What is your favourite joke?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • So three scientist decide to study the effects of putting a cork in an elephant's ass and sealing it shut for a 5 year period. The scientists would then feed and groom the elephant normally until the test period was over, at which time they would remove the cork.

    Year one passes without much change. The elephant experiences minor discomfort, but otherwise seems happy.

    Years two and three are hell as the elephant has almost doubled in size from bloating. He can no longer move as his stomach has distended to the ground and out around his legs, rendering them useless. The scientists keep feeding him, however, and being a dumb elephant, it keeps eating.

    By year four the elephant is an unrecognizable blob of stretched gray skin that fills the entire holding pen. A strange rumbling sound like a distant earthquake comes and goes, but the scientist can find no problem with the elephant's heath so the test continues.

    Around 6 months to the uncorking date, the scientist begin drawing up battle plans for how that day will work. They all need to take measurements, however none of them want to be the one who pulls the cork, and from the sight of the giant quivering, rumbling blob that used to be an elephant, who could blame them? For this task, they decide to train a lab monkey.

    On uncorking day, everything is finally put in place.
    The elephant, now a million pounds of pressure behind a tiny cork, has been carefully moved to a giant raised platform in the middle of the arizona desert. The monkey, now an expert at pulling corks, is set, dwarfed, beside it.

    Scientist 1 has dug a trench 5 miles away to take his measurements in.
    Scientist 2, not trusting his colleague's judgment of distance, has built a tower 10 miles away.
    Scientist 3, the ever paranoid one, is monitoring the entire experiment on CCTV in a different state.

    The cue is given and the monkey pulls the cork.

    The 3 scientists meet in heaven shortly after.
    Scientist 1 is covered in poo poo from head to toe. He turns to the others and says "The trench wasn't far enough, I drowned in elephant shit."
    Scientist 2, with a look of utter disgust on his face says "It was the smell that got me, I suffocated to death in my tower."
    They both turn to scientist 3, who has a smile on his face. Scientist 1 says "Well, you were a 100 miles away, how on earth did you die?"
    Scientist 3 says with a chuckle "I died from laughter watching the monkey try to put the cork back in."

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Most Helpful Girl

  • why didn't the mouse fit into its hole

    because it was on a tractor

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