What does it mean when a guy says...

"We don't have to see each other to grow together. By respecting each others duties we are at a more mature place." during an argument about us not going forth with plans for the weekend to see each other. he lives two hours away, and says he can't come because his brother is ill, he has a tournament and a work party to attend. besides the outside factor...what does it mean when a guy says that?


Most Helpful Guy

  • perhaps is your age but have you stop to think what would happen when you are married and in love with your husband but his job requires him to travel, maybe for weeks or months, or perhaps he is a doctor and have to leave at call at night or do double turns at job, maybe he has an emergancy and misses an important dinner o your son's first word, what I try to say is, it really is a more mature kind of love when you both understand that life is complicated and it won't alwas be time or energy to love each other face to face AND with a wide smile but undertand that distance and trouble doesn't mean love is growing weak, lately a boy told my grildfrien "how often he goes out with you?" she answerd "2 or 3 times a week" and the boy trying to sound like a Prince Charming was like "ohhh poor girl, if that's now imagin the future, if you were my girl I'll take you out daily for long hours" which yes, sounds nice, in fact Fairy-Tale-nice, and it belongs to fairy tales only, as much as you love someone, as much as you fight, you CAN NOT be with them always, some times you can't be with them even often, maybe even you get to see each other rarely, that's how life is, but you can't measure love quantity, or you'll go crazy or depressed, you have to measure quality and when you realize "yes this love is a treasure" then in the long months your man is on the sea or the long hours at work or through the challenges life brings, then the knowledge of the quelity of the love will keep you strong and hopefull waiting for his return, at the same time he'll become undertandable and patitent with anything you do, that's what Growing Together means


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What Guys Said 2

  • If he doesn't see you, he's not going to love you less. That's what he means.

    He's got other relationships to take into account and the trip would wipe him out, probably, too. I used to have that drive to see my son and it was hard sometimes to make it, too. It hurt. But it didn't make me love him less.

    Thinking that you can get closer when you're not seeing one another isn't very logical to me, and I understand that. I worry about not seeing my son all the time, now that he's seven hours away. Driving fast.

    As men we feel the burden of being the strong one, though. Of telling you it's going to be okay even when we're afraid, too. Coming from that perspective we don't want to speak the words of fear and have them become a self fulfilling prophecy.

    So we say things like "we can keep getting closer, even if we don't see each other."

    Make those words come true. Play along. Use it as an opportunity to get to know one another other ways. Send emails. Send random web page links. Dig up a bunch of annoying relationship quizzes and force him to take them or not get laid again. Make a drawing of you two, scan it and send it.

    And make plans for the next time you can get together.

  • kinda sounds like he's trying to be romantic while saying he has other plans

    a guy is allowed to have other plans, and a life outside of seeing you every time


What Girls Said 1

  • It means he is too busy to see you