Is this a selfish reason for not wanting to have my own biological children?

Ever since my parents started working full time, they expected me to basically be on call to take care of my disabled brother. I was fine with it at first, because when it first started I was still in high school but when I got to college and they still expected me to put my life on hold, it made me realize I don't want biological children. Afterwards I realize a ton of others reasons I may not want my own children. I love my brother but I desperately need to know what it is like to live my own life. One that doesn't have to do with taking care of someone else. It definitely hurts knowing people from my graduating class are more successful. By the end of the year, my mom said she will be making enough money to hire someone to take care of him. Which is good because I want to move out within a year to a year and a half. However, adoption is still a possibility. My parents want more grandchildren. Which I wonder they feel about grand-dogs? And it's awkward hearing that they will get grandchildren out of me because of my "child-bearing hips"

***By by the way, based on my blood type (I am RH negative) and assuming I get pregnant by someone who is RH positive, it is more likely for me to have miscarriages. I can get a shot to lower the chances, but it's still likely. And the chances of me getting a miscarriage go up if I have more children.***


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Most Helpful Guy

  • For sure, having kids isn't for everyone. I have no kids and recently got a vasectomy. I just don't want them or the time and effort and expense it takes to raise them. Never feel guilty or selfish for going after what you want. There is no guarantee anyway that parenthood is a rewarding or fulfilling experience. Having kids isn't always about birthdays, fun times and celebrations. You need to have kids because YOU want them, not because someone else thinks you should. I also understand what you are going through with your brother, sorta. I kinda had the same experience helping my parents raise my younger siblings. I am the the oldest of 5. My youngest 2 siblings came along when I was 13 and 14 years old. (I think they both were 'oops') Anyway, once I was done college and working full time, I still lived at home just to save money. My mom would rag on me all the time because I wasn't doing anything to help out. She would point out all the messes around the house that no one was cleaning. They weren't my messes, they were my younger siblings! My mom kept calling them "babies" and therefore too young to take care or pick up after themselves when they were at the age of 8-10!!! This is just one of many many things that turned me off of having kids and a family of my own.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Who cares, it's your body and you are in no way required to have babies. Do what you want, whatever makes you happy not others.

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What Guys Said 2

  • There's nothing wrong with your decision. As a (physically) disabled person, I should perhaps say however that having children and caring for a disabled family member... it's probably not the same ;-).
    Apart from that, I don't see anything wrong with your decision, as long as you don't judge others for wanting children.
    Personally I love children and I really, really want some. I've never cared much until I was 26 or so but during the last 2 years of my life, I suddenly started having very strong father feelings ;-). I also don't quite get what people mean by "having their own life". I don't think I'm a person who needs lots of alone time. But that's just me. If you feel like you don't want children, you shouldn't have them.

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    • No judgement over here. My best friend is 12 weeks pregnant and I couldn't be more happy for her. 😊 Especially considering when we were in high school, she was convinced she couldn't have kids and she was heartbroken.

    • Yes... I think having children is a bit of a "calling". Either you feel it, or you don't. If you feel it, that's great because personally, I believe children can make your life happier. If you don't feel it, it's also no problem because you can still be a happy person without children :-).

  • I think you shouldn't make a decision about that rn because no one knows the future. However if you do decide on adoption, go for it. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that as long as you're happy.

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What Girls Said 3

  • there's thing selfish about not having kids. most people with kids dont have time for anything else. Its not like there's NO EWAY to contribute to society unless you make babies. i guess many women must feel that way bc guys never ask if they are selfish for not wanting kids.

    selfish would be having kids you dont want bc its easier than just saying no. not fair to the kid.

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    • typo:)

      "there is nothing* selfish about not having kids"

    • and thats a fair point that if you DO want kids adopting is the most altruistic least selfish way to do it.

    • Exactly. My sister was only two years older than me when she had her only child. No one seems to question that decision. And that is a decision she can't take back. If I change my mind I will adopt.

  • No. I'm the same way. I personally don't want children for many different reasons. It doesn't make you selfish. It's your life so you can do what you want.

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  • I think considering adoption is the least selfish thing one could do :)

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