Do you feel you deserve more than you are worth?

Like when you are looking for a partner do you wish/ hope for a great catch or do you feel that you deserve high quality partners only. Many people are single because they refuse to date people of similar level and are holding out for something better? what do you'll think?

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Updates:
Also do you use the same criteria to evaluate yourself for others or are you more lenient/stricter to yourself or potential partners
"Quality" can be any trait(s) or characteristic(s) that you find attractive in a potential partner. It also goes without saying, but Why do you feel you deserve more than you are worth?


Thanks for the answers so far :)
 

What's Your Opinion?

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Most Helpful Opinion

  • Guys seem to think so! They whine that they're single but they're only going for girls who are WAY out of their league. I don't mean people are better than others, it's that they're going after girls who put a lot of effort in to things where as they do not AT ALL!

    In order for a relationship to work you need to be equals.

    Me for example: I'm working towards a PhD in Chem&Biochem, I am the most ambitious person you will meet, I take pride in my appearance and put effort in to it, I don't smoke/do drugs, don't party.

    I want a guy who does the same. Why should I better myself when my partner will be a reflection of me?

    All these guys with no jobs, don't go to school, have no ambition or desire to do anything other than get free welfare/disability, don't put effort in to their appearance, smoke, drink, party, excessively swear among other things keep asking me out and calling me a bitch because I say no.

    YOU NEED TO DATE YOUR EQUAL!

    • This if often true for women seeking man, but not men seeking women. Women are able to get away with being less ambitious and less educated as long she's fun to be around or attractive.

What Girls Said 35

  • Deserve isn't really the word. I just want what I want really. I don't expect anyone to give me more than what I can give them but if they can give more in some aspects then I'll make up for it in others (we'll balance each other out since that is the most I feel I can ask for).

    I am a combination of unusual criteria. I accept that people in this day and age have a completely different outlook on life in addition to ideas of what is moral/immoral. I'll judge a person on society's standards (which I feel are much lower than the standards I have for myself). If they are generally a person who cares, has good intentions and they enable me to keep the standards/rules I have for myself then they are datable. If not, no chance.

    In your terms, I'm very strict on myself but much more lenient in the way I evaluate others. I believe if I tried to impose all the standards I hold for myself on the type of guy I'd want for a partner, he'd never show up or he'd be with someone else. So I go for balance.

  • definetly

  • I would prefer someone equal to myself, I like to feel like I am on the same page and an equal to others not less than them and I don't think myself as better than others (expect those are really nasty to others, for sure I'm better than that). I do use this in friendship and dating although dating isn't going well for me right now, I am always getting guys who want to settle and have a serious relationship but I do not want anything that serious right now, if I was to be with someone id want him to be on the same page as me and to have things in common with me, many guys pretend they don't want nothing serious too even when I tell them I don't want it and they end up scaring me off, I'm just not in any shape to be all super into it like that, having a boyfriend would be great but I don't want to be super super committed like that, I just want a boyfriend who can create fun memories with me but not be pushy for seriousness but I feel like now that I am getting to 23 in 5 months it's hard but finding friends who will even stay around is also as I'm quite more mature than people near my age but not quite ready for serious stuff, so I guess it's pretty confusing, as long as things are equal I think everything will be good.

  • I think self realization is key before trying to find a partner. If everyone has a warped perception of who/what they have to offer, they will look for people who are not a good match/out of their league. The opposite can happen, for example as a teen, I was shy and introverted so I dated anyone who would ask me out. I had to get older and see my self-worth to realize I deserved better, and now know what I need in a mate.

  • i know I'm a good woman and a great catch so I deserve equal if not better. I have my prince charming so I'm not worried about it.

    i think I am a normal who don't play female games like going through a guys phone or asking him 50 questions about wheres he's been. If I had to do all of that I wouldn't be with the guy.

    ima stop myself, becasue no matter how highly I think of myself that dosnt mean anyhting if the person I'm with disagrees. and if he do disagree then that's why you break up and find som1 who can c your worth.

    my ex boyfriend and I were like oil and water. we didn't match up. my boyfriend of 7 years, he and I balance each other completly.

    i think its safe to compare it to beauty is in the eye of the beholder

  • I honestly believe I deserve a lot less than I'm told I do. I go for legit losers, not good looking, not smart, they have nothing going for them, because that's just what I beleive I deserve, where as my friends and family tell me I'm an idiot and could get anyone out there that I want... I hope this kinda helps :P

  • Of course everyone is going to say "im great" "im special" "any guy or girl would be lucky to have me"

  • I don't expect perfection, but I do expect a quality guy, that is attractive to me, employed, and good inner qualities. But I don't have some crazy list that he needs to fulfill. That would be unrealistic.

  • I'm a good woman, I want a good man.

    Someone who wants to be with me, someone I can have some fun with, a few laughs. Someone I can have good sex with. I want someone who appreciates me and everything I can bring to the table. I'm pretty easy going, and I'm looking for someone who doesn't get too up tight about everything. He doesn't have to be rich, brilliant, well endowed, or beautiful. He just has to love me. And yes I think I'm worth that much, and if he doesn't...Well he's not the man for me then.

    • Thank you :)

    • Well said

  • no I have pretty low standards... but that is just according to society.. I want some one who can love me and has time to love me and is emotionally available... not many people are like that... and if they are it is only that way until they get sex. I think I will just be single for life.

  • I ask for time, loyalty and commitment in a relationship but even that seems too much these days :-( Seems unfair when there are people out their that use, cheat and take their partners for granted.

  • I wonder sometimes if I expect more than what I have because I tend to go for people that are opposite in personality from me, which in general seems to be more 'desired' traits than what I have

    Me: introverted, fairly quiet, a little OCD, pretty much invisible on the social radar

    My interests: extrovert, spontaneous, very social/well-liked by most

    People with similar personalities to my own are boring to me. I like adventure, trying new things, and being surprised but I'm just not overly expressive about it. I feel like I posess a lot of good, desireable, relationship qualities and a not completely horrible appearance but I'm not sure if my overal persona means I deserve less than what I'm attracted to.

    I do get a long very well with type A personalities, but all of the ones I ever wanted to date have friend zoned me which makes me question my worth in the dating world.

  • No one 'deserves' anything.

    • owned

    • OH, SNAP!

    • If you deserve life, just by being 'Mericano, why do Americans die?

      If you deserve liberty, just by being 'Mericano, why are so many Americans not free?

      If you deserve the pursuit of happiness, just by being 'Mericano, why does the American way of life leave so many people depressed?

    • Show Older
  • That is interesting. I guess it depends on the girl criteria. My cousin writes relationship books and so I am influenced by his research. My goal is to have a long term boyfriend that wants to be with me, not that he needs to be with me. I think we all have different experience and we draw from that (what we liked and what we didn't liked).

    Being girls, I think most of us get many dates requests. At least weekly, if not daily. Especially if the girl owns a business or is a networking person. Also, some guys know when they see a good catch and wants the girl too. I know because I am very dedicated to my business that it takes a special guy who isn't needy and can handle being away from me for a long period and that is what I look for.

    From experience, I dated guys who were too needy or had qualities that I didn't like and I learned that YOU CAN'T FORCE THINGS. Why, well, that is because there are always red flags. Some people are so "in love" hormone wise that they don't pay attention and then ended up divorce. I only learned that from a divorce lawyers who said that most people/guys who come to her said that they knew they shouldn't marry the girl but did it anyway.

    Lol, so I think divorce are expensive and I think time is valuable so I would like to find a diamond in the pile of requests. It takes time and discipline to resist all the dating offers. Especially when you know they are not your type and you are just leading them on by going out with them (giving them false hope). It causes me to feel bad and I learned that it is better to honest with myself and focus on what I know will produce results (my business). When you are educated, smart, talented, and healthy, you will be a good catch. If you ended focusing a relationship, and then 10 years later, you feel like you wasted time (cousin research on 30s - 40s year old ladies).

    So that is my opinion but I think I would like someone who has some common interests and aspirations. I have a short 10 qualities list of good and bad. If for any reason, a guy falls into the bad (smoke, heavy drinker, cheater, etc), then I would move on because I know that a guy can have all the good qualities but it is the bad qualities that is the deal breaker.

    I hope that makes sense. This is only my opinion. Thank you.

  • I don't know what I deserve.

  • Do you feel you deserve more than you are worth?

    I don't do 'deserve' as I don't think that concept applies to anything except the treatment of children/animals. I want what I want.

    Many people are single because they refuse to date people of similar level and are holding out for something better? what do you'll think?

    I think it understandable as likely most people would be unhappy and in an unhealthy relationship if they settled for what they didn't what.

  • I'm not looking for a perfect guy, just someone who's perfect for me...

    • I honestly wouldn't care if he looked like Quasimoto

    • which in female rules means good looking guy

  • I find that they should be around my level. For some reason I tend to attract guys who are rich, handsome, and intelligent. I've turned them down though because our personalities don't match. I think they're into me because most girls throw themselves at these guys and I turn them down.

    • I don't look at it like deserving though...No one "deserves" someone else. They can work for it though. I liked this guy who I guess I thought was better than me and I worked really hard to be a girl who he'd find amazing. Now he thinks I better than him LOL.

  • I don't deserve anyone who is on a higher level of me.

  • I think I have a lot of issues/a past and am far far far from perfect, so imagining a perfect man is impossible for me, because to me, I am too far out there or f***ed up to deserve them really, or for them to even be into me/understand me.

    My ideal mate has probably been through some sh*t too, and can understand me and relate to me.

  • Obviously people are going to say no but a lot of people do. I know guys who are really ugly who expect to date girls who look like super models. Of course, I know girls who are like this too.

    I try to date on my level. I wouldn't refuse someone who is out of my league but I don't exclusively look for people who are way above what I can get. I'm pretty sure I'm slightly above average looking (though other people usually think I'm pretty so I guess I'm just used to my face) and I look for guys who around the same level.

    • Oh, and as far as work and education goes, I'm not too strict. I work part time minimum wage and I'm in community college so I don't have a lot of room to be stuck up about it. I don't care if he has a job or a car but he MUST be in college. I won't date a guy who isn't in school.

  • I don't agree on "levels" and "quality" of people. I think what some might considering to be an amazing trait might not appeal to other people. Like I'm really big on education and intellectual curiosity so I'd be be more attracted to a penny less, average looking college student than a wealthy, good looking high school drop out. It's all perception and I think you should never give up one what you want in favor of contemplating what you are worth.

  • I don't judge people based on "high quality" or what I "deserve." I go for people I connect with. Some say I've dated out of my league, and some say those guys didn't "deserve" me - but I hate that. That's bullsh*t. I want to be with them, and they want to be with me. Whether anyone "deserves" it is nonsense. All that matters is that you want to be together and you connect.

  • Nope. I am ugly, so therefore I don't even look at hot guys. They intimidate me anyway, but even if they didn't I wouldn't try because I know they won't date me. I go for guys that girls consider average, and they reject me. So if the guys that most girls overlook reject me, then I must be nothing but a hideous person and will never get with anyone.

    Four years ago, I fell hard for this guy that is a good friend of mine. We hung out quite a bit and the more I hung out with him, the more I wanted him. He very funny, smart and a gentleman. But he very rarely gets dates (he's still a virgin and he's 26, but that makes no difference to me. I don't have much experience so it would be nice to have someone who won't judge me) because he is short and chubby and he has bad acne, but none of that mattered to me. I've never met anyone I've connected so well with. Neither one of us want kids, we both have the same interests which is why we hang out a lot. So I finally got the nerve to ask him out, and he rejected me. He said "You're a good friend, but I don't find you attractive at all, sorry ,in fact not many guys do because you're kind of ugly." Which was a major blow to the self-esteem, especially since I was only 22. Usually if a guy rejects me they just say no. They don't tell me to my face that I am ugly. He's the first. I stopped asking guys out for about a year after that and even now it terrifies me. Back then I knew I wasn't beautiful, I could see it in the mirror but it was still harsh to have my best friend call me ugly. I guess best friends do tell the truth though, lol.

    And he was busy trying to get my other best friend who is gorgeous but she has never wanted him, because she likes tall guys with dark hair and he is short with blond hair.

    We still hang out quite a bit and sometimes I still kind of wish something would happen, but I've accepted it and I am currently pursuing a guy I work with, but I doubt anything will work out between my co-worker and I either. The co-worker and I connect really well though, but I'm thinking it won't happen. He doesn't want kids either, and plus he loves hiking, which is my favorite thing in the world to do. We plan to start hiking together once the weather gets warmer and we are buying season passes together for the local trails. Whenever you buy a season pass, they give you two so we figured it'd be cheaper for us to just split.

    It's false hope, but I'm hoping the hikes will bring us closer.

    And my guy friend who rejected me also knows a guy he wants to set me up with, so I'll see what happens with that too.

    • I've been dealing with it since I was about 13 and I asked a boy to the grade 8 dance and he said no. I get rejected probably just as much, so it's not really a new thing for me, lol. You're preaching to the choir. I think that's why they say an ugly woman is the same as a man.

    • Yeah, getting rejected does suck and it's nice when people let you down gently. Welcome to the world guys have had to deal with forever, but women want equality. :)

  • There's a quote that says "we except the the love we think we deserve.. "

    • Perks of being a wallflower ftw :D

    • I heard that in a movie lol

    • Yeah we should never lower our standards, but we should also be rational with our standards too

  • I do tend to want men who are better socially, so I suppose in that way I am unrealistic.

    However, being a fairly athletic female, I do get way more attention from fat men than I deserve.

    Since I only have a Bachelor's degree, I do not expect a man with a master's, JD, MD or the like to consider me serious dating material.

    • @ragazza91: *all that and /several/ bags of chips

    • LOL. Best comment ever!

    • I know right? My friend and I were having a conversation about what makes fat men more confident and more forward than slimmer guys. We thought it was the food or something that is making them think they are all that and a bag of chips. Lol but no seriously. I'm not athletic but I'm not fat either. But this one fat guy was trying to get my attention. He claimed he was not trying to follow me. maybe they need to stop eating and watching hip jop videos with rick ross lol.

  • i think I look for what I reasonably deserve.

    i am in law school so I don't think it is unreasonable that I prefer someone who has a high level of education as well.

    i am not too picky about looks. my friends always tell me I date guys who are less attractive than I am.

  • I try and tell myself I deserve the best, but I know deep down that's not how I feel. I'm going to end up with someone who is angry and violent.

    • i hope you don't

  • Pretty much , No I'm kidding . I think I'm the best , So I want to date the best .

  • I feel like I deserve someone who loves me and that's not something I'm going to compromise on

  • I try to keep my high expectations but I tend to like successful men that dresses nice and keeps good conversation and will treat me like lady but sadly most guys I go out with are always trying to have sex with me by the second date and when I refuse they are gone. I have a lot of aim and ambitions, I worked for everything I have and has made a lot of sacrifices so I deserve a well oriented man. Yet, he is somewhere out there. I have been looking for love can't find it, but I deserve to be happy

  • I deserve an equal counterpart

    I've noticed guys(and even girls) on here tend to think they deserve better than they're worth. They're butt ass ugly, have no personality, no job, no higher level of education, 'nice guy' attitude, yet they think they deserve a VS model because they're 'nice.'

    That's not how it works. britannny mentioned it but people deserve what they put out. Expecting a 10 in personality and appearance when you're a 5 will get you no where.

    • Agreed

  • I'm single because I cannot find anyone I feel some special connection with.

    So yes I refuse to date lots of guys, but not because I judge them inferior.

    Still, I feel like all the guys that what to date me feel like they deserve more than they are worth.

    I'm no where near perfect, but when you don't know me, I can seem quite close to a great catch.

    So I'd say most of the guys I met acted like that. Trying so hard to date me cause I was "the perfect gf", instead of trying to get to know me, and then decide how we would be a good match.

    It's kinda sad that people hope for a great catch instead of looking for someone who is the perfect fit for them, just makes them shallow in my opinion.

  • Sometimes I think my expectations are too high... However, all this "worth-deserve" stuff fades away when you just meet someone you like and feel comfortable with.

  • I'm worth what I put out. I'm a fantastic girlfriend. I deserve an equally fantastic boyfriend.

What Guys Said 17

  • Sometimes I think I do, my crushes never seem to like me

  • Well in reality what are you worth? Its not like the old days where you follow in your fayhers footsteps, and learnto do the work that he dis and make am living and marry a woman because she can cook clean and raise children. In this day and age you have to make tourself something before you can even look for a partner. Besides that you have to have condidence and know a lot of people or go out a lot and meet people. I have never been on a date at 26 years old, is it because I am a loser? Maybe I am because I am not a good communicator and I don't make friends easily. Do I deserve a girl no, but I deserve a chance? girls don't give chances to shy, socially anxious guys. So I do many things by myself now because I have no hope in getting a girl and I do not havemany friends. I am a good guy, I am a lifeguard, swimming instructor, supervisor, I play 2 instruments (though I do not know how to read music yet), I am good with kids, but girls never see that side of me, because of my nerves and social anxiety. And I still live with my parents and I am going back to school again, so, no girls for me. And I don't know if I care anymore

  • I feel like I am a good catch. I have a decent job, in school, drive a nice car, have goals, and pay my bills (and still manage to contribute to my savings account). I wouldn't want someone who has no goals or is stuck in a dead end rut.

  • I'd be happy with someone who is at least on my level... and that's not saying much lol

  • Yes I have high standards

    I have a lot to offer so I refuse to settle. The thing is I've worked hard to improve every aspect of myself. I've worked hard to get my job, the car I own, the way I look. I was definitely never a made man I've worked and sweated my ass off! Equally by all this hard work I've put myself in the bracket where I can attract the upper echelons of female (Not that it doesn't require work to do so but I can).

    I have no intention for settling for someone lower than me. And I mean that as in, what I want in and from a woman. It's nothing to do with being egotistical, it's by knowing your value by what's around you, assessing current market value etc etc

  • 1. I term that an adolescent thought :) (no patronization of insult intended to anyone who thinks that way - this is my philosophy)

    2. I don't quantify humans especially my potential partner on 'quality' / 'standards' term in body shape or looks or color

    3. Yes I do look for compatibility and the best way is that

    4. But I don't look for perfection, nor am I - if things were perfect then we probably would exist mundanely

    5. In a woman the one thing that I expect is being feminine / ladylike (the general meaning - pls don't spark a debate anyone by asking to describe it lol) - limit your expectations to the basics else even after finding the 'perfect partner' at a later date you'll start calling them a douche/slut etc. Killer is the expectation. The moment we start asking ourselves the question you've asked the problem begins :D

    6. Deserving whatever, what matters is who succeeds and this philosophy is for materialisitc things / situations that we must do to survive - does not apply to the potential partner

    7. I never have gone hunting for one, I take it as it comes (and it comes in droves)

  • Hello .

    I said no , because I think that what we deserve and what we are worthy of its not a certain thing that we all can name , what we think we deserve may differ from what other people think that we deserve and in the end we may just get the least amount of what we thought that we deserved , but even so we may find ourselves feeling better with what we thought that was less than what we deserved so its just an other illusion that we make to justify some parts of our self's and some of our decisions .

    I wrote it in general , because I think that this is not a relationship thing only .

    About "criteria" and "Quality" I don't really have any , I just try to be open minded and not put every person though some test to evaluate them and I always remind myself that people have a lot in them and just some trails can't tell much , so I let them show me if they are going to be one of the people that I want to keep close or if they are not .

  • I refuse to date a girl lower than me..

  • This implies that usually people aren't 'worth' much! Rather a pessimistic view of reality, and who are we to say what anyone is 'worth?'

    I doubt many people try to calcualte what they or anyone else is 'worth' when they are attracted to someone!

    but a lot of people evaluate others on some scale that they think tells them what that other person is 'worth.' Often these people are single, often for the long term!

  • I'm not a liberal, so no...

  • im ugly and lonely . I wish a girl would like me

  • I've learned that I'm happiest with someone who is compatible with me. My ex was good looking, but we were complete opposites and it was horrible.

    She doesn't need to be the hottest girl for me, just cute is fine. Of course she has to meet my qualifications.

  • I think it is a bit of an oxymoron. It literally only reads right if we say that people deserve what they are worth, anything else just doesn't make sense in English but I think I know where you are headed.

    I just look for someone who is a good match for me (someone who I get along with and am attracted to, who is a good person). I could care less what they (or I) am worth.

  • Right now, I'm not sure what I want exactly. My luck sucks.

  • Quality in terms of what? Looks? Intelligence? Personality? I think we all seek this. We all want to date someone we feel is high quality. If someone is rejecting a person who is of reasonably quality only to wait for someone of higher quality, then they run the risk of not finding someone or eventually settling for someone of lesser quality.

    At the same, to accept someone just for the sake of being in a relationship is worse than being alone.

    And couldn't the opposite be true? Let's assume that looks, intelligence, and personality define high quality. Let's assume a person has an abundance of each of these. If that person waits for equal, that person, too, could end up being alone.

    It's unlikely that even 1% of us will find the perfect person. That person may not even exist. If we do find a person who we look forward to seeing each day, then we should seize that opportunity regardless of where other people feel they fall onto the scale.

  • On paper I've got pretty much all the major things women say they want along with a lot of other things the love when they discover... So do I deserve someone that has everything on paper that I want? I've never met a women that even comes close... I'm just looking for someone that I find attractive that makes me happy. That's not all that easy to find for me for whatever reason...

    • Dang that really sucks! I guess there was no way out of it. Well good luck if you ever see her again!

    • Anyway, I think she's still in school and I know she live in my city, I just haven't seen her around.

    • which was like 30% of my grade... So yeah I finished my work. =P

    • Show Older
  • Neither "yes" or "no". I feel like I am at the top and I deserve the best, haha. And that's not being cocky. I'm not saying I'm the most attractive guy out there, and I'm not saying "the best" is the hottest Victoria's Secret models out there. The best is really just the people I get along with best, and that's who I deserve. I'm a pretty awesome guy I think, so I don't see why I shouldn't be able to get an awesome girl :P

    • I'd say I'm stricter to others. I already basically know everything about myself, and save for a few parts of me, I do like myself. With others, I often find myself seeing certain parts of them I don't really like that much. That doesn't mean I judge them as worse people than me, but it does affect a bit how I view them. I do look at the whole picture though, so if a girl is annoying sometimes, I do try to look at how she is most of the time.

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