Is it unfair to ask your SO to stop talking to an ex?

if the ex still has feelings for him/her and wants/asks to get back together?
how would you feel if he/she kept talking to them regardless of you constantly asking them not to
and why would he/she be so keen on talking to that ex?

  • yes it's unfair
    31% (22)33% (15)32% (37)Vote
  • no its fair
    69% (49)67% (31)68% (80)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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What Guys Said 19

  • Talking to an ex as a friend is fine by me, but if that ex is trying to get back together it is no longer fine. The SO should have figured that out by him-/herself and if not should listen to the person telling them to break it off. I would never accept someone putting the make on my SO, but just talking, no problem.

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  • Ask her if she wants you to be committed to her and only her. Then ask if its okay for you occasionally to have lunch with ex-girlfriends.

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  • Don't people have enough other friends?

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  • No it's fair , If he loves you than he needs to stop contact with his ex
    he will find a ex is a ex for one reason or another. You shouldn't have to
    be put up with his bull and deep down this is upsetting you or making
    you mad why don't they ever learn?

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  • If she was talking to one of hers, she'd become one of mine, no questions asked.

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  • no. i wouldn't deal with girls that has their exes around.

    i honestly see them as mental or plain stupid.

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  • I supposed if they had been friends for years but ex's are a complicated thing I don't know if I could personally handle it myself.

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  • Yes it's unfair and I'd be wondering if I should maintain a relationship with someone who tells me whom I can and cannot talk to

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  • That's called boundaries.

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  • It's completely fair as long as it's truly a SO and not just another boyfriend/girlfriend..

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  • In your case I find it fair.

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  • Yes that's fair if the ex has feelings.

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  • Do it!

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  • In general, yes, unless there's a justification as to why they should other than your own insecurities.
    I'm saying yes regardless of whether you're a guy or girl.

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  • kinda betrayed.

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  • My parent don't talk to their ex's... they've been married 25+

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  • Yeah it's unfair, you should trust him/her. Having said that it's unfair to the ex to keep talking cause he/she will struggle to move on

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  • If a girl was still friends with/hangs out with an ex, I wouldn't be with her in the first place. No exceptions.

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  • If I'm getting really serious with someone then I don't want any ex's with old feelings getting in the mix and complicating things. You said SO which means you're officially boyfriend and girlfriend, (which used to mean commitment but nowadays I guess not) which means there shouldn't be someone in the background competing for their feelings and trying to take them away from you. Wtf? I would make her erase that person and get serious or I'd drop her.

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What Girls Said 20

  • That is why you never date somebody who is still talking and hung up with an ex. It means they have never moved on. If there are no romantic feelings for each other no more and their civil, fine. But at the end of the day, you can ask him. But he can do whatever he wants to do without your consent. However, it says a whole lot about them. It's your choice to stay in such a relationship or go.

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  • because your So still has feelings for his Ex that's why he keeps talking to him/her. your x is suppose to be your past you look back every now and then to see how you've grown from it but you don't stay in your past with it. if he/she doesn't want to stop talking to his /her x I would leave the picture. they're always going to have chemistry that you don't have and instead of being jealous and stressing over it. move on to someone who will give you time and attention.

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  • It would be unfair if the two were just friends. However, if she consistently pushes him to break up with you, he needs to put her in her place, and if that doesn't work, it's not unreasonable for him to cease contact with her.

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  • If they're talking as friends, I would be ok with that but if she was asking to get back together? I would feel heartbroken because I will get scared but I will also talk to him.
    As for your other question I kept talking to my ex for awhile and my boyfriend knew and as soon he acted like he wanted me back, I stopped talking to him, changed my number when I bought a new phone and I even made another Facebook account using my middle name only because he might use his friends account to talk to me.
    Some people just feel bad especially if it was mutual and they were friends before.

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  • If the ex very obviously wants to get back into their life to get in their pants... yea, it's fair to say "stop talking to that wannabe homewrecker!" But if the person is very chill and they just want to be friends/were friends for a long time... I would be more open to respecting a relationship between them.

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  • Unless there's a child involved, you shouldn't have to ask.

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  • Well no need to ignore an ex, if you had some good moments with them, you want to stay ok with that person, but if they want to get back together with you, you need to say clearly that it is not going to happen.

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  • Asking is fair but your partner has the right to say no.

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  • I think I'd want to know why they continued to talk and tell him it makes me uncomfortable but ultimately I'd have to trust him and not give an order of who he can or can't speak with.

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  • Why would he be talking to his ex. Cuz I will put it to him so simple. U can go back with ur past while I find my future with someone else.

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    • 11d

      He might be talking to his ex because he's friends with her? I've got exes who I'm friends with and I still talk to them, I'm not attracted to them at all, but I was once and I still care about them. If that was too much for my girlfriend to handle, she's welcome to break up with me.

    • Show All
    • 11d

      @Asker Ugh, I apologize. I'm too tried, ignore whatever I've said lol.

    • 11d

      @Kkaos hahaha it's ok :D

  • As long as it is a mutual thing.

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  • Unless they are those weird types of people that can genually become friends with their exes and be done with any type of attraction, I say its fair.

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  • If I'm even talking to you then I expect you to stay 1825885 metres away from all your ex's

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  • My ex and I were best friends up until recently. I cut it off because he got a girlfriend but it was obvious he still cared for me. After all these years, just gotta cut em off

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  • Why would it be fair? They don't belong to you. They're their own person and can do whatever they want. If you don't trust them enough you shouldn't be in a relationship with them in the first place. Stop behaving like you own whoever you're dating.

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  • he would stop contacting them if he truly loves you

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  • Why do people keep getting with these people who keep their exes round, then later having a problem with it...

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    • 8d

      I wish I had known she was still in his life when we met
      he lied and told me they cut contact completely

  • Are you worried about your relationship? If not why does it matter? If he wants to be with her or is going to go back to her minus well find out now, ya know?

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    • 9d

      he cheated on me with her before

    • 8d

      So if you can't trust him why are you even still with him?

  • Yes, it is fair when it has an effect on your relationship with him... would it be okay for him if you would communicate with your ex?

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  • Its not unfair to ask. So long as its not a demand. You can't control your SO, just let them know why it bothers you and tell them it would make you more comfortable if you just didn't talk to them anymore but let them decide for themself if they will or won't. If it b becomes too big of an issue after you have already discussed it then I would say its time to give an ultimatum but before it comes to that you have to allow your SO the freedom to choose who they talk to and trust them.

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