My anger never really goes away, it just morphs into something else and multiplies. If I can’t punch someone in the mouth, then I’ll gradually hurt them with words. It will start off as a small prick, then a slight cut, then a full blown verbal stab wound. If I’m in a position where I can’t use words, then I’ll literately compile every bit of information I know about them and deviously plot how to use it against them. I am extremely observant and I pay very close attention to detail…what is highly significant to an individual, what they’re afraid of, what they’re worried about, how they want to be viewed, what they don’t want people to know. If they are particularly self-conscious when it comes to the court of public opinion, then I subtly scheme to sway the subconscious of people when it comes to them. I am extremely aggressive and combative behind a façade of calm and collected because it’s more convincing and persuasive. I sometimes abuse my charms and gifts to psychologically torment someone, manipulating those around us, then feel horrible about it the next day or the next week. Depends on how severe what the person did to piss me off was.
It’s getting more intense the older I grow and I really do not want to keep this part of myself. I am truly vicious and it’s awful. Most of it, honestly, is just an innate ability to be a good actor and storyteller. I’ll envision a plot twist in a chapter of someone’s life then play the role accordingly in addition to authentic anger. The truth is that I’m waaaay too huge of a warmhearted, caring softy to actually go through with my schemes but I know how to be convincing enough to make someone nervous and anxious that I might do something that will mess up their life, social standing, or success. I don’t actually have it in me to toy with someone’s destiny like that though.
How can I get rid of these horrible mental habits? Please bring your best, most thorough, detailed advice!
Please help me out? I cannot continue to live life hurting other people deeply psychologically and planting seeds of anxiousness, fear, self-doubt and worry into people’s minds every time I get pissed off.