I have camming and fans and my apartment. Some nice things but nothing terribly extravagant. A little money in the bank.. not that that's even hugely important to me.
The guy I love comes around when he's lonely and has free time.. he doesn't really fit me into or involve me in his life. I have guys.. mostly much older guys.. who keep me company when he's not around.
Most of the friends I had are like strangers now and the ones I have left just want to drink and party and bone on webcam with me.
It's a really bleak, hypersexual, lonely life :( what's even worse is I don't feel like there's any long term certainty in ANY of it.. I'm terrified of losing what I DO have.
I'm studying to get into school but that feels like a mountain to conquer at my age and I'm scared I'm not strong enough.
Actually I'm scared I'm not strong enough for any of this anymore. I don't know if I can keep doing it. How can I fix this and get a sense of normalcy? Everything feels so dark and I don't know what to do :(
Most Helpful Guy
Is your apartment rent expensive? Can you afford to buy where you live? If you're concerned about money, I would consider moving to a part of the country with affordable housing. I'm guessing you live in an expensive area due to camming probably paying well. Having that kind of stability may help with anxiety.
It sounds like you have a desire to do other things that your partying friends aren't interested in. There are other people you can meet that you'd probably enjoy their company and have a common interest in trying other hobbies outside of alcohol and whatever other drugs. I remember how common it is for people your age to mainly just want to socialize with alcohol and sex. *boring*
Losing what you do have may actually be beneficial long term. It can motivate people towards personal growth and evaluating the kind of life and interests one wants to focus on, like you're contemplating at an early stage.
School may be great for you. If you aren't inspired enough to finish what you've started there are lots of other paths towards success and fulfillment without a formal degree. What you're learning will still benefit you in someways overall as a person regardless. At the least, it's a sign you're trying to find fulfillment and stability. It's not necessary towards those things though.
I wouldn't necessarily strive for normalcy. I would seek personal growth like you are now in whatever way you're good at learning and in whatever areas that make sense and feel good to you. I believe you will benefit directly based on the effort you put in.0
Most Helpful Girl
You should get away from where you are and do something you’ve never done before. Like just pack a bag and go someplace that you’ve never been and do something you’ve never done before. It seems you’re stuck in the rut of your life, your friends, this guy and overall just depressed about where you’re at in this point of your life and that can make anyone doubt their sanity. I would suggest just getting out of your area and doing something to take the normalcy out of everything you’ve done in the past and try and shake yourself from this funk you seem to be in and then look at your life from a new sight you know. Just get away for a few days if you’re able and then look at your life fresh.0