What does it mean if she is unreliable?

I mean unreliable in the sense that if we make plans she mostly doesn't follow through. This girl and I were very good friends in high school, however we lost contact throughout college. We sent a lot of "we should hang out" texts but it never happened. I hadn't spoken or texted her in a long time, but recently decided to see what she was up to. We sort of started to get into that "we should hang out" thing again, but I decided I was sick of it and said that we should get lunch the next day, and surprisingly she agreed. So we got together and got lunch and hung out and caught up for a while. However, throughout the next week I would try and ask her to hang out again, but she would always respond very late, as in anywhere from a few hours to the next day. She always had some excuse though, which I could understand. She finally said that she would be free the other night, but we didn't set anything up right then. So the night she said she was free comes and I send her a text to see when she wanted to get together, she responds about an hour later saying her car doesn't really work. Because she replied so late I made plans to have band practice. But I told her I could pick her up and she could come with me and hang out after. Again I don't get a response for a few hours, and she just sort of asks how band practice is going. Our like 5 text conversation lasts nearly all night because I am always waiting for her, but she finally said that she would be free this weekend.

So is this something I should be concerned about? Does she not want to hang out with me, but just doesn't have the heart to tell me? It seemed to work out better when I sort of took charge of the hangout plans, should I be more direct? Also, I had a really good time hanging out with her, and I think she had a good time also. I think I might have brought up some old feelings for her, but I'm not sure if it's even a good idea to try because she doesn't seem like a reliable person.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Confession: I'm a lot like this girl (from what you've wrote so far). I don't usually have my phone around all the time, and I usually get to texts that are a couple hours old, if not more. I say to friends that we should hang out, but I'm not proactive about it. Actually, I'm pretty introverted and reclusive, so instinctively, hanging out with people I'm not currently close to seems like a pain AT FIRST, but usually when I'm with them I have a lot more fun than I thought I would because of my mindset.

    We may or may not be the same, but I just wanted to get out there that how she's reacting to you just might be a part of how she is, and not something that's you specific at all.

    So that said, definitely be more proactive. A lot of people I see don't really take charge with plans, because they don't really have anything specific they want to do, so they don't care what they do, and there will be endless conversations about what to do because neither party is offering up specific options. If she's a busy person and you don't know her schedule. What I would do would be to text her that you'd really like to hang out with her sometime in the upcoming week/couple of weeks, and ask her if there's any particular day/time in her schedule that would be convenient for her, maybe if there was anything that she wanted to do. If she gives you something that sounds interesting, go with that, if she gives you a day/time that's okay with your schedule, offer something, if you think she might have car troubles, offer to be her ride. Be as efficient with your texts as possible, and try to take care of anything that might get in the way (like offering a ride) so there's no way that she can really turn you down unless she doesn't want to go. And be open if she doesn't want to hang out with you. If this continues even with you making up for her, then you might want to directly ask her if she doesn't like hanging out with you, that's fine too. (I don't think this is really the problem, though.) Best of luck!

    • She is a lot like you, and I am as well which is a the main reason we haven't hung out much. But like you said once we are together we seem to enjoy it. I am trying to be the more proactive one, my schedule is usually pretty open, I did offer her a ride the other day, I do try and text her back quickly. I think I should be more proactive though

    • Ay. I have a friend who's like me, we enjoy each others' company, but we go to different colleges and by the time we figure out something to do, our break is over just because we're so bad at getting back to each other. So if you both are the same, serious luck to you, but yes. Do try to be definitive with what you want to do, but open to her schedule. If you really want her to get back to you quickly, I'd go for calling instead of texting, honestly.