Contradictory people - how to deal?

In my lifetime I have met few of that kind of people, as I called them: contradictory people.
Basically, that kind of people would do really nice and really horrible things to you. I don't get why are they like that and I wondered have you ever met people like that?

Currently at my work place I have this female coworker and she is one moment nice to me than another ignorant even rude. Sometimes she would act as my best friend and another time like we don't know each other. I have confronted her about some issues and once her response was: sorry and she changed what the problem was; and another time she said to me: well, I am rude and arrogant. Chatting can also be challenging: she would share personal information, than another time she would get offended for someone indiving her privacy by asking anything.

At work I have to deal with her and I don't know what is the best way? Any advices?
When I'm distand and cold I feel like a bad guy when she is nice; and when I'm nice I feel like an idiot when she gets rude. Like I don't wanna deal w her, I'm mostly now avoiding her and interact when I really must. Like what is her problem? What do you guys think?

I had the same experience with the guy I liked, one day he would be so good and than another so uncaring and rude... I think plus and minus equal minus , so I don't consider them good people...
Have you ever met this kind of people and how did you deal?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I consider workplace and romance to often be very different dynamics.

    In a workplace, two-faced people can drive you insane if you let them get to you. But to me the real problem is not so much that they're two-faced. It's the fact that they have this other side. Even if they didn't hide the other side and were just hostile to you every chance you get and spreading false rumors about you, that can be just as nasty.

    Those types of people are often very quick to judge, will almost never change their mind, tend to feel threatened easily by others, can think rising up in position boils down to putting others down, and generally don't give people a fair chance once their minds are made up (which happens very quickly).

    For dealing with those types, unless you have an equally mean spirit about you, often the best thing you can do is just not let it get to you, to be the bigger person always. If alliances start forming, often the two-faced person will lose in that scenario if the other person is resilient to their tactics and is constantly exhibiting a better character.

    Romance can be quite a bit different. Feelings of love or attraction can often be accompanied by fear in people who aren't so emotionally mature. In those cases, the person isn't necessarily two-faced but conflicted about their feelings towards a person. That's a different dynamic because their outward behavior might be the same, but internally they are genuinely conflicted.

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    • 3mo

      thank you so much, this is really helpful, honestly, I feel like finally when I ask something someone actually answers on point. I do have to digest all you said too. I'm glad you explaind romance and work colleagues separately. Some things make so much more sense now to me about that past romance thing. But about this issue, I can be really mean but sure I wanna be a bigger person but not to look dumb. Any more adivce you might have please to share. :) Have you ever met this kind of people and how did you deal?

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    • 3mo

      Some people are just going to be jerks even to those who are respectful and kind to them. We can't control what others think and feel, we can only control ourselves. And we can't exactly control our feelings, but you can train yourself not to act negatively on those feelings.

      It is possible to be really angry at a person and still take a gentle and diplomatic action -- it takes a bit of training but it's not impossible. And you'll come out feeling better for it when there's no ambiguity whatsoever that you did nothing wrong, to let things slide. It'll raise no questions beyond, "That person is a jerk and gives no respect even to those who provide it" -- end of story. It's easy to move on with your life and not feel scarred by it if you don't cave in.

    • 3mo

      Thank you so much. I have been having a lot of troubles lately and had a hard time being strong and holding it all together while doing right things. I guess I just have to be persistent in my way and not let others make me dubt it or stop me; but it's not easy trying to be smart. Hopefully you will be available if I'll have more questions! :) for now I gotta go so tnx for all your effort, you are really smart :)

What Guys Said 3

  • Sounds like emotional issues or drugs to me. It is instability... she may be bipolar or something extreme like that where she changes quickly.

    I don't have suggestions at the moment how to deal with it other than to find other friends who are more emotionally balanced. They may not be as fun, but level headed. they do exist.

    They are not good people because you can't rely on them, I agree.

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  • You cannot argue against contradictory people because they are constantly flip flopping. I tend to just smile at such people thinking 'you're dumb as a plank of wood aren't you'.

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    • 3mo

      It's a drag when you have to work w someone like that... you just don't know what you gonna get and you always have to mentally prepared... it just pisses me off, why would I have to adjust to her? Like if she chose to be nice I gotta too, but if she is rude then I gotta be distant, like seriously. And she is not dumb but I guess has some issues w herself

    • 3mo

      If I was you, I'd keep things strictly professional with her. I always watch who I socialise with at work and I mind my P's and Q's. I just focus on the job in hand and go home.

  • I don't know, but include me out! Nah, jk. That's old news. ;)

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What Girls Said 1

  • That's exactly how the majority of people are. You should learn to deal with it.

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