I hate talking (in general)... Anyone else? Why is everyone acting like it's a bad thing & I should work on it?

I'm 22. I've always been introverted and liked being alone. In preschool I would wedge myself between bookshelves and watch other kids play and laugh at them. I was perfectly content. It wasn't because I was afraid or had anxiety. I was shyer when I was younger. I have shy moments now as well but for the most part when I don't talk it's because I just don't want to. I hate small talk. I don't like telling people the affairs of my life. I'll only speak when I actually have something to contribute and feel like it's meaningful. I keep getting comments from others "you don't talk!" Or in college now, a group member said I was unapproachable because I never talk. Other times I've been labeled as stupid or unaware of things because I don't blab about everything under the moon. Or on dates.. guys always remark how quiet I am. I respond to those who talk to me and I'm the kindest person, but I honestly find it of great effort to talk. I just prefer not to. I like listening and watching or doing other things other than talking. Of course, I also feel a barrier to a lot of people and it's hard for me to connect to many. with those I have a lot in common with, I can talk a lot and carry a great conversation with. But, I rarely have that connection with people around me.


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What Guys Said 3

  • I'm very much the same. I love to talk, but not about bullshit. If I'm going to make the effort, it better be about something interesting and substantial. I've gotten "unapproachable" too.

    Susan Cain's TED talk was so affirming to me, that I bought her book:

    www.ted.com/.../susan_cain_the_power_of_introverts

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  • You sound nice to me, keep being who you are and don't let people change you, unless you want to.

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  • Well.. If you want a lasting relationship then it sure is a bad thing. Most relationships require communication.

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What Girls Said 4

  • i know exactly how you feel. i have often been called stuck up because of how little i talk. also, when i was in school i HATED being put in groups. it was so freaking awkward. i think the reason for this is because society makes extroverts such a huge deal. the quiet ones are the ones they seem to be afraid of because they never know what they're thinking. so the introverts get pegged as devious, or problematic. it's really dumb.

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  • I feel the same way you do and some times I think that people want me to talk because they want to feel "wanted" or "loved" and "accepted" by me because if I talk to them in their minds it means I "like" them but the honest truth is I like them just for talking to me and listening to them helps me know them better. In other words, some times we are just who we are and we may just be more the listening type. Plus like you said, small talk bores me too.

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  • I think I get it, you see all the social stuff as pointless most of the time. Which honestly I feel this way too! Like it's so boring to listen to. The only fun things to listen to are drama, or new information like new ideas. I love hanging with people since it's fun but could live w/o chattering too.

    I don't think anyone should be insulted for not talking, that's just people being attention whores.

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  • I don't like talking a lot either, in high school I was called dumb few times because I didn't like talking. Now nobody calls me dumb but there are some people who find me boring because of that but there're some who I enjoy talking to and accept me for who I am. And I hate small talks, it's so pointless for me.

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