Why do I obsessed over shit like this?

24 [F] and is moving to NYC to start a new life for myself.

I have been down for a while, I've been a bum, and just been in a very depressing state of mind. Family has been breaking me down like crazy and my childhood was full of emotional abuse.

I never really had friends, or any love life. I'm not fat, hideous or anything like that. Not to say that fat people are unattractive, and even if I was the ugliest person in the world I shouldn't feel like this.

But anyhow, I am now getting my life back on track. I have a job opportunity in NYC (not my dream job), but its doable, anyhow, I will be working towards a career. I ordered new clothes, getting my hair did nice, and just bringing myself up to a new person.

I just feel like everyone will be in total shock as if I done something wrong, I feel like my neighbors are watching and I feel like they think this is who I am, and that I don't want anything in life. My family tells them lies about me and I just feel like people will always call me out about the past.

A guy complimented me today, I took it well, smiled at him and walked home crying, cause I know if my siblings knew a good looking guy complimented me today they would remind me of how he wouldn't like me if he knew about my past.

Anyway to not give a shit? And keep going. This feeling is making me lose sight of the future?


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What Guys Said 2

  • My background is Christianity where if we confess, He forgives. God's forgiveness means your past is "fully expunged" from any record.
    My life verse is "If anyone is in Christ (having placed full faith in Christ as savior) he is a New Creation, the old life is past and behold the new life has come" (meaning you have a new I. D. and citizenship in your New Life).
    If this makes any sense to you then I suggest you find a Bible believing church in NYC.
    Nevertheless, best wishes to you in your new life.

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  • So you're getting a job, getting things in right place and you feel bad? You're far better than those that just give up and stop caring, you're doing great! I don't know. what it is about your past, but what you're doing now will bring yoi great future.

    Just remember, you're one of a kind.

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