Help me stop being a manipulative, conniving, scheming, evil b*tch?

My anger never really goes away, it just morphs into something else and multiplies. If I can’t punch someone in the mouth, then I’ll gradually hurt them with words. It will start off as a small prick, then a slight cut, then a full blown verbal stab wound. If I’m in a position where I can’t use words, then I’ll literately compile every bit of information I know about them and deviously plot how to use it against them. I am extremely observant and I pay very close attention to detail…what is highly significant to an individual, what they’re afraid of, what they’re worried about, how they want to be viewed, what they don’t want people to know. If they are particularly self-conscious when it comes to the court of public opinion, then I subtly scheme to sway the subconscious of people when it comes to them. I am extremely aggressive and combative behind a façade of calm and collected because it’s more convincing and persuasive. I sometimes abuse my charms and gifts to psychologically torment someone, manipulating those around us, then feel horrible about it the next day or the next week. Depends on how severe what the person did to piss me off was.

It’s getting more intense the older I grow and I really do not want to keep this part of myself. I am truly vicious and it’s awful. Most of it, honestly, is just an innate ability to be a good actor and storyteller. I’ll envision a plot twist in a chapter of someone’s life then play the role accordingly in addition to authentic anger. The truth is that I’m waaaay too huge of a warmhearted, caring softy to actually go through with my schemes but I know how to be convincing enough to make someone nervous and anxious that I might do something that will mess up their life, social standing, or success. I don’t actually have it in me to toy with someone’s destiny like that though.


How can I get rid of these horrible mental habits? Please bring your best, most thorough, detailed advice!

Updates:
3mo I've realized that my anger is actually quite intimidating and ugly. I don't want to be that kind of human but I really need help on how to tame this intensity inside of me.

Please help me out? I cannot continue to live life hurting other people deeply psychologically and planting seeds of anxiousness, fear, self-doubt and worry into people’s minds every time I get pissed off.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • i got the feeling that you dont have any working relationship
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    • 3mo

      Surprisingly, false

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    • 3mo

      ... this is a huge revelation to me. I wasn't always this way. It became apart of me due to some very serious situations.

    • 3mo

      have hope maybe the futur is better 😊 😊 😊
      why i m talking like a wise chinese man 😂 😂 😂

What Guys Said 2

  • You need to figure out why you are so pessimistic and destructive, that's the number one thing you need to do.

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    • 3mo

      I'm very optimistic and very destructive. But I'm only destructive when I feel like I need to be on the defense.

  • Go see a counselor, you have some serious issues that aren't going to be fixed by a post in gag.

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    • 3mo

      You never know... someone may have overcome the same problem or there could be a professional counselor lurking around GAG's hallways...

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    • 3mo

      You assumed I'm not willing to invest in fixing this problem.
      Me simply utilizing a GAG account and making a post doesn't mean I'm unwilling to go through the longer process of pulling out my insurance card, making phone calls, scheduling an appointment that may be weeks away, then driving to said location and having a session or two before we would even get to the core of the matter.

      When it comes down to it, you don't have a heaven or hell to send me to and you cannot dictate precisely what I, nor any other human being, can or can't be internally. The phrase "evil bitch" was just me being dramatic and trying to catch attention with the post. You're reading too deep into the one sentence you first saw and not the other ones.

    • 3mo

      You also should not speak to me as if you are a certified professional when it's clear that you aren't. People are not as basic, weak, and inflexible as you make them out to be. I'm not some villain who deserves to be demonized because you're being a tad bit too sensitive over the title of a post, which was geared to catch attention.

      I don't appreciate the judgment.

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