Yeah I had trouble, and I'll get into that. As I will also get into why, and why I don't, anymore. As for why some people have trouble with this, I'll start with that. I'll start by talking about my grandfather.
My grandfather had his reasons. He was a tough old Brit from London, and he was a naval man. His views were that showing such emotion was inappropriate, and a sign of weakness. That's why in the three cases I've seen him soft, I asked if he was dying. But yeah with him I think it was culture ("Stiff upper lip" and all that.), upbringing, gender and perhaps even some of his naval history. I think some of that passed down to his family, but less so to their families. (With exception to perhaps my uncle and cousin.)
Anyway for a lot of people, especially guys, a show of affection can leave you vulnerable. It shows you like something, and that affection can be wounded, it can be crushed, it can be taken away. It's a vulnerability. As can a lot of emotions. Emotions, in general, show who you are, where you stand, and that can say a lot about you. I mentioned earlier the whole British "stiff upper lip" thing. The mentality behind it was that a show of emotion showed weakness. It's part of why so many people think the middle or upper class of English were considered stoic, unemotional or even cold. Keep a stiff upper lip and don't let expression show on your face.
As to your last question about whether a person can fix or change this and learn to show affection. Yeah, I think in some cases it can change. I myself was pretty cold, dark and serious for two thirds of my life. Mainly because I had a hard life, filled with emotional and physical abuse, amongst other things. Plus there's all the people who tried to program me with how I should be. So I was indeed pretty unemotional for a very long time, until the right people came into my life and gave me hope, or worked to break those habits, break those defenses and get me to open up.
Yeah I think for some people it can be fixed. Just don't get it into your head that you can fix everyone, and don't for a second start thinking it will be easy. It took me years.
The end result is yes, but when I show affection it is 100% intense. Many of us extreme left-brain people find it difficult to slow down (mentally that is) and enjoy what is right in front of us. We tend to get a large amount of our happiness from thought and/or contemplation. The problem with that is we logically express our affections and often put a tremendous amount of thought into it, but from the other person's perspective their was little to no emotion in the act so it doesn't feel real. With that said most are not self aware enough to notice what they are doing and having someone tell them often just leads to an emotional argument that they can't relate to. I know that we can change, but it takes a strong desire and often a logical reason to put in the effort (don't take that wrong, but in most cases we don't feel we are wrong). Gaining understanding of our personality type and the personality type of the one your with often allows for both parties to relate to each other instead of just assuming that they don't care. Research your own personality type, the actions and thought processes that make you that way and then look up the opposite personality type and try to change to match it and see what you are dealing with. The best way for us to change or to be more accurate expand who we are is to have someone that can understand why we are the way we a.re and are willing to work with us to make the relationship as a whole more fulfilling
Yes. I do. Well I wouldn't call it 'trouble'- because I aim not to. So really I'm just following my intentions. but it is true if I try I feel completely fake and ridiculous and its hard for me to feel dignified if I'm showing feelings, in any direction.
i think it is absolutely possible to learn. we all have the same basic capacity to experience the same feelings.the inhibition is learnt. unless you have an official learning disability. otherwise its totally volitional. but some people have been inside themselves fir so long their convinced its an innate difficulty. its learnt. imo.
I don't think being told 'boys are strong. they don't show feelings when you are upset-Has a greater impact than being told you're a weak irrational pathetic clingy useless pile of emotional garbage--but that's 'ok' because nothing more is expected of you
(whether you get upset or stay completely cam, and rational, in any situation)
So if what people said in passing about your Sex, is responsible for the inability to be affectionate. Women have at least as much reason to avoid their feelings... if not much more.
Our emotions are a large part of who we r. they are here whether we show them or not. so all ud need to do to be outwardly affectionate, is to not get rid of the obstacle
the reward feeling of power people get for appearing impervious, is probably stronger than the feeling of goodness you get when you are kind. .. in many cultures.
Abuse is another cause, but that's really part of the original aim to be stoic. when you really can't because yore a live human being. Id say its soiopolitical.
I voted B because my family does not touch each other, let alone show any kind of physical/verbal affection.
My boyfriend claims it is because my parents did not handle me as much as they should or neglected me during some stage in my development as an infant but that's debatable.
I don't like being touched, my family doesn't touch nor do we say anything overly nice. We never tell each other we love each other, we never hug...nothing. We don't even touch while sitting on the couch watching T.V.
My boyfriend taught me how to be affectionate. I still think it's just the weirdest thing, but I'm learning. Haha the first time I remember being hugged was by him five years ago and I tensed up and stood stock still. I told him it felt like he was trapping me, restricting my movement. It's a wonder he puts up with me. It really is.
It is to do with how the world is, it's what we are surrounded with and people have trouble showing affection because most won't allow it, they constantly bitch, compare themselves to each other and play silly competitive games so now people have trouble because they know they can't unless people stop being so vicious to each other, it's not that they are incapable of showing affection it's just a lot of people don't deserve any, they try to be better than everyone else so your really not going to connect with each other or get on at all when it's like this, it's a sad sad world.
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12Opinion
Do YOU have trouble showing affection? If yes, why so?
No I never had trouble in that!
Why do some people have trouble showing affection?
I think it is a mix of B & C yet in some cases it might be because the subject has been hurt before and therefor decided to not show feelings to avoid getting hurt.
Do you think such thing can be fixed? Can people learn how to show affection?
Depends, I mean, if a couple who are seriously in love with each other, I guess you'll be amazed why the change that happens to them, or one of them at least.
I said other as I grew up in an affectionate family but I have trouble.
I'm actually a really affectionate person and find it unsettling to be this way. The problem seems to be that I have difficulty crossing the "intimacy barrier". I kind of feel that any affection I show would be unwelcome or not wanted.
If m in a relationship with someone I'm completely the other way and can't stop, but actually getting to that point is very difficult for me. Also for non - romantic relationships its hard for me as there isn't the same level of physical intimacy. I just try to show affection verbally in that case.
I would love to be different but I'm not and I just accept it now. On the occasions where I do manage to show affection I think it means more as a result.
I know how to show affection, but what keeps me from doing so is I don't necessarily know how a particular girl feels about me and how she ll react to it. So, therefore you never know what your boundaries are with someone. A lot of guys also tend to not show affection because it looks weak and guys are afraid of being vulnerable to the games females play.
Yeah, but it's just my thing depending on who exactly I'm dealing with. When I was younger, I wouldn't hesitate to hide affectionate feelings towards romantic interests I had at the time for obvious reasons. And I'd do absolutely ANYTHING to keep that safe. Now I don't think I would. But some people overall have a problem showing it because it's just their character, or it may have been how they were raised as children. As for it being fixed, that's something they're going to have to learn I'd think.
Definitely. As I was abused by my older brother as a child/teenager then went onto a relationship with a guy who was basically a religious cult freak and was raped by him because in his words "We were doing it for God". After eight years of recovering I fell into a new relationship with a guy who I finally felt I could put my trust in and found out he had been flinging himself at other women the whole time so even though he knew about my past and how reluctant I was to trust people he ended up shattering what little trust I had left. So yeah I'd say yes and it's mostly to do with trust issues and not wanting people to get too close so they can't hurt you.
i think it all comes down to upbringing, influence by friends, some friends can have negative influence on you like peer pressure, especially for guys, when guys are raised theyre taught to be a man and not cry and be tough and other guys give off that testosterone and they don't have emotions. it can also be insecurities and fear of getting attached to the person involved.
i don't have trouble showing affection I'm very emotional.
but the guy I used to like he had no affection or respect for me at all. I don't even think he would care if I am dead or alive.
I have trouble being verbally affectionate- I can be way too little or way too much but in either sense, it has anxiety behind it.
My worst fear is the people that I love and care about the most abandoning me, especially because of me, like me scaring them off or something.
So when I have intense emotions for someone, saying it out loud is scary because I don't want them to freak out and run away. I don't want to be too much, too clingy or creepy.
All of the above really. Depends on the person. For some it was due to childhood abuse/neglect/pain from early in life. For others it's a cultural or family thing. And for others it's a gender thing and for others it's a combination of them (likely it's a combination).
SO ya...
My family is very verbally affectionate but very physically reserved. As a result, I compliment people all the time but I feel uncomfortable with nearly any kind of physical contact like hugging and hand holding and especially kissing in public. It doesn't really bother me because I think PDA is disgusting and disrespectful anyway.
Hmm I don't know I've only ever shown affection to one person in my life... And it wasn't even physicall, cause well it couldn't be, but I'd have to say the reason for this is a mix between C and not finding the right person b4 her to show affection to. I guess she was just that irresistible and on top of that some other things played in effect that you could say made it easier to show it.
I gave up trying to be emotional a long time ago. It always ended up being really bad and the women would hurt me and take advantage of me every time I showed my emotions. I decided not to show emotional affection to a girl I like, and treat them as if I'm not interested. That's my reason.
I am one of these people .. and trust me if I knew why I would've been able to stop it because I have strong control over myself..
but anyway I think one of the reasons could be that maybe if we showed affection and showed someone we love them and been loved bk we might end up losing that person and being hurt.
It has to be C for dudes overall. I really don't know if it can be taught, I've known people that lived their whole lives, married with children, and never learned how to show affection. I experienced emotional/physical abuse during my childhood, but I don't think that has anything to do with it, it's mostly the way boys are raised I think.
Growing up I never really felt loved or accepted by my family. I'm able to be affectionate to a friendly point, but anything pass that I don't like. I've gotten somewhat better at it, my 9 year old brother who was fortunate to be born in a calm period in my family is really affectionate and always asking me for hugs and I love yous, and it honestly kind of weirds me out, but I return it back because I don't want to emotionally hurt the kid, its not his fault I'm kinda screwy aha.
I thought I did, until I met my ex, he was the only guy I felt truly comfortable with and who I trusted, I could be myself with him and really just go.. I suffered abuse as a kid so it was difficult to trust anybody, but after months of him proving himself to me and being there for me through tough times, I finally trusted him.
I chose other. I think it just depends on the person. I was sexually abused as a child but I love to show other people affection and make them feel loved. I hug as much as I can, and when I tell someone I love them, I mean it. Also my grandpa never hugged my dad or really even said that he loved him but that's the opposite of how my dad is. He will be walking past my room and randomly just tells me he loves me.
Yes I think I do. I feel like I don't know how to communicate it properly, like if I show affection it is weird or me to do it. besides I have never been able to get to a point where I'd be able to ask a girl out.. I must be more of a loser than I thought
I don't start off showing affection, but once I'm used to the person, I am a crystal ball. I'm do comfortable with the person, I forget to show affection sometimes, which is not good of course. Either way, I can show affection if I want my affection seen.
I have trouble showing anything more than friendly affection, I think just because I don't like to be vulnerable in any way. It's the way I was raised, and something I am trying to correct.
yes. I have trouble showing affection because I never grew up being shown affection. I was a lone wolf as far as I remember. I don't know how to even if I wanted to.
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