Would you stay married for the kids?

I know a lot of people that do this. They stay married for the kids till they reach a certain age where they won't be affected as much.

I honestly think that I would, simply to not hurt my kids.

Whats your opinion?


1|2
39|30

Most Helpful Girl

  • That's a difficult question. I honestly think it comes down to the parents.

    Put it this way. If me and my boyfriend had children and separated, I know that we would be respectful to each other, our children would not be punished.
    My parents the other hand...
    Firstly I would like to say that when my mum was 4 months pregnant with me, my brother (their son) died at 4 years 10 months. My mother did not want to be a mum again, she drank through her pregnancy with me, she was hospitalised because she wouldn't eat... And I 100% get it. And I understand her not wanting to have me. Sadly, she took it out on me. Hence why since the divorce we don't speak. She told me to my face she wished I was dead and my dad came home to find her smothering me with a pillow as a baby.

    My whole childhood was fights with my parents. I don't remember a single happy time.
    I was afraid of my dad until I was 8. I spent my childhood alone, me and my 3 remaining brothers were trained to be silent at all times. My parents fought constantly, my dad drank heavily, but my mum would throw hot tea, saucepans, phones, etc. Windows were broken all the time. Rows were "normal" to me. I had to read bedtime stories to my mum, not the other way around.

    Now I know it's a long story but my dad couldn't divorce my mum until I was of age. If I was under 15 the court would automatically give me to my mum (the same woman who wished me dead) purely because she's my mum. And I was the real problem - I wasn't a problem child but the age and gender and everything meant the courts would favour my mum. My dad stuck it out for my sake.

    0|2
    0|0
    • Show All
    • 3mo

      Yes JC for PM!!!

    • 2mo

      Thanks for MH

Most Helpful Guy

  • Everyone one I know who had their parents divorce when they were kids talk about how it ruined them. It was hell, they lost a piece of themselves and even as adults they have commitment issues, anger issues, or inability to handle stress. Admittedly this is only fifteen - twenty people but still it's striking.
    I'm not married but if I was and my marriage started tanking would I stay in it for the kids knowing how marriage adversely affects them? Damn I hope I have the strength to say yes, to put my kids before myself, which is what a parent should do.
    But in all honesty , as with most of life's major developments, we really don't know what we will do until we are in that scenario. Here's hoping none of us ever have to face that decision , for us, for our loved ones, and for our children.

    0|1
    0|0
    • 3mo

      My parents divorced when I was 8 and although I didn't quite understand at the time, I realize it was for the best. I turned out just fine and still have a great relationship with my mom and my dad. There's so much crap that I would've had to go through had they stayed married. I'm thankful for how my life turned out thus far. I also know lots of others like me with divorced parents and their lives have been equally great.

    • 2mo

      Thanks for MHO

What Girls Said 38

  • As someone who has been raised with parents who fight non stop, don't say they love each other and openly admit to staying together purely for financial and other reasons, I can promise anyone that staying together just for kids does FAR more harm. I'd LOVE to see my parents happy and in loving relationships than seeing constant 24/7 fighting and tension at home. I don't see someone understanding this till they've had to deal with it their entire childhood

    11|4
    1|0
    • 3mo

      I agree with you. : /

    • Show All
    • 3mo

      @Lawdog I was describing my situation, which plenty of other people connected and resonated with. I want people to know they are not alone when they are battling the things I did and sometimes still do. No amount of therapy can fix me and undo my childhood.

    • 3mo

      You win the oppression olympics.

  • It doesn't help.

    I went through this (they somehow stayed together) but there was so much fighting and chaos when we were young that it damaged us as adults. It just hurts the kids more than it helps them.

    5|2
    0|0
  • No definatele not and I think that it's even worse when people say they do it "for the kids" "so they won't hurt tge kids" or because "the kids are at their best interest.

    When in reality unless you two are both hell of an actor, the kids can't tell that anything's wrong, and you seem like one big happy family. It's just becomes toxic for the entire family when you're constantly arguing, fighting, bickering and you're making youurself, your partner, and children are unhapp

    Also it comes on heavier once they're adults whether the children subconsciously blocked it our and imagined a happier life, realized that your relationship was s****y but since you put up with it for so long they imagined you always being together, or you really did full them and truly believed that you were happy.

    In my opinion you're putting your children's best interest first when you and your partner come to a realization that it just isn't working. When you want to remove them from a bad environment and have a chat with them letting them know that it isn't their fault, that they're not the ones to blame, and just because you're no longer together doesn't mean that you're no longer a family or that your family is broken.

    A lot of times it actually works out better for everyone and they end up having a stronger happier relationship, friendship, and partnership.

    1|1
    0|0
  • I would stay married because God says so, I love my husband and my kids because God says so. If my husband and I have problems, I would not just say who cares I will stay for the kids. What do I say? I say that I am going to change and we are going to get marriage counseling.

    1|1
    0|1
  • I would prefer my parents divoreced. You think kids are dumb and don't get it, but they do. I think that logic is not good and it's just an excuse for not facing the problems between parents. Same way people try for kids to improve their relationship, like kid won't help w that, now you just added another inecent human being in your issues n missery.

    0|1
    0|0
  • Nope! And my kids are doing just fine after their father's and my divorce. It's much more hurtful to them to see a dysfunctional relationship. Or even if it's not traditionally dysfunctional, they just know. They are wiser than people give them credit for.

    Kids are pretty damn resilient. Life is too short to suffer. When you suffer, THEY also suffer. Not even kidding.

    0|2
    0|0
  • In my personal opinion, I think that the parents should not stay together. Children pick up on the tiniest of emotions and if either parent is unhappy this will impact on the children.

    Two happy parents, who get on and are civilised, are better than two parents tearing strips off each other just to stay together to bring the children up

    You can still bring up the children together, just not actually being in a relationship with each other.

    0|1
    0|0
  • No I don't think that's right, you stay in a marrige because you want to. I wouldn't want to stay in a marrige teaching my kids that love is fighting and silence. I think it'd hurt them more when the child is older and is thinking ''my parents got through where all the other kids' parents were getting divorced so they won't now"

    0|1
    0|0
  • I wouldn't stay kids aren't the answer to a marriage I don't believe people should stay in relationships for their kids or that they should have kids to fix the relationship. You don't have to be in a relationship to be a parent their gonna be hurt whether you end it when their five or when their 18 plus what child wants to grow up pretending to be this one big happy family when deep down its broken.

    0|1
    0|0
  • People stay married for the kids, to avoid the court wars! It doesn't actually have anything to do with the kids IMHO. Once they're grown and child support and custody aren't issues anymore, I'd imagine the divorce would be easier to do.

    1|2
    0|0
  • nah that's fucked up. Just don't guilt trip and manipulate your kids when you divorce and it'll fine

    0|1
    0|0
  • Probably

    0|1
    0|0
  • I think it's worse to keep children involved in a marriage that doesn't have love anymore. I don't know

    0|1
    0|0
  • I would, not wanting to hurt my kids either.
    But I suppose it really depends on the situation, like if it's an abusive/harmful relationship, then I wouldn't stay.

    0|1
    0|0
  • Hell no.

    0|1
    0|0
  • I'd stay married for the kids, and for myself. Because the thing is... You married for a reason, and with some counseling that reason will come back to you.

    0|1
    0|0
  • Nah children won't be happy if they are raised iin an unhappy home, knowing their parents do not love each other. Adults can fake it but children would sense the changes eventually

    0|1
    0|0
  • Depends on how bad it was between my partner and I. If it was just a case of we didn't love each other anymore but we got along I would probably stay

    0|1
    0|0
  • My dad did this. Stayed till i was 16 and it surprisingly made it so much worse. Not only did he have to put his life on hold. It was horrible for me and my brother. If you aren't faithful and happy in the relationship get out. Dont stay for anyone just stay. It only works if both people want to be there. Both my parents had checked out years ago. Just really affected me, still does.

    0|1
    0|0
  • Divorce sucks ass. But fighting parents that don't like or respect each other, sucks worse.

    0|1
    0|0
  • heck no.
    My mom did this, and I saw the outcome of it.

    0|1
    0|0
  • I wished my parents had divorced sooner. Living in a hostile home environment is way worse than a divorce. I'm glad my dad got away from my abusive drug addict mom personally. I love my father and I respect him for being a great single dad.

    0|1
    0|0
  • Yes I'd stick with my commitment

    0|1
    0|0
  • I would.

    0|1
    0|0
  • I'm not staying married.

    0|1
    0|0
  • no , it's even worse if you're together when you shouldn't be just for the kids.
    not only do the both of you get hurt by it but also your kids.

    0|1
    0|0
  • You gotta be in those shoes of the family. I would do it... actually doing it

    0|1
    0|0
  • it depends sometimes the parents fight and that's not good for the children either

    0|1
    0|0
  • Yes I would until they are old enough to understand

    0|1
    0|0
  • No. I agree with you. It just hurts the kids

    0|1
    0|0
  • More from Girls
    8

What Guys Said 29

  • my parents did. they were miserable for about 7 years but stayed together til both my brother and i were in college and out of the house

    i appreciate what they did to an extent but our home life was very stressful because of their fractured relationship
    ON the other hand i know a coupe that co-habitated even after officially being divorced and only recently moved apart after their kids were out of the house. however, they committed to having a civil relationship

    so i think it depends on whether or not the parents can be happy and civil together or they are going to fight and make a inharmonious household... in terms of whether or not i'd stay together for the kids

    0|2
    0|0
  • Will the children grow up seeing two parents who never express any affection towards each other? Will they see two parents who constantly fight? Will they see two parents who are constantly working to try to make their marriage succeed?

    1|2
    0|0
    • 3mo

      Well that's the question.

      Do the positives outweigh the negatives

    • 3mo

      This is one of those questions where experience teaches everything and mere intellectual contemplation is useless. I have never had children but I grew up with parents who stayed together for the sake of the kids. They were distant from each other and were horrible role models for what a marriage should be. BUT. . . I don't know what it would have been like if they had divorced when I was a child.

    • 3mo

      when i was a child I wanted them to divorce.

  • Yes, I would but only if my wife would be willing to go along with the idea. I grew up with split parents and having my mom bad mouth my dad for 16 years and even was kept away from my dad for a short period during the divorce when she wasn't allowed to. Sad to say as I got older I've come to identify with the song "stay together for the kids" by blink 182 even though I've known that song since it came out when I was in grade school.

    0|1
    0|0
  • I agree. If I was in this situation, I would stay married simply for the sake of the children if for no other reason. Then when they were old enough divorce could be a factor to consider if me and the person I was with were no longer compatible or didn't want to be in a relationship anymore.

    0|1
    0|0
  • In almost every case where there are problems in the relationship, I would indeed. But if she cheated... then no. That I can not tolerate. I'd feel weak and pathetic if I as a man stayed with a cunt that cheated. Furthermore, my kids don't need a vile person like that as a female role model.

    0|1
    0|0
  • Yes, as long as the marriage didn't hurt my health. or damage the kids in anyway. I know guys that were divorced, and the wife just brainwashed the kids to think their father was a horrible man. Now his kids don't respect him, and often abuse him in various ways. I think it would be a lot harder to accomplish such a thing if you were in the same household.

    1|1
    0|0
  • Hell no. Kids can figure that kind of thing out. And you're basically setting them up for failure, because they think that's normal for a relationship.

    1|1
    0|0
  • I would, I wouldn't want my kids to grow up in a broken home, going to a different parents house every 1-2 weeks. That's no way for a kid to grow up.

    0|1
    0|0
    • 3mo

      I just have to ask... Is living in a toxic one better?
      I get what you're saying but if the situation can really be handled I think that there's no problem to really begin with or at least not too bad of one at least not over a divorce which I know you said no to anyway.

      But let's say you now officially hate the guts of your partner and as much as you try you can't stop fighting one of you are gas and the other is flames? In a situation like that do you think it would still be best to stick it out?

      I won't argue I swear just wondering.

    • Show All
    • 3mo

      a house with 2 people fighting is not "broken"?

    • 3mo

      @zoooot Read the above comments.

  • The kids would be an element in my decision.

    0|1
    0|0
  • No.

    There is no fun in living in a house with your parents fighting all the time.

    Divorce sucks. Living in a broken home sucks harder.

    0|1
    0|0
  • It's a no for me.
    This doesn't bring advantages for the kids.

    But i ill be in their lifes, and a friend of the mother if possibble.

    1|1
    0|0
  • Now that my kids are grown and living on their own, and I'm a widower with no interest of having kids with anyone else, if I met someone with kids and things didn't work out between us, I'd seriously consider ending it.

    0|1
    0|0
  • No. My parents split when I was 4yo and they were right to do so. My dad behaved like a controlling, condescending, self--centred dick, my mum only had eyes for my stepdad and they both took each other for granted. They would have fought every day.

    1|1
    0|0
  • Don't bring up your kids in a house where mom and dad hate each other. The kids will feel like they're to blame and, in a way, they are.

    0|1
    1|0
  • No. It's worse because the parents will argue and treat each other badly and the kids will grow up thinking that is just part of a normal relationship to act that way towards each other.
    Divorce and 50/50 custody is the best practice.

    1|1
    0|0
  • Oh yes, but not just for the kids. I'm not marrying until I'm sure that she is the one.

    If I have to stay single and childless if I don't find the one, then so be it.

    0|1
    0|0
  • I don't know, I guess it depends on the overall situation and how bad it is with her

    1|1
    0|0
  • honestly no , i think that is not a good idea. And kids growing up in fail marriage would get more affected than with divorced parents

    1|1
    0|0
  • Until they're old enough

    0|1
    0|0
  • Only leave if the marriage was really bad.

    0|1
    0|0
  • I don't plan on having kids

    This is one of the reasons

    I don't think I could if it was really toxic

    If we could stay friendly then I'd do what my grandma did wait til they were 18

    0|1
    0|0
  • yea, i know a lot of people that have.

    0|1
    0|0
  • Nope, let the little fuckers suffer!

    0|1
    0|0
  • I would.

    0|1
    0|0
  • I'd just marry my kid

    0|0
    1|1
  • No, if the marriage is bad, then staying for the kids is the worse thing.
    Arguments, cheating, and domestic violence are not good lessons for the young ones.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Fuck marriage...

    1|3
    0|0
  • I did for 6 years and for financial reasons, but when we had to leave the house because of the bank, we ended it anyway

    0|1
    0|0
  • Yes, assuming it's not a toxic home environment.

    Note there are two sides to this. What does 'for the kids' mean?

    It could mean because you think the kids need you. In many cases, they'd get by without you, and if you two are fighting, might be better off seeing you separately. It depends.

    But that's not the only thing it could mean. For most men at least, they anticipate losing their kids in a divorce. Two weekends a month is pretty common visitation, and I know a lot of guys who basically couldnt' even get that, because after child support they couldn't afford their own place big enough for the kids to sleep over, so they got a couple afternoons a month, until their kids were teens and wanted to hang out with their friends. The end.

    So sometimes, 'for the kids' means, 'I want to be with my kids every day, and this is the only way I can'.

    1|1
    0|0
Loading...