Why would he be so confident then bail?

I am so super confused right now! I had this guy whom I met at work, leave me his number...we had chatted for about 10 minutes, and he suggested we hang out. We've been texting pretty much nonstop for the past month and a half, and he is constantly hinting at the fact that we're hitting it off so well we might as well date.He honestly seems like a sincere guy, and he's super sweet...as far as I know (and except for the bailing business)... Well, it's just so weird, I don't understand why he would bail on me, not once, not twice but for a third time! It's like he terrified to actually hang out with me for more than ten minutes. I don't get it...help?!


Most Helpful Guy

  • I agree with Chloestang. I've been this guy before. Usually its because we are not sure if you want to hang out with us or not. Instead of waiting for him to give you the details, if you know he wants to hang out with you ask him directly for it. I'm sure if you drag him out of work to get coffee or something he won't say no. That can start everything. Then you two can figure out if you actually like each other for real and can start hanging out more if so and then it might evolve into whatever you want it to be. Nothing wrong with a girl acting this way, the truth is that many guys are terrified of rejection and would rather stay on the safe side of never really asking you out because it might ruin the friendship or something. I don't know because I'm not him.

    Now, If I was in his shoes and I liked you, I would try to get to know you better when we are around each other and decide if I even want to get to know you on a deeper level (like dating). If so I would try to find something simple and fun to do together to start just talking. Like grabbing lunch after class or going to get something to drink or w/e. I don't really like asking girls out to elaborate things because it makes me feel awkward, so I know damn well it makes her feel even more awkward.

    My advice to you, sincerely, is to just try asking him out yourself. You'll find out right away if he's into you or not. And if you even like the real him. Nothing to fear about it. Just don't do anything that will make yourself uncomfortable and I don't think he will feel uncomfortable either. I know this sounds like guy advice, but who gives a sh*t if a girl asks you out? I would be smiling my ass off if a hot girl walked up to me and asked me out! That's like my ultimate wet dream.

    Anyway, I'm not trying to sound creepy. I just want you to see it from a guys perspective.


What Guys Said 12

  • its the maturity issue, over the phone he has no worries, he can pretend to be this real confident guy, and say all the right things, but in person, he's this crumbling weakling who don't know what to do or say, so after 10 minutes he's gotta go or he's probably going to wet himself, leave the boys to grow up some more, and let them know, your only into men, x

  • Just playing devil's advocate, but have you considered the fact that he may be in a relationship? He could've been fishing for a hook up and then noticed that you were looking into dating and not just hooking up. I know a few guys that do that from time to time. But I'm just looking at the other side of the coin so to speak.

    • I toyed with this idea myself, I'm an over analyzer when things don't go as planned, I always need to figure things out...and He had made it very clear to me in the beginning that he had no girlfriend/wife (lol) and that he had a real interest in getting to know me.

  • small penis

  • I ask the same thing about women. Women do this wayy more often than men, then that confuses the hell out of us. But for a guy to do so is tricky to say. I used to be pretty shy and still can be till I get to know someone. But, not to the point of bailing on someone. Maybe you all have spent more time texting and a lot less face to face time? If so, you all need to catch up on that. Texting, although you can learn a lot about each other through that, is not a 100% substitute for face to face time? So you all could "know" all about each other, but you don't "know" each other so much. Also, examine your actions. Have you done anything that may have come off as rejection or disinterest? If you did, clarify that. Just make him comfortable to hang out with you. Some people, even some guys, are super sensitive to even the faintest signs of rejection or disinterest or trouble. Girls tend to ignore men or just always say they're busy when they have a guy in their life that they're not interested in (but the guy doesn't know that) Since women do that a lot, most men will become suspicious that "something is up" when the girl doesn't answer a text or phone call or otherwise ignores a guy or says she's busy. Many times these situations are legit but many times just an excuse to not talk to the guy. Us men don't always know which one it is and its taken the wrong way. Some men will be confrontational about it, some, especially men who are shy, will just back off and assume your not interested and move on. Have you tried asking him why he has flaked on you?

    • Yes, we have spent more time texting than face to face, it sounds super lame, but he's really shy...hence why he left his number for me at work with a coworker rather than giving it directly to me. I haven't done anything that would make him think I wasn't interested, I'm a very straight forward girl and I let him know I was for sure looking forward to our date. I finally heard from him today, and he apologized and told me he was scared...what he was scared of though, I have no clue.

  • I used to be this guy, go from confident to unsure if I offend a girl or not, because bad luck usually comes up when I want things.

    Just try to understand him more, maybe you'll see a side of him, you never new existed.

  • There are a lot of good opinions here. There is also a chance that he may already be with someone and is trying to have you as a backup or someone to cheat with if he gets the courage to.

  • There are guys use pickup on practicing themself. But when comes to real hang out, it can get scary because there are more to worry about, and confidence actually can be gain before asking numbers...several methods to do it. When real came to face-to-face, always harder. He is trying to become better I think... Also, I find when hang out with girls who don't have that much confidence actually make me lack of confidence too. For some people its the other way around. Hope you find its helpful

  • He's probably intimidated by you, make a move

  • Did you try locking him down? Take the lead ? set a date but not officially, like a group activity with other workers or friends, an get the alone time by isolating him from the group, the more off work time you two spend the more comfy he will be.

    Now if it is only the immaturity problem, you need to think about whether or not you are actually that attracted to him.

    There are other possible cases: he could have a girlfriend and have remorse at the last second, harmless flirting is easy, cheating is harder, he could have self confidence issues related to the bedroom, it could be many things, or he is still acting like a kid in his head, and wants to prove to himself that you fancy him and that's enough for him..

  • I think you need a real man

  • Hey, I notice your username is "country" yada yada. I'm from the suburb and I've noticed that it's now "cool" to be "country". Am I undatable because I'm from the suburb? I would have asked you this through messages but we're not friends yet, and there's no saying if you'd accept me or not, so thought I'd ask it here.

    • I'm not one of the "cool country" folk, I'm just a born and raised backwoods kind of girl. And No, I wouldn't say you're undatable because you're from the suburb, to me what makes a person datable or not datable totally depends on personality. If we click and you can't bait your own hook, well then I guess I get a shot to show off. lol :)

    • Show All
    • Your just misled by people saying stuff like: "he's just a typical suburbian guy", or "I hate people from the city". That's just bullsh*t, everyone is different, and maybe the part of where you live has something to do with that, but that doesn't define who you are. Just be yourself.

    • Thanks man

      Also, QA, I realize I haven't answered your question. I apologize. I think he's just scared. I was trying to get to know a girl just like you're trying to get to know this guy but it just wasn't happening simply because she kept cancelling or whatever. I asked her why and she said, she's scared and nervous because she likes me and doesn't want to mess it up. She's actually messing it up more by not hanging out with me.

What Girls Said 1

  • I'm on the same page as you girl! I had a guy give me his number, would text me occasionally, then stopped texting me. And when I would text him, he wouldn't reply. When he comes in to work though, he talks to me like non-stop. Oh ya and he would ask me to hang out multiple times but we would never end up hanging out, because he would never text me and give me details. All I can say is that there are guys who are like this, but I've come to the conclusion that guys who are like this, are immature and not sure what they want! Hang in there, because you are not alone

    • Isn't it just the most confusing thing ever? Ridiculous. However, this guy would text me around the clock, so I know he wasn't hiding anything... Maybe your fella has a lady already? Hence why he doesn't text back and such? Just an idea...and it sucks. As far as I know, my guy is just scared (thats what he told me...)and I'm not sure if he's scared because I'm kind of a lot of personality and he's super shy or what the heck. Anyways, eventually we'll find confident non bailing men right?!