Smart move to quit trying to find a girlfriend?

Still in college, getting close to getting my degree (yay!). Obviously there are a lot of attractive girls on campus that I see on a daily basis, so it's almost impossible to not think about sex fairly often. However, I've been around these same girls for years, and have tried to go on dates and I've either been rejected, lead on, or blown off each and every time. About a month ago I had a breakdown, and swore off dating. Now I don't let any girls tease me or try to lure me in just to get an ego boost like they usually do. I go about my business, make sure I have a high GPA and stay involved on campus. I plan on going to grad school to get my Masters so that I can get a better paying job than if I just got my Bachelors, and I have plenty of guy friends and hobbies that keep me happy and allow me to have plenty of fun. Obviously deep down I want a girl eventually, but at this moment in time it doesn't seem to be worth all of the drama. My friends have gone through really shitty break ups and even in the good times are complaining about their relationships because it adds to their stresses. Just way too many time commitments. I haven't found a girl yet who's shown any remote interest at me which makes me feel like crap when I think about it, so I just don't think about it anymore, and try to ignore relationships and girls who look at me. It's gotten to a point where when a girl smiles at me I smile back, but automatically rule out the possibility that she likes me. No attractive girl has ever liked me in a sexual way, even though I think I'm decent looking (5 foot 10, 150 pounds) so I've just kind of given up. I used to be sad about it, but now I think it will help me be happier in the long run. Getting myself caught up in that sort of stuff could just be a huge distraction and make me feel less confident, which affects other parts of my life.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Yeah it is

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Just treat it as if it ever happens, then it will happen. Such as having a companion for traveling or whatever. But even then no absolute guarantees that an actual relationship would develop and happen and even if that did happen, NO Absolutely Guarantee that it will last forever either. I think those who are able to cope and learn to be content with being still Single and quit trying really have what it takes to keep going forward, as they really have developed some inner strength and will. Some people call it quits but deep down they aren't truly ready to call it quits and continuously dwell on their unhappiness due to the lack of having a relationship. They still feel hurt, mope or cry or blame others for their current single status. The worst might just kill themselves and totally give the fuck up, but that's on them, I don't want to be judgmental about it. Learn to take control of your emotions, if you want to be happy then you will feel happy. Stop caring about what others think about you for being single for a very long time.

    Happiness comes from within ourselves, it's inner happines that reall and truly counts and not something from somebody else that wil provide for you.

    Treat having someone else later on as a "bonus", and that is "if" it ever does happen at all eventually, and if it don't, then it don't, as these things are sometimes just outside of our control anyway so don't fret about them anymore, and instead, just have fun and enjoy your life the best possible way that you can WHILE YOU STILL CAN.

    Otherwise, you get so deeply and emotionally attached to them and then if something changes and things don't exactly work out the way you originally had expected, you won't be so hurt and let down, upset, or depressed. Even more baggage develops from a bad breakup or split.

    But if the other person want to be so attached and clingy to you for any reason then so be it, and then it's on you to decide if you still want to be with them or not.

    I would strongly agree with PRIORITIZING your career and future. Because right now, the economic climate is not good, you might find a job, or you may not find a job and suffer and face long term unemployment and have student loans to payback, and even more stress. Or you might find a job that totally fucking sucks, regardless of how much they pay you and you'd hate it and feel chained to it like a prisoner, or a slave just "living", scratch that, merely "EXISTING" just to work for somebody else just to

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    • 2mo

      just so you can survive and make ends meet to pay all your necessary expenses from bills, transportation costs, rent, meals, etc.

      Depending on what kind of major you are in, and if you're in something relevant to Science, Technology, Engineering, or Mathematics you're pretty much all good. Other things that are practical and realistic are still fine, BUT stay completely away from Liberal Arts types of majors and degrees since they are very impractical in the real workplace environments.

    • 1mo

      Thanks for MHO!

What Girls Said 0

The only opinion from girls was selected the Most Helpful Opinion!

What Guys Said 6

  • Right now you have more free time and are surrounded by more young single girls than you ever will be in the future. I think its a mistake to put it off. Dating will only become harder after college so if you can't do it now what makes you think you will be successful at it later in life?

    The same things that are inhibiting you now will still be a problem once you graduate.

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    • 2mo

      I sort of beg to differ. Maybe in most schools that's the case, but here we have a ton of projects/team commitments and I'm the VP of 2 different clubs so it's kind of wild. I know I could make the time, but again I'm bad at dating. The point is that I don't think trying to date is worth it for me right now, it would just add stress. Especially when I've never been successful and no girl has ever met me halfway when I've tried, I always do all the work and they don't show any interest, so that's why I'm done (for now at least)

  • the less you care the more girls run after you - its a fact
    focus only on yourself and having fun - the right person will eventually show up

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  • If trying to date upsets you it might be the best decision to ignore women, but you should realise that it will be easier to get girls now than in the future. It gets much harder after you leave education because you aren't surrounded by women your age anymore.

    Also at 150lbs and 5'10 you are probably very skinny. Most women think I am too scrawny for them and I'm 170lbs and 5'9. If no girl has ever liked you in a sexual way it is very unlikely that you are decent looking.

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    • 2mo

      If now is the easiest time and I can't do it, I might as well stop trying then. Maybe girls do like me but just never tell me, but whatever. I just don't have the will for it anymore

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    • 2mo

      Asker 150 at 5'10 is ideal healthy weight for an average man in America. it isn't average because we have a problem with people being overweight, but you are healthy and by no means scrawny. Stop listening to people that want you to look like the Hulk or the Rock, women find that repulsive. If you are out of shape (thinfat) focus on doing some calisthenic exercises and moderate weight training to define your body. You don't need to bulk at all and I would not do it. I am a skinny guy 130 at 5'7 and I've heard that women find me attractive. Don't give up. just focus on you more than focusing on them, it is that simple. When you show that you don't care you will actually start attracting women because you don't look desperate. Second, stop being nice, women like assholes at least at your age, time to learn from them and act like them, women view nice guys as weak doormats, maybe one day when they are 30 or 40 they will finally look at the nice guy, but do you seriously want to wait

    • 2mo

      that long? and do you want to settle for a woman that is only considering you because she has been used up and now is only a shell of her former self. Time to change your attitude bro and gain some confidence

  • Ya let them come to you, that's when you know they are completely interested.

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  • Man, if you actually manage to go through with this that would be awesome. By my own personal experience I tell you I've tired for years and always end up trying again. "No, no no, this time will be different" or "I think this might be the one" or "this one seems to actually like me back." Maybe I ust have a weaker mind than yours. Good luck man.

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    • 2mo

      Trust me I've thought like that plenty of times. There will come a time where you'll be think "Ok, enough is enough, I'm done for now."

  • You should be friends with all the girls and guys, and make sure you'll hang out after school ends

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    • 2mo

      At my school there's no time for that bro haha. Usually doing homework or in meetings all afternoon/evening

    • 2mo

      The problem is after University you might have a hard time making friends, so I'd focus on that too... because who knows, you might get close to a girl and go out with her.

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