How to get over being used?

Long story short I found out this guy has been using me for sex for over a year. I was verging on loving him but he apparently didn't like me at all and called me an idiot for not realizing this all sooner. He basically completely changed as throughout the year he lead me to believe he did like me. Please don't call me an idiot for falling for his games as I already know I am. Just tell me how I can get over this? I feel like crap since he'd been lying to me all this time. Oh yes and he took my virginity so it just gets better


Most Helpful Guy

  • Well, one way to get over it is simply to accept it.

    Accept the fact that almost everyone winds up regretting how they lost their virginity. Also accept that most young guys are hardwired to want to seek out multiple partners. They can't really help it. It's a fact of biology. So most young guys are basically scum.

    The good news is, that as guys get older and a little more mature, they stop being such scumbags.

    I'd suggest you date casually for a while. Don't have sex, but date a lot of different guys in the short term. Get to know them as individuals. Get to know what men are like, when sex isn't a complicating factor. Keep your emotional distance as much as possible, by dating only in the short term.

    You'll find that guys (particularly guys who are no longer ruled to the point of insanity by hormones) are just people. They have a different set of needs, and they think differently to women... but they're not some hideous alien beasts. They're just people. And when you've learned a lot about the different types of guys you've met in the world, then you can find one to date seriously. And take a while, even a long while, before you decide to sleep with him.

    You'll find it's more rewarding that way.


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What Guys Said 3

  • Let me give you some advice. when you meet a new guy you are interested in, don't trust him if he's a smooth talker. Even the ones who act nice. Because usually the ones who are genuine are gonna be the quiet shy ones.

    The reason girls get suckered is because all the jerks are so outgoing and don't give a sh*t about girl feelings except their own. And when the nice guy grows a pair he gets rejected because he doesn't have the experience to compete against these aholes.


  • It sounds like a little counseling might work wonders. Talking to someone who won't judge you and who will help you learn how to cope with this kind of disappointment will very likely get you back on your game and fairly quickly. Good luck!

  • I'm sad and sorry to hear that. Just try to move on and don't trust us guys like that next time.


What Girls Said 1

  • I know how you feel. I lost my virginity to a guy who used me. He dumped me as soon as he got what he wanted. I hate men now and never want to have sex again, because I think that's all they want me for. I don't know how to get over it either, and mine happened over a year ago. I have rejected so many guys who have wanted to go out with me, because I think they will all be the same. If I ever get a boyfriend I am not going to let him have sex with me for a LONG time... maybe even wait until I am married to him.

    • Well that was how it was for centuries - no sex until marriage. Don't play with the merchandize, either buy or move on. Unforunately that world was systematically destroyed and continues to be destroyed.

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    • why isn't it the right choice? if I do that then I can sift out the guys who just want sex, and find someone who wants ME.

    • As you get more experience, you'll get much more adept at identifying the players. Don't blame all men for the sins of one schmuck. Like women, we're all individuals and deserve to be accepted as such.