If I stop contacting him? *Not playing hard to get*

[lovemesilly]

I had a question removed. If I stop calling him? he hadn't been calling me because I was doing all the contacting and it made me feel some kind of way.

well I went a full week without texting or calling and GUESS WHAT , he called & texted me 5am , he has been texting and calling sitting on the phone with me which he hasn't done in a long time . I told em I would call him back I didn't on purpose HE CALLED me again my phone was tripping so it would hang up he calls back ,i hung up on him once he called back he wanted to see me usually he would make it a point that I come to him but I said no so he said he will drive 30-40miles to where I am . I'm going to continue to give him a taste of his own medicine but I won't take it to far as playing with his feelings I just want to see the effort.

How would you take this guys?

Girls have you tried this?

Is this OK, will he pursue

Is this going to turn him off

Updates

+1 y

He hasn't called , I refuse to call or text him , it really makes me feel like he tried to get confirmation that I still have feelings for him or he still has me we stayed up all night until the sun came up talking and sex came into play. I am NOT calling no I'm not

Updates

+1 y

He texted me this Morning I didn't know Haha oops Well I guess he does still care and he will Show it as long as I stop making him My priority

Updates

+1 y

This is a I didn't know what I had til its gone type of guy , he used to be all about us I want that back but I don't tell him that I don't really express My feelings like I used to nor does he

[Tamikaze]

You know what, people get this subject all confused. Here are the basics.

1. Putting the effort of contact into the other person's court is not a way of getting someone to change their level of contact. It IS a way to find out how interested they are in you. So, this could have gone either way.

2. Being the one who does all the initial contacting, being the one who drives the 40 miles to see the other person because that is the way they want it, that is all stuff that shows our insecurity about our value to the other person. If we are fearful that by not contacting, not driving to them, and not bending over backwards that they will find us too difficult to date and we will lose them, well that is a sad statement on our value of ourselves. If a guy is only seeing you because you are doing all the work to make it easy he just is not that in to you.

3. As a woman, it just sends the wrong message to a guy if you are pursuing him. Not only does it mean you don't value yourself enough, but, guess what, he will pick up on that too and he won't value you either. You will become that convenient thing that requires no effort from him. I would say this is like the difference between how well you treat your first car if you had to work hard to buy it or your parents gave it to you. Most people treat things with greater care when it wasn't easy to get in the first place.

4. Relationships that are one-sided become boring, and boredom is a relationship killer. Both people should be on their toes and not take the other person for granted.

5. And if you don't go for any of this, consider this final point. Women can overpower a guy with contact. If you do all the contact you will never learn what his pace is for contact. Guys are less discriminate in jumping into sex, but more picky than girls when it comes to starting a relationship. Love requires becoming vulnerable and guys have to take their d*cks off the market as well as do all the relationship stuff expected of them. So, if you are always initiating, you can easily scare a guy off. They need time to process and get to know you. Let them have it.

I had a girlfriend who took this to the extreme with her husband. She absolutely would not initiate calls or texts at all while they dated. She wouldn't even return his calls. She offset that by being quite sweet and thoughtful on their dates and showing great interest in him. Guess you could tell he really, really was in to her otherwise he would have stopped calling at some point. I wouldn't take it quite that far, but I did learn to stop initiating contact until I was in a relationship. It made it so much easier to figure out if a guy was really interested.

[lovemesilly]

Ive bern doing all the everything he says its not true but it is. So now I'm falling back because I've lost some intrest myself trying to talk to him and make him happy I just love him, so now I'm giving him the chance to show me if he wants me around I kno he loves me but love and wants are different .i was very shocked to see him drive all the way here he hardly never does anything I'm always doing and doing always. I have a tendencey to be mean to him I can't help it. Well I'm falling back some

[Daniel89]

im going to put a little wisdom in this. It simple, people are a little selfish with their time.. their is a middle path to this.. every relationship need divine space. that means leaving a few days for the said other to enjoy time to their own life's. and you doing this out of love because you want to see them happy and enjoy their life's because your not selfish about their time not out of self-ishness because you want to GET

[lovemesilly]

I do everything I do that involves him because I love him he is just so hard to read he isn't much of a feeling talker

[TheoryOfAvarice]

It may turn him off if you do it too long. Like you said you don't plan on continuing doing this so hopefully you don't push it too far by accident.

Honestly you should probably just talk to him and try to establish some better communication. If the two of you are constantly playing mind games with each other like this then someone is bound to get really upset about it sooner or later.

[lovemesilly]

I will talk to him about it we kind of just talked about everything but. He texted me this Morning I texted back hours later oops . I just want to make myself better as a woman also you know I'm young but My father taught me the old school way so me being a pursuer of a guy that pursued me first isn't Working anymore. I just want what we had back I feel its happening slowly but I have to stay on track for the both of us we will both be happy again if not he will always be My bff

[calgirl]

i was in the same situation and I did the same thing, and the guy responded in the same way yours did! haha, funny boys.

the only thing I'd say is don't over-do it, just every now and then to keep him in check lol.

[lovemesilly]

Yes maam I'm Working on checking him and its Working

[Anonymous]

I was always the one contacting so I did what you did. The thing is, I have been telling her for some time I would appreciate it if she would call/message me first for once. 100% of the time, not even once did she ever contact me first. So, I questioned if she truly liked me or if she just likes the attention. Of course when I ask her she states, "Of course I like you gosh, why can't you trust me".

Well, I believe in actions not words. She can say I like you, but if she says she likes me and I tell her straight up that I would like her to contact me first once in a blue moon and she doesn't contact me. That tells me she doesn't like me like she claims. So, I'm done with her.

[lovemesilly]

Yes she was enjoying the attention , that's too bad

[Tamikaze]

Yes, even though women should not chase guys, if you are seeing a guy and really like him and he tells you that he would appreciate it if you initiated contact here and there, then you do that. It's not like you were telling her to chase you or do all the initiating. What you were telling her is something that would make you feel good or special and she did not care to do so. Before being done with her, I would let her know how this made you feel and if she still does nothing, move on.

[Daniel89]

their no doubt that this is hurting him and the confusion and insecurity is causing him to make sure you OK. you shouldn't do these things on purpose knowing how much space to give a person should be done from you own wise character. as long as you not being selfish about how much time your taking up in his day its OK. don't over do this to much , you could end up corrupting his heart and he will be an a**hole to you out of resentment. talk to him and then give him some time let him call u, then talk to him and then give him time but don't give him time expecting him to call u. that's called manipualtion

[lovemesilly]

He kind of was hinting that he missed me never said it, he said I haven't heard from you. You don't care if you hear from me or not. It bothered him I stopped cold turkey for and entire week I actually didn't feel bad. I'm not trying to manipulate him just really stop giving my all to him because it seems as if things are easy or convenient he just feels like I'm never going anywhere ,which is some way true and I feel the same about him,but I have to let go a little bit I babied him

[Daniel89]

its good to let go but you have work to do to. don't just let him drag the whole relationship for u. just give things time and call anyway . people always want to get and not give.

[lovemesilly]

I've always been the giver so we are too old to keep the same bull corn going when in the end I'm the one that's feeling inferior because I give he takes and he is just as happy as can be knowing no matter what he will always have me and do nothing for it that's not fair he is used to things being handed to him

[goldgunsgirls]

It's gonna turn him off. Keep a balance. Make sure you're both contacting each other the same amount. Otherwise he's gonna think you're not interested and he's gonna move on. Although, to be honest... from his behavior it does sound like he might be a player so be careful and don't get too attached to him.

[lovemesilly]

He texted me this Morning , I do believe he is a player but I can't help that we have this bond we can never seem to let go its been 8yrs between us as best friends and being together off and on , I'm so just I don't want to say I'm letting him abuse My love because I don't take his crap I always leave unwillingly because of the.love we have for each other I'm Already attatched to him

[goldgunsgirls]

Yeah but it doesn't seem like he values this "best friend"ship that much if he's willing to play these games and be a player with you and everything.

[lovemesilly]

WHAT do you mean exactly

[goldgunsgirls]

You're saying that you have a special bond and everything as best friends, but you two don't seem like best friends to me. He doesn't really have much of an interest in you when you show an interest in him, he seems like a player and he seems willing to lay on the moves until he gets with you and then who knows what'll happen after that... chances are the friendship won't last after that unless you two end things well and don't get too attached or into each other... so that's what I meant.

[lovemesilly]

We have had huge falling outs but we always make up he always apologized even if it was My fault we remain friends . Far as the interest I yexted him saying Good Morning listening to the comments here and he didn't respond ha ha ha I'm letting go I'm not letting My feelings get involved because I know how he works I know he loves me but that spoiled sagittarius is in his own world so I will let him be himself

[normalice]

please don't or he will be on here next asking "why did she stop contacting me?"

[lovemesilly]

If he calls I will answer or call back later or tell him ill call him back I can't be so avalible anymore . He has My heart he knows it. I just can't be the pursuer he pursued me in the begining he always comes back to me no matter what I've left him. He told me for the rest of his life he wants me there

[OpenArmsAlice]

if you really care about him you need to show it, you can't test people for to long or they lose interest and you may end up being the one burned.

So make sure he knows you appreciate him and don't leave him hanging too long

[lovemesilly]

Im not I'm showing him and I actually call him and text him in we've been seeing each other too