Is my boyfriend selfish or am too demanding of him?

[Anonymous]

we have been together for about a year now. when we first met he didn't wasn't ready for a relationship but the more we got to see each other the more I guess it grew on him and before you know it, he was referring to me as his girlfriend

About 1-2 months ago is when he first told me he loved me.

The backround on my bf: he is a very independent guy, who travels a lot for work, and by a lot I mean we use to live an hour away , then he got relocated to being 5 hours away , and then he got relocated to being 15 hours away now. But we are hoping that he gets relocated again to being one hour away . He is hardly ever open with his feeligns, but he does say he loves or misses me and cares about me.

I have been stressed with exams and we Haven't been talking much for the past couple days due to our busy schedules. yet we text every day.

Yesterday he was out having fun and I felt like he had forgotten all about me. no text or calls like he normally does when its the weekend. he texted me later on but it was so late and I was headed to bed. I asked him "say something sweet before I head off to bed" and he said "muffins" (thats what he call me sometimes) but I was a little disappointed, I was expecting to hear him say I love you sleep well or I miss you wish you were here.

This morning, I was still a little upset, but wanted to hear his voice so I tried not to bring it up but then I coulldnt help myself and I hate holding back sometimes. so I told him that he could of made me happy last night and he usually opts not to say anything nice when I ask him to. then he told me he was out with a friend and his friend invited some girls along as well as guys. This made me angry. Why? because I went to bed feeling like he didn't care, then I wake up still upset, and find out instead of wasting 2 seconds of his life saying something sweet to me so I could be happy, he was out partying with his friend and some girls (oh and guys)

When I told him , he didn't understand and said he did nothing wrong, "its not like I was out flirting with anyone". But I felt like it just makes him seem like he doesn't care. He said "i don't have to tell you I love you or care about you every second of the day, you should know I do"

He got a bit frustrated that I was "demanding" him to say nice things to me, and I was angry that he was out with his friend and some girls. I said that a relationship is about communication , and by this point I could tell he was frustrated and angry as well he just said "well maybe I am not ready for one" then I asked him if he was breaking up with me and he said no

eventually I apologized for being irrational and bitchy.

But I don't know if I really was? I mean every girl wants to feel cared for and loved. If it were the reverse, if he asked me to say something nice/endearing towards him I would in a heart beat. I don't know what the big deal is , then again he's stubborn as a rock.

Was I being irrational?

Updates

+1 y

when he said "maybe I am not ready for one", I called him and he kept saying the same thing, I asked if he was mad and he said yeah because he didn't understand what he did wrong for me to be mad at him in the first place. he asked what I wanted to do and I said if you think I'm worth to talk it out with then we can talk it out and he just said you are worth to talk it out with. I feel like maybe we should break up? or I should change my ways if I am being irrational?

Updates

+1 y

Sorry it's a long one, I just really need some insight. Thanks guys/girls!

[JohnScofield]

I think you are both in a tough place... as you aren't together it is hard to relate to one another and what each of you are going through.

When he said "muffins" it seems he was being sweet and silly, not trying to blow you off. At the same time, I can understand why you are feeling a bit hurt and discarded. Women need to feel loved - that is just how they are made (imho). and you aren't feeling it.

At the same time, I don't think he is trying to be unloving, I think he is just caught up in his world, and not really thinking about your needs.

To me it seems like you two need to have a face to face and discuss whether this is what you want, and if it is, how you are going to make it work. LDRs are hard there is no doubt. There is a saying "out of sight, out of mind" and it is a saying for a reason...

I don't know if that is what is going on, but sometimes it does and you need to both figure out if that is the case, and what to do about it, if is.

I hope this helps a little...

[Asker]

I can FEEL he loves me and cares for me, but due to the distance I need to HEAR he cares about me too. That's the rock I am stuck inbetween. The last time I brought this up with him he said "I show you I care about you, and I do". Sometimes I don't feel important enough for him, whereas he is always important to me. He says that's not true, but some reassurance would help but he thinks that I ALWAYS need reassurance and doesn't understand why, he says I don't have anything to worry about

[JohnScofield]

Like I said, that two of you need to meet up and figure out how to make this work. Otherwise it is going to be a lot of frustration.

[antonlikesmlb]

Jesus Christ it's one night that he might've been tipsy and wasn't thinking straight. He didn't tell you something that was up to your niceness standards and you want to break up? Let it go.

[Missredd]

No, I don't think that you were being irrational at all. My boyfriend is stubborn as well and I'm almost positive that he would've reacted the same way. There was nothing for you to apologize for, he should have taken your feelings into consideration. All we want is for our men to act like they love us. Like you, I would say it in a heartbeat if I knew it would make his day. I would have taken that as being a smart ass when he said well maybe I'm not ready for one! WTH! What does that mean? My feelings would have been hurt. What I suggest is this, let things cool down a little bit and talk about it again. Don't break up with him over this, it can be fixed. Give it some time and again, talk it over. And noooooooooo, you were not being irrational at all! Don't feel that way. I would have felt a little left out. Communication is key, don't sweep this under the rug...

[Asker]

Thanks :) I felt so much better reading after reading this. Now after all is said and done, I feel like he can walk out on me anytime with the excuse of "I wasn't even ready to be in a relationship in the first place". It feels so unstable right now, whereas 2 weeks ago he said he would never hurt me or leave me. I just feel so confused and lonely. I haven't heard from him all day which makes things feel worse :( and I can't keep from crying. Its the worst feeling. :(

[lapis-shadow]

Is this one of your first real relationships?

[Asker]

Yes and no. I've been in 2 other relationships, once when I was in my late teens which ended mutually and we are still good friends. The other was a manipulative, jealous(on his part), verbally abusive one, which ended about 4 years ago and I was single since then until when I met my boyfriend about a year ago.