this world. Due to all the very negative people, more time and attention is focused on their needs, so nobody pays attention to the sweet, quiet ones. There simply isn't enough time to get everything done.

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  • Lack of HONOR.

    I'm not talking about respect- that must be earned. But we, the human race, regardless of religion and color, are failing to HONOR our fellow human beings. In a narcissistic world, no one wants to believe that we are all equal. And if you are polite, they take it as a sign of weakness.

    Haha, sorry for getting kinda preachy there.

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  • this is so true I have to act so fake and be a total cunt just to get people to understand the words that are coming out of my mouth and it has left me totally resentful of humanity in general

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