What does it mean if she is unreliable?

I mean unreliable in the sense that if we make plans she mostly doesn't follow through. This girl and I were very good friends in high school, however we lost contact throughout college. We sent a lot of "we should hang out" texts but it never happened. I hadn't spoken or texted her in a long time, but recently decided to see what she was up to. We sort of started to get into that "we should hang out" thing again, but I decided I was sick of it and said that we should get lunch the next day, and surprisingly she agreed. So we got together and got lunch and hung out and caught up for a while. However, throughout the next week I would try and ask her to hang out again, but she would always respond very late, as in anywhere from a few hours to the next day. She always had some excuse though, which I could understand. She finally said that she would be free the other night, but we didn't set anything up right then. So the night she said she was free comes and I send her a text to see when she wanted to get together, she responds about an hour later saying her car doesn't really work. Because she replied so late I made plans to have band practice. But I told her I could pick her up and she could come with me and hang out after. Again I don't get a response for a few hours, and she just sort of asks how band practice is going. Our like 5 text conversation lasts nearly all night because I am always waiting for her, but she finally said that she would be free this weekend.

So is this something I should be concerned about? Does she not want to hang out with me, but just doesn't have the heart to tell me? It seemed to work out better when I sort of took charge of the hangout plans, should I be more direct? Also, I had a really good time hanging out with her, and I think she had a good time also. I think I might have brought up some old feelings for her, but I'm not sure if it's even a good idea to try because she doesn't seem like a reliable person.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Confession: I'm a lot like this girl (from what you've wrote so far). I don't usually have my phone around all the time, and I usually get to texts that are a couple hours old, if not more. I say to friends that we should hang out, but I'm not proactive about it. Actually, I'm pretty introverted and reclusive, so instinctively, hanging out with people I'm not currently close to seems like a pain AT FIRST, but usually when I'm with them I have a lot more fun than I thought I would because of my mindset.

    We may or may not be the same, but I just wanted to get out there that how she's reacting to you just might be a part of how she is, and not something that's you specific at all.

    So that said, definitely be more proactive. A lot of people I see don't really take charge with plans, because they don't really have anything specific they want to do, so they don't care what they do, and there will be endless conversations about what to do because neither party is offering up specific options. If she's a busy person and you don't know her schedule. What I would do would be to text her that you'd really like to hang out with her sometime in the upcoming week/couple of weeks, and ask her if there's any particular day/time in her schedule that would be convenient for her, maybe if there was anything that she wanted to do. If she gives you something that sounds interesting, go with that, if she gives you a day/time that's okay with your schedule, offer something, if you think she might have car troubles, offer to be her ride. Be as efficient with your texts as possible, and try to take care of anything that might get in the way (like offering a ride) so there's no way that she can really turn you down unless she doesn't want to go. And be open if she doesn't want to hang out with you. If this continues even with you making up for her, then you might want to directly ask her if she doesn't like hanging out with you, that's fine too. (I don't think this is really the problem, though.) Best of luck!

    • She is a lot like you, and I am as well which is a the main reason we haven't hung out much. But like you said once we are together we seem to enjoy it. I am trying to be the more proactive one, my schedule is usually pretty open, I did offer her a ride the other day, I do try and text her back quickly. I think I should be more proactive though

    • Ay. I have a friend who's like me, we enjoy each others' company, but we go to different colleges and by the time we figure out something to do, our break is over just because we're so bad at getting back to each other. So if you both are the same, serious luck to you, but yes. Do try to be definitive with what you want to do, but open to her schedule. If you really want her to get back to you quickly, I'd go for calling instead of texting, honestly.

What Girls Said 7

  • It usually means that she is not interested in hanging out with you. If she has you as her lowest possible priority, "bailable" company, then you are clearly not considered worth her time and attention. Leave her to stew in her own S*** and move on to the sort of people who deserve you company and attention.

  • She Is not Into you. or hanging out with you. Period. I'm sure your a nice guy. however to her you do not mean much. And her flaking. DISRESPECT. my advice to you. Ignore her. She won't give you the time of day, then do not give her the time of day, Plus high school...well is high school and people change. In some cases people fall apart. Move on. In reality that is the best option. Reality sucks. BIG TIME. upside, I'm sure there is someone who would love your time and devotion. until that. FORGET about it. hope this helps and stay strong buddy.

  • She is not planning on being serious with you. Unless she has a super-demanding life like two jobs and three kids, she would make time and effort to see you. If I like a guy, I make myself available. Another theory is that she is not totally single, balancing her time between two or more guys.

  • When do you try to make plans with her? Is it the day of or is it before then?

    When I get up in the morning my day is planned out. I have a lot of work, school work and other junk so I have to do that.

    90% of the time if you ask me to do something later that day, I will say no because I already have a plan for then even if you asked me a few days earlier and I said I was free.

    When she told you she would be free that night, she may have wanted to make a plan right then, but then when you asked her the day arrived she didn't want to go out then when you asked because she already had a plan for that day.

    Plan things with girls in advance if you want to hang out with them.

    When guys/people ask me todo something with only a little bit of notice it sometimes seems like they are just desperate to hang out with someone and everyone before they asked me said no...

    I'm super busy though... it might be just me.

    • I would assume if she said, she was free that evening, then she would not plan something for that evening. In the past I've tried making plans ahead of time and it always ends up being, she's free on this day and so am I and then nothing. I think you are right thought that if she says she is free one day then I need to make a plan right then.

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    • I'm not asking her to keep the entire day open. She'll say she's off work at 3 on Friday, and I'll say OK great lets get together on Friday. But when I ask her on Friday if she is still wanting to hang out, she either will respond very late, or say she is busy.

    • OH! So you've agreed to hang out that day and she ditches? Game changer. Deal breaker! Look for someone you can count on! People are on their best behavior at the beginning. The only thing that changes it is if she originally says no and you put up a fuss until she says yes. Whenever that happens I usually change my mind as I only said yes due to pressure.

      If that is not the case, find someone better :)

  • maybe she doesn't want it to be a frequent thing... she wants to keep a distance so its clear you two are just friends... there could be many reasons for this, either she's not interested or doesn't have time for anything serious. I think she just enjoys talking over the phone... maybe she's just shy... Try not to push her to hang out wait til she asks you.

  • I'm going through a similar thing with a friend of mine and it can be really hard to tell. I can't tell if he just says we should hang out to be nice or if he actually means it. At least for me I'm not stressing about it too much so I wouldn't worry if I were you. If you really want to hang out with her, try asking her in a more concrete way- like "do you want to do "so and so" at "x day" and "y time" if that makes sense. maybe she's forgetful or something and if you ask her in a way that makes the plans concrete you might get a better response

    • that sounds like a good idea thanks. That's pretty much what I did the time we hung out the other week.

What Guys Said 2

  • I'm going to try and make this clear for you. SHE IS NOT INTERESTED, RUN AWAY (not walk) AND DON'T LOOK BACK. I learned this the hard way, trust me on this.

    • except she would also call me and tell me when she wanted to hang out, and she still wasn't interested. If a girl flakes SHE CANNOT BE TRUSTED.

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    • I do see your point, and I believe that also. If someone really wants to hang out, they'll make it happen. But she has been a friend for a long time and I know she is like this, so it's not like it's something new or recent.

    • Again, you're describing a very similar situation that I've already been through. We were best friends at one point and she still pulled sh*t like that. I stand by what I said earlier, you should forget about her as anything more than a friend, the chances of it happening are slim to none. Good luck brother!

  • She might be toying with you bud. Friend or not, women get bored and just start playing games with. And when women get bored, they stop caring about you and you become their guiena pig. Don't let yourself become that. Women who flake on you repeatedly can't be trusted.