When men don't have a say for their own child?

When men don't have a say for their own child?There are lots of men out there advocating rights for themselves, as they should for various reasons and situations.


The list can go on. However, what has been bothering me for years is the lack of consideration of a father's rights when a woman decides she wants an abortion. If she wants it, it's no questions asked, if's, and's, but's, whatever; the baby dies, even though you helped created it, even though the baby is part of your DNA. It's half of her and half of the guy. You absolutely have NO rights to your own child. The only thing you have is just your opinion, but that is as far as you can go.

What sparked me to make this question is that yesterday I came across a month-old question here of a woman who was extremely cruel, cold-hearted, and pretty much insulted all of her responses she had received when the question dealt with why do men even care or make a big deal out of abortion when they can care less about the baby anyway? Yes, this was her question, assuming she believed men were all deadbeat dads and abandoned responsibility. She complained that her boyfriend was upset that she didn't even notify him that she was getting an abortion, but she got it done without him knowing. I wasn't sure if she was a troll (due her constant hostility) but I do know she wasn't deserving of any relationship with that type of attitude and the way she carried herself with others. She totally shredded him down to be a useless human being.

I'm here to ask guys what they think, becuase I'm honesty not sure if guys actually make a big deal about it. We usually hear of many cases of boyfriends pressuring their girlfriends to get abortions "yeah! Sure! Get rid of it! Go! GO!" But when it comes to RIGHTS, how do men feel about it? Have you been in this situation before? Have you regretted anything?

NOTE: I'm not here to side with Pro-Choice or Pro-Life. I realize abortion is a VERY heavy topic where hardly everybody agrees on one thing.

:D


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I remembered that question and I honestly thought she was a troll. Personally, I wouldn't date or have sex with a woman who has that type of mentality. If my gf/wife gets pregnant, I'll hope we have the baby but if she has an abortion, the relationship will be over.(medical reasons different story)

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I think that IF women can choose to have an abortion without the fathers consent THEN a father should be able to choose to not pay child support and sign over his rights. I think that is only fair for women and men.

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    • 2mo

      That IS fair. Great point.

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    • 2mo

      It's not even a suggestion that doesn't have traction in politics. Some nations are looking into it - www.telegraph.co.uk/.../

    • 2mo

      @RandomBritishGuy94 That was an interesting read! I didn't know it was even being concidered. Hopefully more will get on board with that idea. Thanks for the link!

What Guys Said 17

  • I believe that legally speaking, a woman should have the final say whether she wants to get an abortion or not. It's her body, not the body of her boyfriend or husband.
    However, there's not just a legal side to this, there's also a social side. Personally, I live in a very, very happy long-term relationship with an amazing girl. It might sound a bit arrogant but I just don't understand why so many people are so dumb and date some kind of bitch as girlfriend or stupid jerk as boyfriend. Regardless of the particular topic, I expect my girlfriend to discuss everything with me and vise versa. This is what makes a good relationship. Even if my girlfriend for eventually opt for the abortion, I KNOW she would involve me in her decision and inform me about every step or every thought she has on this.
    When it comes to stories like the one you've read, I can only scratch my head and wonder why this guy was even together with such a woman in the first place. I mean, let's be honest here: people don't just act super social and sweet and understanding for many years and suddenly, from one day to the next, they turn into some bitch who gets an abortion without even telling their partner. It is absolutely CERTAIN that this girl pulled of things like that before; decisions where she didn't involve her boyfriend. If you're a guy and you just keep dating such a woman, you should also blame yourself in the end. Unfortunately, too many people (men and women) settle for mediocre partners and act all whiny once they get disappointed by them.

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  • Well to be honest if many women had their way men wouldn't even be allowed an opinion on that subject (I've had that argument before to where I was told that I as a man had no right to have an opinion on abortion despite the fact that the child is as much a mans as a womans). As for my opinion I am very upset over abortions because of two main reasons, one the claim that its not alive when by scientific definition it is and two and this is the main one that a woman can choose to be a mother or not but a father can't. If she chose to have sex with him then why is he responsible for her being pregnant when she wants to keep the child and he doesn't yet when she doesn't want to keep the child and he does its "her body her choice"? In both situations she is allowed to either push responsibility (and parenthood) on to the man when its convient for her or She gets to take all control and completely disregard him when its convient for her. Its an unfare standard so regardless of your stance either both are equally responsible and thus both have to have a say in how things are done (no abortion or abortion) or both have the right to walk away without judgment, the fact that women get to choose both of these to the detriment of the man and he gets no say in it that's what makes me upset about it. I personally think that as a father he should have a right to his child but I also understand that pregnancy takes a greater toll on the woman but on the other hand since it takes a greater toll on her she should have been more responsible (its kind of like being allergic to peanuts and then blaming the companies for having them rather then yourself for eating them.). I think this is just another way for society to marginalize men. Also it goes far beyond abortion, a woman can abandon her child thanks to safe haven laws with out notification of the father and without his consent and she can give the child up for adoption in most places without even notifying him giving her the de facto ability of giving away his child without his consent since she does not need his consent to do it so he won't even know until they show up and take his child away then he can take the many year process of contesting it (incredibly expensive too) and if he is lucky he will eventually get his child back but again this all hinges on him knowing about it.

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    • 2mo

      It's like a damned if you, damned if you don't thing.

    • 2mo

      Damned if you do damned if you don't and if you bring it up your a sexist asshole who should quite whining because it doesn't concern you even though it clearly does. That's why its so frustrating. I may not agree with abortion but at least have the law be equal between the genders instead of giving a woman absolute power over the man.

  • Men have no say pre birth or post birth. i encouraged my son's mother to have our son (when she really didn't want to have a baby). i did all the noble and responsible things. bought a house, car seat. virtually got everything the baby needed before he came. even renovated the nursery a month before he came.

    after 2 and a half years of being a dad. she was extremely hostile with me on a daily basis over nothing at all. one time she started an argument because she DREAMED that i cheated on her and continued to accuse me for months after. then one day she decided that was it and fabricated a whole story to the police and court systems to have me arrested (even to the extent of injuring herself when i wasn't even home). police came and took me away and arrested me in front of my son at my dads house on his birthday (2 weeks before Christmas).

    3 months i went without seeing my son, being treated like a woman abuser when i did no such thing. to top it off no body cared about what i had to say and she was never questioned about anything. Not the police or courts or childrens aid.

    Its been three years now since that event took place and after every visit i have with my son. i become overwhelmed with anxiety and emotionally hurt about how my family abandoned me.

    she was trying to take the house and car that she never contributed to but was unsuccessful because we were never legally married and i could prove i paid all the expenses.

    men should have equal say when it comes to their child. sure women carry the baby for 9 months, but men have to deal with the midnight cravings and wild mood swings for those 9 months.

    I am a REAL dad who never got a REAL chance

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    • 2mo

      This hurt to read. I'm sorry you had to go through that. I wonder if she was bitter about having the child when she didn't want the child from the start and is punishing you. You didn't deserve this. You just wanted to give your child a chance at life.

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    • 2mo

      " I encouraged my son's mother to have our son (when she really did NOT want to have a baby)."
      ...

    • 2mo

      yes that is true. we were both 27 at the time. dating one another. then SURPRISE! she didn't feel like she could be a good mother because her childhood was morbid at best growing up with an abusive mother.

  • Another question about abortion...
    The day men have to carry out a pregnancy and push a baby through a 2 inch opening in their body things will change... Abortion will become the first commandment and the right to it will become an amendment to the American constitution. There will be drive through abortion facilities with huge billboards and television ads.

    As long as it's girls getting pregnant, girls have the choice.

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  • I have never been in this position. If I was, I would want the right to determine whether MY child would be aborted. However, I know that there are many guys who would not deserve to have that right. I don't think there is a simple answer for this dilemma and assume that this is part of the consequences for Eve eating the forbidden apple.

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  • sir. since i am much older than you (im 50 btw) and have studied politics and the law cor twenty years i completely understand your point of view. this is just pne of many double standards you will find in law. when it comes to children? in the eyes of thr law men have no rights? the cockeyed thinkong is that its growing in a womens body and women have total soverenty over their bodies. its wrong and it needs to stop. but men who are for fathers rights are small in number and dont have the kind of power the womens movement has in washington. the womens movemenf will conjure up horror stories before roe vs wade became law. back ally abortions. women using coat hangers to kill their fetuses. and on and on. and the media will make any man who says "fathers have rights" into the next jeffrey dahmer. i assume yoir young when you reach my age and see the kind of stupidity we have in washington you'll understand. i am pro life. its only common sense when the fetus has a heartbeat and brain activity after 4 months it is reguarded as a human being and should be protected. i dont suggest we put women in jail for abortions. we have to change their hearts and minds about the life growing inside them.

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    • 2mo

      @2167Philip Only have unprotected sex with women who want your baby. Ain't that simple?

  • An abortion is the one thing I don't think men should have a say over when it comes to children. It's their bodies that go through a massive amount of strain when carrying and birthing a child. Once the child is born however there shouldn't be a difference. Father's rights are a joke in almost every respect.

    If you're that religious you should only sleep with people who have beliefs along your lines.

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  • It is an argument for a case by case study - You need all the background details before siding with one or the other - Terminations are often in the middle, hard for both.

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  • Of course it should be half/half but due to people eventually exploiting that privilege, also mainly it being a women's body that has to carry the child to term... it makes more sense for it to be the mother's choice at the end

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  • If I wasn't told I'd be pissed and leave her. However, this is not a baby yet (depending on the law of the land) because if it was a human being than nobody should be taking this beings life away, since this would be in the earliest stages of developement I would say if she wasn't married than it is completely her choice.

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  • Even if the father agrees to raise the child with no help from the mother she would still have to carry it to term inside her body and she can refuse to do that.

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  • I hope I never find myself in this situation. For a woman to have the audacity to keep me from having a say in what happens with my child is crazy.

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  • The woman has the right to terminate because it affects her body. The man has the right to walk away. Nobody should be forced to do anything.

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  • Its absolutely wrong every men not same

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  • It have some real fucked up women out here.

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  • This is a tough one. Something like that actually happened to me. I told her I didn't want to have the child and she told me that she wouldn't have an abortion. Obviously she got what she wanted.

    Don't get me wrong... I love my daughter and am grateful for her, even though the circumstances weren't the best. But I can tell you that it didn't feel fair at that time to not have a say in the outcome of that situation.

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What Girls Said 1

  • It should ideally be 50/50. However, it's better that it's not because in the end, it's her body. Women are not incubators.
    Also, this is why I think the burden of responsibility to not get pregnant is on the woman, because in the end, it's her fault if she gets pregnant or not.

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