Do I let the father be in the delivery room for the birth?

i am just asking for some advice really as me and my boyfriend broke up early in the pregnancy nothing bad just we did not work out but he wants to be in the room for the birth and granted he has been to all my scans and appointments and so on but i just do not know what to do as on one hand he is the father but on the other i think he should be in the waiting room as he lose his right to be in there as we are not together

so i ask what do you think i should do and do you think i should put him on the birth certificate and give the baby his surname

im in the uk if that helps


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I am going to play Devils advocate and ask if the situations were reversed how would you feel? If you would want to be there, then I think you can understand why he wants to be there. I understand you are not together, but if you are going to co-parent the two of you are taken out of the equation and what is best for the child takes precedent. Shouldn't he be able to talk about the birth to the kid and how he felt, not just you?

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    • 2mo

      i get that i would be more than happy for him to in there if it was not gross you know i do not want him seeing down there as we are not together

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    • 2mo

      Hi again just saying thanks for the answers and opinion and just letting you know she is here she came early but she is doing fine and it was just me and my ex in the room for the labor and birth but we are giving our relationship another go and I am putting him on the birth certificate plus she is having his surname too as he has been by my side through everything

    • 2mo

      Wonderful. Glad to hear it is all working out.

What Guys Said 16

  • Decide this on your own based on what is best for your baby. If having him there will help bond him and baby then YES. If not, then don't have him there.
    Decide the surname issued the same way. Try to leave your own emotion out of it if that's possible.
    Don't make it a right based on your relationship with him. He'll always be your baby's father. I suggest you give him every reason to man-up.

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    • 2mo

      oh he very much wants our little girl and he has paid for everything she needs and he has been great but it is the whole gross facter that i am not sure about him seeing and i would me happy to give her a name we both agree on but see seem to not agree on a name

    • 2mo

      True, childbirth is gross. If he'd likely react badly to the whole drama then let him see his little girl later when she's all wrapped in pink.
      Again, I place the emphasis on doing everything that will facilitate dad and baby bonding.

    • 2mo

      i do want him to bond with her as he is her daddy and he loves her so much already and she is not even here yet and he has been trying to be the best dad ever but it is the gross bit really

  • I would go waiting room since you are not together - I think it is the law that you have to put father on birth cert - Surname really something you will have to discuss with him, tradition is child takes mother's name when couple not together.

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  • Yes and no

    He doesn't lose his right to be in there because you are not together. He loses that right if you are emotionally disconnected and you don't see a future with him anymore. If you feel you could maybe possibly work things out with him it would be wise to think about it before robbing him from this once in a lifetime experience

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  • is the birth about you or the baby?

    that answers your question... he has a right to be there.

    yes on birth certificate-no on surname. don't give your baby a surname, it's not property, it's a person. Give your baby a unique set of given names, preferably one by each parent.

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  • In the room, no.
    Birth certificate, obviously yes.
    Sur name, that's up to you. Depends on how much you think the dad will be in your baby's life, in my opinion.

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  • First of all, it doesn't (shouldn't) matter what country you're from. Second of all, I think you two broke up too early. You didn't work it out. For the sake of your child, work it out. Otherwise, your child is likely to repeat the same mistakes. You don't want them picking up your "I quit", quitter traits/genes from you, do you?

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  • from what i have read, a dominant guy is just dominant in sex and has no interest to be submissive. a master is a person that establishes rules, puts expectations on the submissive, guides the sub, teach and also wants the sub to explore and to grow. they also want discipline and training for the sub, a normal dominant guy does not want this.

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    • 2mo

      erm what are you talking about i was asking if i should let him in the delivery room not how to have sex with him

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    • 2mo

      lol it is ok

    • 2mo

      Lol!

  • If he upsets you than you need to tell him that you don't want him in the delivery room but if he is sticking beside you during all your appointments and the pregnancy than you may want let him in the delivery room.
    I think the same should go for whether or not to put the real fathers
    name on the birth certificate.

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  • Yeah, he's the father.. he has a right to be in there to see the birth of his son/daughter. (If he chooses to watch or not)

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  • No I don't think he looses any right to witness his child being born. You both created the child, legally and morally he has the right be there. How you choose to deal with it is going to determine if it is "awkward" or not.

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  • Yes. He needs to experience it with you. As long as he doesn't do what I did lol

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  • No, you should not let your brother in the delivery room. It would be awkward for the nurses.

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    • 2mo

      Hahaha let's see if anyone else catches that...

    • 2mo

      Funny but my ex is not my brother

  • yes you should

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  • I was in there for my child's birth I don't think she would have wanted me too leave her by herself.

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    • 2mo

      but are where you with her at the time as in together

  • WTF. I am shocked that your asking this question online.. like do really get advice from here...

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  • Well for my kids I was in the delivery room but didn't actually see babies leaving my partners body. So that's an option.

    I suspect there are legal ramifications regarding the birth certificate. But if he wants to be he should be. Otherwise he would be demanding a paternity test etc.

    Surname is a different issue.

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What Girls Said 11

  • Him being in the delivery rooms is Completely up to your comfort level, you are the one giving birth. Father's never used to be in delivery room, even married couples. It's a very emotional and stressful time for the expectant mother, and you should absolutely not do anything you feel uncomfortable with.
    However do give it some very thorough consideration, as he seems like he wants to take an active role in the Child's life.
    Putting him on the birth certificate is an absolute necessity, god forbid if something were to happen to you; the other parent would need to be contacted. It a also extremely helpful for medical records, family history of your child's other half.

    As for the surname, you have a few options. You could give them the father's surname if you choose, but as you're not together you are most definitely not required to and can always just use your own. However in cases like this I would suggest the hyphenated surname, ie. Yours-His. That was your child will feel connected to BOTH of you.

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  • He should be there. It's still his baby. Also, you've only indicated that you want him involved (he went to all the scans with you) For you to exclude him now would be cruel and in my opinion completely wrong. You're robbing him of a once in a lifetime memory.

    Yes, you should put him on the birth certificate.

    His surname, I don't know, that's more about preference.

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  • For the sake of historical and medical accuracy, his name should go on the certificate. If you're not on bad terms and he's been there all this time when he didn't have to be (most men would've just cut and run), then why shouldn't you allow him in? It's his baby too.

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  • I don't think it's fair to deprive him of being able to be there at the birth of his own child. He's her father!

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  • He's the father. You put his name on the birth certificate. You have no right to take his fatherhood away from him just because you feel like it.

    As for him being in the room that's more up to you.

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  • Let him in the room. Don't be so selfish. So long as he doesn't cause you stress and endanger you during the birthing process, there's no reason to deny that man entry into that room.

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  • Yeah I would not allow him to be there if I were you. As far as your2nd question, that's up2u

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  • If i ever have children my partner needs to be there... Lol I'm not going through that alone!

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  • You do what you're comfortable with. It's most important for a nicer delivery. They won't let him in if you tell them not to. It can be helpful for some because he can do stuff like get water, pass you things, hold your hand and encourage you. It can be unhelpful and stressful if you can't stand him and/or he's generally an unhelpful person and you know he won't do what he needs to do.

    And yes, definitely put him on birth certificate. That's not for you and nothing to do with you, it's for your baby so that he/she has on paper who their father is. Unless he's a real wrong un, your baby should know who their father is.

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  • HEY. Have you two thought about your child? Do you even IMAGINE what is it like to have parents, but apart? Fvcking nightmare. Please. Work it out with the father. Don't let your child go through unnecessary shit.

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  • At the end. If you can make a family work that would be best for the child. He should be the one in there with you. Your mom is important, at this point, she should be a support to you. Not to create stress. However, often times, parents use control to control their kids (you). Let her be and show her you are a responsible adult who has/can make your own decisions. And you can tell her to cook you nice yummy meals, prepare all that for you. Thats the best she can do for you and her grandchild.

    If you are on good terms with ex. tell him to be there, it would be amazing to see the baby, no one and nothing can compare knowing that baby is yours and how precious it is and be part of the whole experience. No parents should be deny that happiness.

    Your concern about him looking down... trust me, he may not want even want to. Most can't deal with the sight of it.

    How are you having it? C-section or natural?

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