Should I be upset about what my boyfriend said?

So I was talking with my boyfriend, and something came up. In his mind, I haven't reached maturity yet. He thinks that since I'm small, I haven't gotten to puberty. He doesn't even think I have my time of the month yet. But what really stuck with me, was he basically called me small-chested. I know I am, but that really kinda made my confidence levels go way down to hear it from him. Now I'm feeling really self-conscious about myself and it's hurting me. I know he didn't mean any harm by saying it, but he doesn't understand how much that can affect a girl. Any advice from someone would be helpful.

btw: I'm not about to tell him that I have my time of the month, but he needs to know I'm not just a little girl


Most Helpful Guy

  • First off you are immature, on an emotional aspect, social aspect, and your brain not being fully developed yet, but that is not what he or you meant.

    From the sound of it you two are rather young and he doesn't understand female anatomy at all (it says you are sixteen but I'm going to guess you are even much younger than that as you can't say period and that he would actually think you haven't hit puberty yet; my guess is you are 13 or 14). So anyway, you are still young and have time to grow into your body. You can still get taller and your breasts can certainly get bigger, but in the end that shouldn't matter at all. Tons of guys like smaller chested women, personally I think they are awesome, and he probably does too. Maybe he was just pointing out a fact.

    I will advise you start this now, as this is a trait that will help you in many of your future relationships. Sit your boyfriend down and calmly (emphasis on that word) explain to him that what he said hurt your feelings and why it hurt your feelings. This will start a calm conversation as to how to fix the situation. This is a tactic that will work magic on a situation no matter how old you are.


What Guys Said 11

  • This is more about HIS emotional and social immaturity than any physical immaturity on your part. Your boyfriend is either clueless and insensitive, or he's a selfish jerk. More likely the former.

    Something you should keep in mind: guys are, on average, 2-3 years less emotionally mature than girls are, starting from puberty and usually continuing until the guy hits about 30, when he tends to quickly catch up. You have to EXPECT some immaturity from them, unfortunately.

    There's nothing wrong with your body, so there's no need for you to feel insecure about that. But you *should* let him know that comments like that make you feel bad, and make you like him less. He needs to know when he screws up. Don't tell him NOT so say that stuff; let him figure that out on his own, and if he doesn't figure it out fairly quickly, then you need to reconsider being with him.

  • He is an immature little jerk. He's insecure about himself and so he makes himself feel better by trying to make others feel insecure.. You definitely have a right to be upset but you shouldn't let some immature a**hole make you feel bad. You shouldn't react angrily towards I'd just dump. You shouldn't be with anyone who acts like that because by letting him get away with it, it will only embolden his douche bagginess.

    You have the right to feel bad, although you shouldn't since your boyfriend is just a jerk.

    Move on and find a guy who will respect you and treat you like the beautiful woman/person you deserve to be treated

  • He's really insensitive about people.

    Guys usually like to tease girls all the time, however they don't know that their words mean a lot.

  • Hi Clueless!

    I'm so sorry to hear about what your boyfriend said. And what you keep to yourself is yours and is private; you don't have to tell him about what's going on with your body if you don't want to. As to what he said about your chest, hold your head high. For starters, if all he's concerned with is your physical appearance, then you should remind him that you are much more than just a body, and that physicality is just one aspect of a healthy and happy relationship. Here are some ideas that might help:

    1. Try making an affirmation list. This can be a list of your positive physical attributes, but should also be stuff that makes you original and the great person I'm sure you are. Examples might be "I play the piano well", or "I'm a loyal friend". Really take the time to figure out at least 10 things you like about yourself. If you need help with this, you might talk to your favorite teacher or one of your parents.

    2. Keep in mind that not everyone physically develops at the same rate. Some of us are "late bloomers". I know women who didn't start their periods till they were 17! Everything tends to even us all out in the end, so be patient.

    3. Many women are insecure about breast size. They measure themselves against their friends, teammates, even women they just see on the street. Want to know a secret? As a guy, I honestly don't care about how big a woman's breasts are - I care about how smart she is, how good a sense of humor she has, and whether she's generally a good human being. Sure, physical attraction is important to me and I appreciate all parts of a woman's body, but something like breast size doesn't make any difference in choosing a woman to be in a relationship with. I'll bet you'll find that most guys would agree with me.

    Ultimately, if you find that your boyfriend is too fixated on the physical and isn't paying attention to who you are inside, you should talk with him about it. Read your affirmation list first, so you go into the conversation knowing your own worth!

    Good luck. I hope this helps.

  • He's a young idiot. Tell him that and see how he feels.

    You should be upset - if he doesn't learn it now, he won't learn it later and will grow up to be a jerk.

    Teach kids to look after pets - or they will be serial killers

    Teach Teenagers to look after their partners - or they will have series of failed relationships

    Teach Adults to look after money/career - or they will be broke before they turn 60

    Horrible steps of life that we all must suffer.

  • I think even young guys know that you can't say sh*t like that to a girl. It hurts. How would he feel if the girl told him his penis was small, or something like that.

    The only thing I can tell you is that not all guys care about breast size. You might meet great guys that like something else about you more. I find curvy hips 10 times sexier than large breasts for example.

  • That was a little insensitive of him.

  • Everyone here is right he is jerk and you need to leave him. He doing nothing but damageing who you are as a person. He will make you cry every chance he gets, he will beat you down. Once he has your self esteem down low enough. He will have you beleiveing no other man wants you to keep you from leaving cause he is a dirtbag.He'll start looking at it as way to control you. Cause he will eventually try to start using it to control you. I am sorry you are going through this you don't need it. I have seen my sisters go through guys like that.

  • Well I am from india so no comments, its shocking to even read girls are so open there, and just sex is not a big deal before marriage.

  • A small chest is sexy. He obviously doesn't know what he's talking about. Find another guy that will treat you and your body right. can have more fun by yourself if you wanted to. Don't sweat it.


What Girls Said 6

  • I think you need to tell him he was out of line for saying such a thing about someone he's dating. Especially since you weren't badmouthing him! I suggest dumping him too, and finding someone who loves your flaws. :]

    -love Sosa

  • You are upset. its not or place to say whether you _should_ be. feelings are not decrees. they are feelings. they are what you are. its what you do with them that is significant.

    umm, imo, this is not about proving to ihm tat youve hit maturity. he's being disrespectful. I mean its not his place to say where you are in development, and if he has an issue he should talk to you about it.

    tell him you are fully grown. if he doesn't like it, and if that's all he cares about- he can leave.

    since neither of you seem to understand the implications of menstruation, but you can be totally flat chested and bleed once a month. I got my period when I was 9. I def was not fully 'matured' its got nothing to do with breast size.just the onset of breast development. its neither here nor there as far as the final product though.

    anyways just tell him this is you and he's being disrespectful. if that's all he cares about he can leave. otherwise he should drop it.

    if you're not comfortable talking about your period, you should have told him that. because right now

    hes talking about it, and you're insisting ius none of his business. you ought to tell him the subject is off limits.. if that's how you're going to treat it.

    you two need to do spme major communicating. you may find you don't get along. regrdless you need to be clear. its a jungle in there.

  • Maybe something is bothering him and because of that he took it out on u. If he's with you then obviously it means he cares and hey at least he ain't with you for your body look at the bright sude your big heart is what really matters to him

  • He's being immature and hateful.

    I don't even understand why you'd be dating someone that talks to you like that.

    My best advice: dump him. Find someone that appreciates you, not someone that puts you down.

  • Ask him when he expects his balls to drop, because, from the looks of him, they haven't. :p

    Seriously, you two need to break up and both grow up a little bit and become mature enough for relationships and then go out and find a person who's maturity level is compatible with yours. Good luck.

  • Is he doing it to purposely be hurtful or does he just have no idea about how puberty works?

    I don't know, either way, I wouldn't be with this guy... Why can't you tell him, "Uh yes, I do have my period"?