How do I acquire social skills?

Don't say "just practice." What are the basics of it, because I don't seem to have that down.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Analyze the way others speak/act. Notice smaller and bigger things they do while socializing with people, what makes people listen? What makes people laugh?
    And then, sorry but practice is the only way. Practice , practice practice. Get out of your comfort zone. Practice at different places/situations you wouldn't normally find yourself in. Talk to new kinds of people. Learn. Practice again.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Being able to just rant on without any input helps. But when they say things, just acknowledge what they say and make your next comment related to it then keep ranting if you find yourself asking yourself questions ask it to them.

    I could just jabber on about music, games, bdsm, movies on a superficial level (but that's ok as long as you're saying things and stand by them, I might seem like a pleb to a movie buff, but meh, I'm not trying to be pretentious about it or lie so it's not going to backfire), art, philosophy, SJWs (fairly niche topic, but if it resonates with the person I'm talking to then swell). There's a lot of crossover between these things on a broad level, but I can drop names and go into detail about the parts I have a deep interest in. I'm trying to go through topics, looking for something to connect on and go deeper when they engage me about something I said.

    All that said, I get a nasty bit of social anxiety and probably don't know shit about this. I think I can talk to people in some ways, so I have some social skills but not all of them. I don't think I can engage people about mundane bullshit, like weather and traffic. If I do I'll talk about the aesthetic of rain or the flaws in people's driving or self-driving cars or something. I'm always wanting to go deeper and find something interesting to talk about.

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What Girls Said 2

  • Practice messaging people here on gag

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    • 2mo

      What should I say on the intro?

    • Show All
    • 2mo

      @ChromAzonyx108 do you not understand sarcasm?

    • 2mo

      I missed that bit of sarcasm. Doesn't mean that I don't understand sarcasm so no need to be rude.

  • Take an improv course, they teach you a lot about social queues.

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What Guys Said 16

  • Listen to people and learn their behavior. Learn what will get you a positive response, and what will get you a negative.
    Try new things. Don't be afraid of failing. You're gonna fuck up many times, but who cares, you're most likely not gonna see that stranger again.

    So it's basically just getting out of your comfort zone, talking to strangers, paying attention to how they react to what you say, and learn from that, and obviously, practice. You won't get better if you don't practice, that's life.

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  • I was at that same place at your age. Being Isolated and homeschooled growing up were not very supportive to social growth.
    First thing you need to do is play catchup. What are your likes? Hobbies? Interests?
    Next
    Are there any school groups or community groups of people with similar interests? If so join them it will be your best place to start.
    If not then try to form one! You may be surprised by the response.
    Next
    Talk to your school counsellor and see if you can get a mentor. Good mentors are great for introducing you to people and helping you gain some confidence.
    Option
    Do something legal but big, make a name for yourself

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  • I used to have the same problem and practice does help but you need confidence. everyday try to do something outside of your comfort zone like little things ya know. don't be the class clown more like with gorls. talk to someone new in the halls or something

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  • 1-Empathize with others.
    2-Know when to stop/when you're getting too close to hurtful areas/topics
    3-Never come off as needy
    4-Body language says more than what you're talking
    5-Confidence does wonders
    6-Men and women never get the same treatment, dont buy into it for a second
    7-Being funny does wonders
    8-Know how to convey interest (both genuine/innocent interest and sexual interest)
    9-Learn from other people's mistakes before you make a mistake

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    • 2mo

      Explain #6.

    • 2mo

      Women like to get teased - it's like mocking a person, but you convey friendlyness in a way that the person knows it's just a joke to break the tension.
      Men dont always like that.
      Women are always seen as delicate and fragile, but you can never mention it otherwise they'll think you're diminishing their capabilities
      Men dont like to be treated as fragile or weak in any way
      Women are never straight up insulted
      Men may be and we're told to "toughen up"

      I think you get the picture

    • 2mo

      I don't think females are fragile but I know they're weak.

  • Ok... here's the short cut on how to get good with talking with beautiful women for geeks.

    Ready?

    Go to Hooters.

    Seriously.

    Yes, those girls are paid to chill and flirt with you, but your primal brain doesn't know that. You go there, and just chat and flirt and have fun with those girls enough times, and soon enough, talking to pretty women will be a completely normal thing to you.

    That's it.

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  • You need to cast away all your self-doubt and then utilize empathy to align with the person you're talking to

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  • Don't worry about it man.

    Just be you, don't be someone else for the sake of their affection. The right person will find you and you them if you stay true to yourself.

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  • Why do you want to acquire social skills? For what purpose?

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  • Try the 3-steps approach ; observe - research - practice.
    Basically you observe how people behave, you try to research and find the psychology behind their behaviour, then you practice.

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  • What I found that works best, is to just be in a happy mood. This does wonders.

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  • Listen more than you talk. Be somewhat confident. Find your tyoe of humor. Dont be rude or inappropriate. Ignore the haters.

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  • Practice.

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  • The same way you acquire any other skill - practice. but you don't want to hear that so have fun getting nowhere.

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  • I would start by taking an online course in reading facial expressions.

    I'm guessing you are bad at reading people's reactions. So first learn to read expressions. Then, you will be getting 'data' in your interactions and be able to adjust behavior. Right now you get no feedback.

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  • Have you heard of Google?

    It's a thing called a search engine. It allows you to search the entire internet for things. So you don't just have to go to one website, and ask if a few people there can help you.

    For example, if you go to google. com and type in "Getting social skills" you get 21 MILLION results. The first 4 alone, are worth a look.
    Effective Communication - Improving your Social Skills
    3 Ways to Improve Social Skills
    10 Ways to Improve Social Skills for Those with Anxiety
    The Main Concepts For Improving Your Social Skills

    Now, i'll say what i always say to this question :

    HEY!!! GOOGLE THAT SHIT!
    There are literally millions of sites that can teach this shit. Google it.
    PICK ONE.
    Then do all the exercises. No exceptions. No skipping.

    It will take you about 6 months.

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