GaG should I marry my best friend's husband?

My best friend's dying and when i went to visit her at the hospital she was begging me to marry her husband when the time comes, and raise her daughter because she can only trust me. She said she already talked to her husband about it and i was surprised, i didn't know what to say because she was crying and begging, I mean it's too early for me to think about marriage and i know that her daughter loves me and i will be there for her but this is a tough decision. I used to spend my time with her family at their house but now i feel it's kinda awkward because of her husband.

  • Yes you should!
    10% (3)14% (3)12% (6)Vote
  • No you shouldn't
    43% (13)41% (9)42% (22)Vote
  • It depends on...
    40% (12)36% (8)38% (20)Vote
  • Other
    7% (2)9% (2)8% (4)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Guy

  • That's very selfish of her. I understand she loves her family and wants her family to be in safe hands once she's gone, but that does not give her the right to put you in a situation where you would have to dedicate your life doing something that isn't even your job nor responsibility.

    It isn't your job to marry a man who isn't even your man of choice and it isn't your job to raise someone else kids when you possibly don't even have kids of your own. And it damn sure isn't your job to move into their house and help pay for their expenses.

    If I was in your situation, I'll tell her No! and explain to her that you'll make sure her family is taken care us but you will do it as a friend not a wife/mother. If I was in her situation I would NEVER ask a friend of mine (or not even my damn brother) to stop living their life so they can be the 2.0 version of me. Yeah, I'll ask them to look after my family but they can do that without marrying my wife and playing Dad.

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    • 3mo

      I just can't say NO! It's not a nice way to refuse something.

Most Helpful Girl

  • You may be her friend, but you are in no way responsible for her husband and daughter. That is something that he has to try to work with on his own until he is able to get on his feet again. It is never easy to lose a wife or mother. I already lost that about a year ago with my late mother. This is not for you to do. I know you love your friend, and her family as if they were your own. But you have to tell her that. You can help support her husband, but you can't marry a man you don't love and is soon about to be widowed. It just doesn't work that way. In that time, he needs to get professional help and have as much of an outlet as possible from trusted family and friends if any. It is NEVER too early to think about marriage if your 18 and over or even younger. The point is, if YOUR not ready for marriage now, don't do it. Marriage is extremely tough. Being single is hard, but marriage is a lot harder. And if you two have nothing in common at least, don't share the same views, morals, belief's, standards and want to share a future together, stay single. If you can't be willing to submit as a wife, stay single. Please. You don't want to get caught up in that. Tell her the truth and your honest opinion. Yes, she is suffering and upset. But you have to think rationally here. She may want whats best for her family, but this is also a bit selfish by entrusting you to do basically the impossible. Now is definitely not the time for all of this. Maybe later on in the future, but now? No.

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What Guys Said 8

  • Absolutely not. That is not the right reason to marry. She is asking you to martyr yourself. You are still very young, just getting started in life. She is asking you to commit to a marriage and raising a child. You have your whole life ahead of you, but doing this will take away all your choices in life. It will take away something very precious, which is to live your life and make your own choices on how you go about that.

    At most it is something to consider, but only over a long period of time. You just can't make her a promise like that. You can stay in the girls life, but even that could fade. You are just way too young to not choose your own direction in life. Don't throw your life away.

    Something else you can do is play matchmaker, and maybe set her husband up with other women (after an appropriate period of time).

    Now for a controversial and moral question. Is it OK to lie to her to give her some relief in her dying days? I'll be honest here. I'm not in favor of doing that, but I'm not entirely against it either.

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  • Magically enough I walked this earth alone, and magically enough never had a father figure. Magically enough I turned out to be one big fuck up, but magically enough no one tried to substitute that guy who made me with another guy who would be lied to and told he made me.

    In short run, that's pretty fucked. I'm sorry but there are many kids with no moms/dads. I was one of those fucking kids and no one did stupid shit like this for me, sure I turned out to be a anti-social asswipe who hates people and hates pretty much everything but I still came to be somehow magically, without a parents in my life.

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    • 3mo

      I'm so sorry that you had to go through all this.

    • 3mo

      It's fine, magically enough I don't like pitty. Kind of past that route, hell I'm even past self destruction stage, past alcohol abuse and past oxy abuse... Just need a hug :D

  • Nope. Absolutely not. Only make promises you can keep otherwise if you have any second thoughts, and in which you do just by asking us here at GAG about it, I would think that you aren't wholly certain about going through with it, therefore I'll have to think and believe that it's a no and not a good idea at all. Trust your own instincts, tell your friend the truth that you either want to or not want go through with her dying wishes.

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  • Don't marry him if you don't love him.

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    • 3mo

      What should i tell her? I mean I've never thought about that in my life.

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    • 3mo

      Me too

    • 3mo

      Thank you

  • Didn't they make a movie about this?

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    • 3mo

      It does sound like a drama, doesn't it?

    • 3mo

      Do you know whats the name of the movie?

    • 3mo

      @Pac-Man
      I can't remember the name. I can't remember if it was a lifetime movie or not, but it may have been. This actually occurred to two sisters the Leary's. One sister died of a brain tumor and asked her younger sister to marry her husband.

  • I'm gonna say no... For all sorts of reasons.

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  • It depends on...

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  • Depends on how you feel about it, what if you don't get along with him that way? It's a really odd request

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    • 3mo

      I really don't know what to do or say, I even can't think

    • 3mo

      Just let her know you will help out and be there for them but you're not ready to marry anyone

What Girls Said 11

  • I mean you should care for her child and stuff, but no you shouldn't marry the husband. If you fall in love with him after she passes that's a different story, but what if you're married to him, don't love him, and you fall in love with someone else? Or you want to date someone else? You're stuck, shit outta luck. Don't marry him, just help him raise the daughter (if you want to).

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    • 3mo

      This is what I'm afraid of and i don't want her tone sad more already she is

    • 3mo

      I get that she's dying, but that doesn't mean you should bound yourself to a man you don't love. That's not fair to you. Just promise to help take care of her child, and leave it at that. I wouldn't recommend marrying him if you don't love him. You're not a bad person for not wanting to marry him. Just tell her you respectfully decline and will be there for her kid.

  • Did you just get done reading Dear John?

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    • 3mo

      What is that?

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    • 3mo

      And in this situation?

    • 3mo

      I wouldn't marry him. Not unless you guys started to gain feelings for one another. A loveless marriage is not something I would sign up for. Just be there for them both. The husband and the daughter.

  • Uh, I'm going to go with a "no" here. I understand her reasoning behind it, but you and her father can still work together to raise your friend's daughter without marrying him. What if you meet someone you truly love and want to be with? What if he ends up doing the same? Then you're in a whole bunch of trouble.

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  • wow that's hard...

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    • 3mo

      See? I don't know what to do or think

  • If you and her husband love each other in a romantic way then yes if you want to you should. But in the end it will be worse if the marriage does not work out because her daughter will have to deal with that. I think the healthier thing to do is to always be there for the husband and daughter. Be like an aunt to the daughter and make sure your best friend knows that. The husband deserves to deal with this how he feels comfortable.

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  • Do you think you could love him?

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    • 3mo

      I really don't know

    • 3mo

      Well that's the question you need to ask yourself. It's not fair for you to be miserable the rest of your life

  • You shouldn't marry him because she said so, if you two develop feelings for each other then OK fine start a relationship. In the mean time just be there for them

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  • No. Do not do that.

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  • He must be cheap anyway so whatever

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  • Yeah you should
    Wait is her husband hot?

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  • No, still no. You shouldn't be pressured into marriage.

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    • 3mo

      I kind of feel responsible too and i don't know how to handle this situation.

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