Is there anything wrong with living off your partner?

I wasn't sure how to phrase this really. I have a job, I make good money but my boyfriend just makes a lot more. He asked me to move in with him and that's great, I really want to. But he lives in Manhattan and I just can't afford to pay half of the rent of his apartment. Obviously though he can afford all of it so it's not really and issue, or is it?

He is a bit older which is partially why he makes more money, but he takes care of me in other ways too and while I enjoy it, it's always been something I felt a bit uneasy about. Like being dependent on someone. But maybe it's not?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Well if you make good money on your own then you aren't really dependent on him. Maybe you need him to live that kind of lifestyle but its not like youd be fucked and on the street if you broke up. So I dont think you qualify as being depenant on him, at least not how I define it.

    As long as he doesn’t feel used and you aren't with him primarily for his money then I dont see the big deal.

    Also, if you want to help out more but can't afford to contribute dollar for dollar on everything he pays for then maybe you could just contribute proportionally based on what he makes. Like if the things he pays for are only 10% of his total income then you could contribute 10% of what you make. Just an example :/

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I don't see anything wrong with it as long as both people in the relationship agree to the arrangement. Different lifestyles work for different couples. I'm sure your boyfriend understand that you don't make as much money and can't afford all of those expenses so if he still asked you to move in anyway, I doubt he expects you to pay that much. You could still contribute some though, even for small things such as groceries. That's just something you need to figure out with your boyfriend. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.

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What Guys Said 8

  • Just pay what you can. He may ask you to pay a nominal fee of a few hundred bucks but if he can afford it as long as you're not freeloading it's k.

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  • Thats not really living off of him. Pay what you can afford like buy the groves and stuff. Talk to him about it to. You enjoy the lifestyle he provides you. Its alright just don't let it go to your head cuz it can be gone in an instant.

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  • maybe its better to keep you independance
    an old proverb
    i rather live a modest life on my own than to live in luxury but need someone help

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    • 2mo

      well but you know moving in together, getting married isn't that kinda what people do? Isn't that the next step?

    • 2mo

      lets say u moved with him and he asked u to pay the half
      its fair
      u can't afford it
      lets say u get in a fight ad he told u to leave
      do u have another place to go

  • If he's cool with it go for it. Really it's common unless you're more roommates than a couple. You make your own money already so it's not like you're putting yourself in a position to be homeless if the relationship goes south.

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  • Im sure he would appreciate that his live in girlfriend is willing to help out. I would say its not being dependent on him. Go for it and offer to help with other things like utilities, groceries, and other shopping

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  • To me there is something wrong with it. I don't think it stretches to rent though. Presumably he'd be paying exactly the same rent whether you live there or not? I'd expect some kind of contribution to bills/food etc though.

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  • As long as you're doing everything you can to help the combined effort, then no

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  • Well.. what if you don't pay rent.

    But you do other things?

    Buy all of the groceries? I think as long as you are doing "something". I think that's at least a way where you're helping out.

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What Girls Said 13

  • I lived on my own for two years before marrying my husband. The first two years of marriage, I worked. Then he had our first child and I don't work anymore. I do lots of other things that help us out and my husband really appreciate it. I don't think it is his money but more like our money. In two years I plan to go to work again.

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  • I think it's pretty normal in a living situation for the bread winner to pay the rent and/ or mortgage and the other wage earner to pay the utilities. Make sure you pay the light bill or something and save enough money to put a deposit down on a new place if needs be. This isn't depending on someone, it's being a teammate. It sounds like he wants you there and he knows you don't make as much as he does. Enjoy it.

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  • It doesn't sound like there's anything wrong, since he asked you. It could cause a problem if he resented it, so communication is important. Set up a plan ahead of time for how bills will be handled. If you both are sharing one apartment instead of renting your own, you should be able to set things up so you both save money and get to be together more.

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  • You'll be doubling his utilities so are you sure he can afford that? He's paying for one person using things right now.

    If you can at least help out with some utilities then I don't see the problem.

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    • 2mo

      utitlites aren't really the issue. The rent is. I can afford my share of utilities

    • 2mo

      I mean, as long as his land lord isn't doubling his rent for two people living there then... I don't see why he would make you pay half if he knows you can't afford it?

      Especially if you're going to pay some utilities?

  • If he asked you to move in, then it's a good sign. It's a bigger step in your relationship which is more valuable than his rent. He knows how much money you make. I don't think that's what's on his mind.

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  • Nononooooooooonoooooo don't do that. I mean it might seem nice by what if you guys break up? You'll have no money and no where to go. Make your own money be independent.

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    • 2mo

      I AM making my own money

  • Whatever works for you guys is your business. If it works then okay. 👍🏻

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  • I don't see any issue with it. If he invited you into his home, then help out in ways other than simply financial. Use your money to help out whenever you can buy if it doesn't bother him, then u shouldn't let it bother you.

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  • If your trying and he's willing then it's okay

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  • You could always take on a bill or two that you can afford so you are contributing.

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  • You should contribute. Nobody likes to be taken advantage of. Not being able to afford an exact half doesn't mean you can't pitch in or pay some of the other bills.

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  • Most men are born knowing that is how their situation will be. LOL

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  • If you make good money then why would you ask if its wrong to live off your partner? Something seems off about this entire situation.

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