Should I and if so how do I tell my parents that I don't expect to live to 25 let alone 30 (I'M NOT SUICIDAL ATM, DO NOT DELETE PLEASE)?

I've got major disorder and have attempted suicide twice in the past. I feel good now but I know that the feeling will come back and I eventually won't be in my right mind and probably end up taking my own life. I go to college (well, I'm taking a semester off but that has nothing to do with my mental health just finances.) I go to work. I keep trying but I'm still pretty sure that I won't live to 25 and I'm nearly certain I will be dead before I'm thirty.
Do I tell someone, how do I explain that if so.

Updates:
1mo Make no mistake I legitimately don't want to live anymore.
I'm just not actively suicidal
1mo I'm going to the hospital in a few minutes to get help

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I don't know how you tell someone that. In my own head (hope this doesn't get deleted! I'm not going to hurt myself or whatever, it's just a mental thing I swear) when someone talks about the future, I always assume I won't be here. An example is I have an exam in May to take and the teacher told us the date and I said to myself in my mind, oh I'll probably be dead by then. That's such a fucked up way to think but I really can't help but feel like I only have a short amount of time to live on. And trying to explain that to someone is crazy! It's not like I have set plans, it's just in my mind I'm not going to make it that far. I wish I could tell you how to tell people but I don't know. You just get guilted all the time into not being open about how you feel. No doubt GaG will delete this comment, I hope they don't.

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    • 1mo

      What are you studying?

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    • 1mo

      High school math.
      Don't feel bad,
      I suck at math and my dad has a degree in Electrical engineering.
      How do you think I feel

    • 1mo

      Sucks. TBH I feel like that about all my friends and fam. I'm just so behind everyone.

Most Helpful Guy

  • you need to see a doctor first off and get some mood stabilizers. then get into a physical workout routine (trust me physical exercise helps me a lot with my mental BS)

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What Girls Said 28

  • If I was a parent and my child told me he wasn't expecting to live past 25, I don't think I would ever rest or stop worrying. That's A LOT you are putting on them emotionally. On the other hand, as others have said, talking to somebody, especially someone you know, love, and trust, really does a world of a difference.

    I don't know if it's depression, or like you said, just your disorder, but when I was severely depressed, almost to the point where I thought I had to check myself into a mental institution, I just went to my mom. I didn't want to becuase I didn't want to burden or worry her, but there's a reason why we have parents, and she had the magic words. The pain was still there, but I calmed down. This was months ago.

    Also, something to consider, suicide does not always work. You can leave yourself permanently damaged, paralyzed, etc. People don't always completely die when attempting suicide. So, unless you plan to drop from a skyscraper, I would highly advise you to really think about it. You are incredibly young. I would give anything to be 21 again and try to live my life, but I didn't get a chance to. I missed out on friendships, traveling, experiences, etc, becuase all I did was school, school, school and nothing else. Live, man.

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  • I think you should tell someone. Because I'm not sure about you, but for me talking helps. The thing is Waffles, we cannot know for certain what the future holds. There are plenty of people out there who have illnesses who are told by doctors who have studied their conditions for many years, who only give them a short time to live. And those people end up proving them wrong.

    You may even prove yourself wrong. Plenty of people have been suicidal and depressed and have suffered and then something just clicked in them and it changed their life. They no longer felt suicidal and depressed. Was it over night? No, but it was a series of changes that happened with them that made it possible.

    I know that maybe doesn't sound helpful. But anything is possible. I think talking to someone will at least help, and give them a chance to help get you to a better place in your life.

    Who knows, a year from now you may feel differently.

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  • Tell your parents. It's always best to talk about how you feel to those who love you. ... who you trust. Just speak from the heart. Tell them exactly what you've stated here. . Help them to understand you more by being honest with them.

    It'll be painful to hear, but if I had a child and they ended their life and I had no idea what they were going through.. I'd be burdened with guilt for the rest of my life, because I'd wonder how I didn't know , or foresee it. I'd wonder if I could him saved my child.. if only I'd known

    I'd want to know my child's true mindset and feelings. No matter how difficult it was to hear. I'd never want someone I love to go through anything alone. You shouldn't face this alone either. Reach out to those who Iove you.

    Even if I couldn't help the person I loved, I'd make sure they didn't have to face their battle and struggle alone.

    I admire you so much... like I've stated before. You suffer a daily battle, but yet you find the strength and courage to get through everyday.

    A guy friend of mine ended his life last year. No one knew how severe his depression was. His wife and mother are still grieving, because they feel guilty that they didn't know. At least if they knew, they'd be able to accept they did all they could to save him, even though their efforts would have been futile I'm the end , or maybe it might have saved him

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  • You just need to get proper treatment really.
    Hell, I attempted suicide 4 times in the past & one time I nearly succeeded but I haven't felt seriously suicidal in ~2 years now! It's all a matter of time, finding a way to cope with your issues and finally healing.

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    • 1mo

      I'm so glad your past few years have been better in this regard. :)

    • 1mo

      I'm still looking and I don't know if I'll have one in November either.

  • I know someone else who has told me that if he's not married by the time he is 40, after he's accomplished all his life goals, he's going to take his own life. Not being that way myself, I just can't understand what you must be going through. I don't know what I would do in your position. I have in the past told Drs when I was feeling suicidal, even homicidal. They didn't hospitalize me every time, sometimes it was a chemical imbalance and switch meds helped.

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    • 1mo

      Hey man, dunno if this helps, but as I've said a few times, I look forward to your posts, and would be very sad to lose you here on G@G.

  • I swore I wasn't going to live past 30 because I couldn't see my future. You know how some people know they'll be this by this age, that by that age? I saw nothing. Joke was on me, I'm 7 years past my own expiration date. For me, I think it's because my whole life is just a make it up as I go thing instead of something that is planned.

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    • 1mo

      Does it actually get better

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    • 1mo

      Promise me that, no how bad and hopeless you may feel, that tomorrow morning you will call your psychiatrist and get an appointment to see him ASAP. If that is beyond your capabilities, then get one of your parents to make the appointment for you. That would be nothing to be ashamed about; my mother had to totally take charge of my health care last year when I was unable to handle it myself.

      When it comes to feeling hopeless, I can think of only one possible reason that someone who is suffering from depression has a rational reason for believing that their situation is hopeless- when neither of the two nuclear options of taking an MAOI or of having shock therapy has helped. Unless that's the case, just keep on telling yourself that it's your illness that making you feel hopeless, not your life.

    • 1mo

      It has its up and downs, there's not a day that goes by that I don't say 'f*ck, this would be way easier if I wasn't breathing' but like JenSCDC said, it's mostly the depression. My meds give me just enough breathing room to remember that. And as incredibly cliché and stupid this sounds, after a day or two of dragging myself through the sh*t, my niece will do or say something so simple and cute that it reminds me that it is better than my 20s.
      I rarely leave my house except for work, I sleep 2-4 hours a day because when I'm not at work, I am my niece's mother. My brother and his girlfriend are on methadone, and his girlfriend is not only bipolar, but was committed on Easter Sunday and diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. She has stolen from my family numerous times, lies and undermines everything positive we try to do... but when my niece looks at me and says "Mimi, I love you," it is more than enough to justify trudging through all the bs.

  • Call the health department and they'll get you set up on the right path that will get you into treatment.

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  • Are you currently seeing a psychiatrist? If not, do so ASAP. If you're already seeing one, when's the last time your medications were adjusted?

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    • 1mo

      I am, I had my meds adjusted last month.
      But this has been going on longer than that

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    • 1mo

      A little not enough but about as much as they've ever helped

    • 1mo

      That's a good sign. Talk to your MD about the possibility of increasing your dosages. At the very least, now your doctor has an indication of what family of drugs could be useful for you. If you're already at high doses, ask him about adding, believe it or not, lithium into the mix. I know first hand that a very low dose of lithium can act as a booster for (at least some) antidepressants.

  • Speak to someone you can trust and/or a therapist or doctor. Other things you need to do are to stay strong and keep believing that things will get better. That's how I fight through my on/off depression. You need to think of things you still need/want to do in life and focus on those things.

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  • Just explain to your parents how you feel. They may react negatively or even try to force you to get help, but it's better than just letting it go and have them find their son dead one day and blaming themselves for not knowing anything about it.

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    • 1mo

      If you're as bad as you seem to be, you could easily reach the point where you simply can function anymore. You need to tell your parent because you may have to rely on them to help you manage your life. Last year I had to move back in with my mother for nine months because I was just too far gone to be able to live alone and manage my affairs. In fact, my mother would even accompany me when I saw my psychiatrist.

    • 1mo

      @JenSCDC
      I know I could reach that point,
      If I reach it I've made a pact with myself that I would kill myself if I reach it.
      If my life isn't worth living, I'm not going to live it

    • 1mo

      But you need to have that idea addressed. You should have someone to discuss with what your idea of not worth living is, because that could be vastly different from someone else's take on it, and their idea could totally change your own view. It could work out for the better to discuss with someone you trust.

  • Yes, you should tell your parents and also the people you're close to.
    It must be a terrible feeling and I understand why it never goes away.
    I don't know how can you tell them. It's not an easy conversation. They will be worried and concerned. You must think about everything you will say.
    But I think they have the right to know what's going on with their son.
    I really hope you get rid of these thoughts. And maybe you should seek for help.
    Hope you get better.

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  • GET HELP!
    Please, I dont know whats the cause of your depression but it sounds like a chemical imbalance. Got to a doctor, a counselor, or call the suicidal hotline 1-800-273-8255. please don't take your own life. Dont let your family and friends suffer. get help please please please. there's always another way. u can even message me on here about your problems

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    • 1mo

      While I agree with what you're saying please don't tell people to not let their family and friends suffer. We already feel a lot of guilt as depressed people, please don't guilt us even more when we are suffering.

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    • 1mo

      @JenSCDC the same as yesterday and the day before and every other day of my miserable life. Just getting through the days until I can sleep.

    • 1mo

      @Blonde401 I know exactly how that feels :(

  • Ok, do you think you not living to 25 or 30 will involve you taking your own life or a freak accident? Either way, if you're obsessed over this thought, I would probably contact a psychiatrist who could help you understand why you feel that way.

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    • 1mo

      I'll probably end up killing myself

    • 1mo

      Then yea, 100% you should get a great therapist who will help you live life with your condition.

  • Yes. Tell your parents. Hopefully they are aware of your situation but it's always good to keep them informed.

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  • You need to tell your parents asap and visit the doctors to hopefully get a prescription to help with any issues you have. Maybe try serious counselling as well. Leaving it will make it worse and worse, hearing about people who have tried commuting suicide breaks my heart so please please tell someone now.

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    • 1mo

      Please start out by telling your family, it'll be a start. Ignoring it will make it build and build to the point were you will become actively suicidal, believe me. The thought of telling someone is the worst thing in the world but it has to be done.

  • That seems like a really awkward convo to tell the people that gave you life that they'll most likely bury you in their lifetime.

    I'd say that you reach them through a therapist because I know I can't solve that problem of expecting to kill yourself within 5-10 years.

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  • You need proper medical treatment asap.

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    • 1mo

      I'm getting a therapist sometime next month hopefully but its hard to find the right one

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    • 1mo

      Are you already seeing a psychiatrist?

    • 1mo

      When you're as bad off as you are, a therapist can only do so much to help you, and what that is is just offer support. It's your MD that's important.

  • Yes! Tell someone you're too or kind of close. Try to get as much help as possible. Just because it's bad now doesn't mean it will always be this way.

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  • You need to go to therapy man...

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  • this hurts... even if I don't really know you... Do your parents know about the condition? I would tell them

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    • 1mo

      They know.
      They just don't know that I don't think I'll live very long.
      I've kinda made my peace with it

    • 1mo

      I would tell them. for sure

  • You should see a doctor or a psychologist it will help you

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  • No waffles! I don't want you to die I miss you too much go get therapy please!

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  • what if this change will do you good?

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  • Depends, do they know about your previous attempts hun?

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  • Do they know about your attempts? :/

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    • 1mo

      yeah they do

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    • 1mo

      Because the feeling always comes back.
      I still don't really want to live anymore. I'm just not actively suicidal.

    • 1mo

      I think you should seek help. :/

  • Please. I know majority of suicidal people, that feeling never goes. They just learn to manage it. Please please please, if you feel like that again seek more help.
    For a parent hearing what you want to tell them, it will shatter their hearts, but honestly these types of conversations, although difficult, need to be had.

    In the nicest way possible, please do speak to somebody about your feeling like this. Not just your parents, also a professional. Let people help you to manage your feelings as time goes on.

    Coming out of feeling suicidal is a major thing. You've been through so much emotional trauma and it won't be fixed overnight. It takes years for some people to start feeling "normal" and living again without feeling how you're feeling or feeling apart from society.

    Do have the conversation, but also look into long term professional support that you know you can turn to anytime when you need.

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    • 1mo

      That's an update that's made me happy :) good luck.

  • Can I PM you to answer your question? I'm asking because you didn't allow private opinions.

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  • Don't tell them, that just causes them extra stress especially since you don't know if that's really going to happen, not to mention you're only 21 now and lot can change. And you just said you are not currently suicidal.

    Sounds like attention seeking to me.

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What Guys Said 9

  • I've had similar feelings, minus the suicide attempts. I live my life day in and day out, go to work, school, home, sleep, study... but i'm just going through the motions. you're at a very frustrating age, this is where the pressures of building a family, having a steady job, and pretty much having your shit together are placed on you. Try to take sometime to self reflect, what do you want to do with your life, do you have any goals you want to achieve, is there a particular career you want to focus on, do you want to build a family, or travel? The goal is to find a reason for you to get up every morning, find a reason to live. Don't just go through the motions, actively participate in whatever task you are taking part of. Don't go through life wondering what could have been, you still have so much left to offer to this world, your full potential has yet to be reached, so many significant people you have yet to meet, you have too much left ahead of you, for you to just waste. When you feel like your life isn't worth living, reach out to somebody. There are people that know exactly what you are going through and who have the proper tools to give you a different perspective on life. Just keep going, you have to get through the darkness in order to reach the light. Good luck buddy.

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  • When I was your age --- never thought I'd be saying those 5 words one day, but I am xD --- when I was your age, I was in an extremely bad way myself. I was actually in a downward slide for at least 2 years before that, and it culminated in a living nightmare for me when I was about 21, and lasted through my early 20s.

    I'm not out of the woods yet --- far from it --- but I definitely prefer my circumstances now, compared to where I was when I was 21. When I was 21, I also tried to look into my future but could literally imagine nothing there, like I didn't exist in the future... similar to what you are maybe describing now.

    However, you have to keep pushing. I had some suicidal thoughts back then, and I'm glad I didn't act on them, because otherwise I wouldn't have seen some of the good things that I've seen since. We don't know what happens after death, no matter what we think of it. Therefore, we might as well have a 0% chance of happiness or even relief in death. But we only know FOR SURE that life has some chance of happiness, even if it seems like a teeny tiny percentage for some of us. But 0.01% is infinitely better than 0%. So you have to keep breathing and keep waking up and keep moving, because we never know what tomorrow may bring.

    And remember that we are not made to be solitary animals. You have to tell someone, even though they might not understand. Weird things happen when we are inside our own heads too much, and spend too much time alone or within our own thoughts.

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  • You need to ask for help. Family, doctor, someone you trust. It won't be easy for them to hear but they will be glad you reached out rather than doing something else. Friend of mine had BPD and said exactly the same thing as you. So far she is doing well!

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    • 1mo

      Update: I can relate to that feeling. Erica Moen (comic artist) explains it really well here:

      medium.com/.../i-want-to-live-6a40fbc76ef4

      It's not wanting to commit suicide so much as it is wanting to stop existing.

      Please talk to someone. You know this is not how you want to feel, you can do something about it. You do not have to face this alone.

  • No, and life just starts to make sense at 25. Wait till your 55, before you start to decline, to make any decisions like that.

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  • Please find a good therapist and a direction

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  • Are you already in therapy? If not, you need to try it.

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  • Even if you don't believe "It Gets Better"(tm) it does, or at the very least it CAN.

    Sometimes it's better, sometimes worse, but it's worth waiting for the better times, really.

    Life is always better than the alternative.

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  • go to GOD tell him everything
    what can we do
    make you feel better for a moment
    it won't last

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  • Meh, I don't want to live either but what can I do... I had similar ideas when I was your age.

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