When a man gives a woman a lavish gift🎁, he thinks he is scoring 5 points in her book when actually that is worth just a point to her?

Question

So a fellow GAGer was reading a book about relationship and he told me that the author of the book said this:

"When a man gives a woman a lavish gift, he thinks he is scoring 5 points in her book when actually that is worth just a point to her. She will mentally record it as a point. Men will always have this proclivity to award more points to a deed/gift of a larger scale as opposed to women who would count each gesture of affection/gift as 1 point."

So what do you think about this, fellow GAGers?

UnknownReflection · Accepted Answer

To be honest, if i wanna give an open outlook on this, I have to read the a book to understand the concept of the book itself and the perspective the author is trying to accomplish with the example.
We have to dig deeper to this. This statement is "Generalizing" women. But in order to get this you have to go deep and understand this sentiment could be truth for women who hold financial capability as a principle to involve with men. Not every woman is like that. Women's nature is to appreciate affection. During this age and time, plenty of women developed "Luxury" "Financial" principle. Money brings security. And this security is all they want. Thus they gather points about the value of financial spent by men on a regular base.
For those who do not hold financial as a priority to involve with men. This would be a total nonsense. By nature normally, women appreciate the affection.(without further developments according to age and century) How men tend to care about their emotions, how they attend to their feelings, how they behave and treat a lady and how woman would feel visible and wanted enough in the eyes of the man. The gift could be as luxury as a jewelry or as simple as a flower. Women catch the affection provided by men without seeing it as a challenge to count-recount points of the action.

Although, Let's fully accept the statement without any further side, genders give scores, Men give five but women one, maybe by putting this as an example author wants to tell us how an affection must be consistent. By that i mean, imagine if group of men thinking, i give a luxury gift to the woman, and then that pays off my attention for a full six month, like a contract, then this is so unwise and a wrong call, judgement and understanding by men. So if some men believe like this, we should remind them women get one score in each gift, means you must show consistent affection in order to keep the lady satisfied. It could be a flower or a luxury gift, (author says one point regardless of the value) it's showing the value of consistency, if your gift worth a lot, that does not mean you think you did a lot in order to not do anything for a long time to come. Consistency affection is required.

mwin2030 · Accepted Answer

It is merely another example of the difference in the genders from my perspective. Males will tend to subscribe larger points to the actions they perform for the girl they’re with as opposed to how much a female would aware such points for a particular action or deed, but in like manner, females tend to do the same thing when they are doing something for the guy they’re with. They will attribute a large number of “points” for what they do, believing they are being overly generous, while the male they’re with would more than likely just subscribe one point for the gift or deed. It has been my experience that whether you are male or female you put greater weight and points to your own actions as opposed to the actions of others, as in our ego and arrogance we feel we are doing more than we actually are when it is “us” doing the task or giving the gift. That’s my bottom line.

Wonderer89 · Accepted Answer

I think it depends where you rate gifts on your love language scale. To some, giving a gift is a huge sign of their love - it's a declaration and the more thought, effort and money put into the gift the more it should be valued.

But if it's given to someone who shows/receives love in the quality time the couple spends together it's not going to be as valued. If he spent theee days focussed on getting this gift right and not spending time with her it's not speaking to what she values so could be worth a lot less to her than to him

Lillypad190 · Accepted Answer

A lavish gift would make me fill weird/uncomfortable unless it's from someone super close to me that loves me deeply. like my husband or my mom. because then i know they do not want anything in return they did it to see me happy and because the love me. but even then i fill like every thing should be split down the middle. so chances are if some one did that for me id try and do something sweet for them.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I read this book and agree with most of it, but not that. Of course a big gesture counts more than "1 point" but that a big gesture doesn't keep someone from having to help in the day to day routines.

It'd be like saying men are stingy because they get irritated if their wife cooks a lavish 7 course meal once a month, but not at all the other 29 days.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

Lavish gifts have the danger of making a woman think that the man believes he can buy her affections. If that occurs, it is a major loss of points, perhaps even bankruptcy!

MrOwens · Answer

Men like to feel accomplished. When I give a gift to a woman. It is because she wanted it. I do not value gifts so in my mind their is not much emotion behind it. It is boring and disposable. Relationship and emotion is more profitable. You can not buy someones love. I don't see it on a scoring level. No one should look at it this way. Why? Because it developed in me mind "self imposed entitlement". This is why men in dating get pissed off when things go side ways. They put themselves out here loosing emotion, resources and time. Time lost is very valuable. When their is no reciprocation this is where the frustration comes in. Reality no one owes you or I anything and that "Owes" is a form of control and it is a illusion we tell ourselves.

Kachatterjee · Answer

My two cents -

We usually gift lavish gifts to people who are special. When I gift something to my parents, wife , or children, I gift what suits them. The gift needs to be worth of them and not the other way round.

Indeed for the person who receives the gift, they also go by the sentiment that is involved and not the price. So for them, its more than a point.

genericname85 · Answer

i´d argue that a mentally healthy man doesn´t make lavish gifts. a really cute or fitting gift once in a while that shows that you know her and care for her may score 10 points or more but lavish gifts are just awkward. i don´t understand how some dudes don´t get that.

Anonymous · Answer

Reading men are from mars, women from venus, huh?

I think there's a fair bit of truth in that. Men tend to focus more on big picture and fewer things. Also he tries to phrase it as physical touch, but that's 70% a euphemism for sex, which men count massively.

RJGraveyTrain · Answer

Wait, people keep point scores in relationships? What? I don't expect anybody to give me anything, if they do, big or small, I just try to appreciate it even if I feel awkward. I don't keep... points?

mooky06 · Answer

I rather be lavished with food lol but with the question at hand, I don't see why one should keep tallying brownie points to win ones love. It seems rather pitiful don't you think?

mike5150 · Answer

I don't hand out lavish gifts often but if I think enough of her to do so I would hope we weren't still at the point where either one of us were adding points.

miamigirl1970 · Answer

I want a gift for love and respect, I don't give awards or points, I don't put anyone on a point system in life...

SarahsSummer · Answer

I think I give more points for a heartfelt gift as opposed to a lavish one.

Sara413 · Answer

I can honestly say I've never thought about my relationship on a points system... wtf is that? Lol

CHARismatic110 · Answer

What is the deal with the point system thing? I don't keep score in a relationship. I'm always hesitant to accept gifts just based off experience, but I'm not keeping some mental scorecard. That's nonsense.

CyberToothTiger · Answer

When i give a girl a lavish gift , it could be a necklace or bracelet  but i do it for the sake of real love. I don't do it to score any points.

IvyOp · Answer

What is this "point" system about anyway? Who is keeping score... as if it's a competition or something? Is one better than another? Is is a game?

ThatonegirI · Answer

It really depends on the gift. How personal it is, how much thought he put into it. For me, I score it based on how much love was put into the gift, not money.

TuMeManques · Answer

Whoops I voted I agree on accident. I disagree with this entire paragraph. If you're dating a man or women who thinks in terms of points then dump him or her immediately.

Righttobeararms83 · Answer

If a man gives a lavish gift to a woman to score points or for special favours it usually means he thinks very little of her and that she is someone to bought cheaply with money and that she has no real value as a person.

JustCallMeLeon · Answer

Every person has his/her own *point system* and rules that apply to it.

WhiteSteve · Answer

I'd need a much more detailed outline of this whole point system to answer accurately🤔

supernerd99 · Answer

totally true. this man knows his shit. you can buy her a mansion and she be like meh. another smooth man can buy her a flower and be more important and have more impact in her heart. men think that bigger more expensive gifts will win them the girl. bullshit. these beta types always stay with the dick in their hand... .

When a man gives a woman a lavish gift🎁, he thinks he is scoring 5 points in her book when actually that is worth just a point to her?

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