I want to vent to my boyfriend but I don't want him to think I'm crazy

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half and have known each other for six years total. We've been best friends for all of those years.

I'm basically cracking under the pressure of my exams at college and I would like to confide in him but I'm kind of afraid he'll think I've just lost it.

I just have been having a rotten week and it only started today!

I'm stressing about my grades. I had 100% in my psychology class until today when I took my midterm and it dropped me down to a 90.65%! In addition to that, I have a C+ in Geography, an A in criminology, barely an A in business, and a B- in literature.

I feel like a total failure. I've never done poorly in school before. I was all A's all through high school and all A's and one B last semester and then this semester? I don't know what happened. I don't party, I study just as hard as last semester...

I currently have a 3.28 GPA where as last semester I had a 3.78. My parents won't pay for my schooling if I drop below a 3.5, I won't make the deans list if I'm below a 3.5, and I lose my honors scholarship if I drop below that as well.

Anyway, I want to confide in him about it but I know he won't know how to help me as he is still in high school and is no where near me when I'm at school.

I feel so miserable about myself, you have no idea. It makes me just want to drop out and live on the streets like a worthless piece of garbage because that's basically what I am anyway.

[Ingrid422]

Look, I know where you're coming from - from both ends. I've been the grade A student throughout my whole high school, graduated with honors, and still performed pretty good at what you'd call college (not from the US, so it's different here). Anyway, as long as I had "unspeciallized" classes like french, English, humaties - stuff like that -, I performed extremely well. But at those classes specialized in science (mechanical physics, electrical physics, etc.), I didn't do great. Sometimes I even did very poorly, almost failed a few times. I never failed all that time. I graduated from "college" with still no failed classes to my record. I started a degree in mechanical engineering at a renowned university, although I had difficulty in physics.

Fast forward to today, and I'm through my 2nd year of uni with 3 failed classes under my belt. I failed 2 classes in one semester, very close to 3 actually, and I retook them all this fall. I took a summer class too. And last semester, I failed another class, which I'm currently retaking. So you bet I know all about insecurity at school and identifying your self-worth with academic performance. I OFTEN vent to my boyfriend about that because he's almost graduating in the same degree I'm pursuing. He knows what it's like, he can relate to the stress and discouragement that comes with poor performance.

What I'd like to tell you is that it's not gonna be less stressful in the future, so you better get used to it and try to get a grip on things right now before you lose yourself and your confidence. I see you're losing it, and it's understandable, but it's unhealthy for you. I often feel the same way. For days, I feel worthless because I'm struggling at school and I feel like I'm constantly on the verge of failure. You can't think like that. I get it, I'm going through the same stuff, but remember that you're nowhere near dead end right now okay? Have you failed a class? No. So why worry about what might happen if you don't perform as well as you'd like. You're doing your best, and that's all that counts. If it doesn't work out, then you can readjust and change your strategy, but you're not there yet, remember. As my mom told me, when you're struggling, don't compare yourself to others, just tell yourself "Yes, I'm stufggling, so what?". It ain't gonna help things if you get all beat up and discouraged. Just do your own thing and if needed, explain how you're feeling to whomever you feel more at ease with - might be your boyfriend. I'm sure he'll try to understand and help you to see things under a different light, and that's what you need.

Good luck!

[BlueSJ]

You have to vent to someone to relieve some of the pressure.

So you can concentrate more on your future work & studying.

And please, don't feel you're worthless.

We all go through this point of our life where we feel we've lost everything.

But the clever the strong one is the one who wouldn't give up,

and would just complete his way with full power as if nothing happened.

And I see you're doing well, you said that you studied very well

and did everything you can, so the problem wasn't in you ^_^..

There're some students who repeated some years in the university

because of their marks or because of some health issues..

so you're just doing well.. You shouldn't fall just because of this,

you should always expect the worst to happen.

Always remember: "You have so many extraordinary gifts;

how can you expect to live an ordinary life?"

[Anonymous]

I think guys expect that and that's what's he's somewhat there for in a relationship

[Gawesome]

Ahh...the school days and the pressures...I still remember it like it was yesterday. Yea..holding onto that stress/baggage is bad for your mental (and even physical) health...I would know a thing or two about caving under the pressures of your own high expectations and ego.

I don't want you to slip into a depression because judging from your last statement, the negative thoughts are building up fast.

Talk to someone you trust...a friend, family member, or here's a though...your bf! That's what friends, loved ones, and even a boyfriend is for. He's your best friend FOR A REASON. Someone will listen to you, just let them know. Just vent and talk it...that's all you need to do. Doesn't matter if they really listen to every detail or not. At least you get it off your chest, which is bottling it up inside.

In fact...you venting right now to the people of GaG! Feels better doesn't it? Takes a load off your shoulders.

How do you know he won't be able to help you? Don't assume things with him. It's been 6 years! If he cares, he'll try his damn best!

PM me if you need to discuss further.

[mattiee]

I think you should let him have it you've been going out for a while I think he can handle it, I

also understand your frustrations at school(I'm a student myself working on another degree), however your taking things WAY TO HARD, and seriously with school you need to realize your not doing as bad as ya think. Also school is just a short small phase in your life(4-5 years), you won't even remember these issues when ya move on in life. School is to prepare you for work so do well but also remember its a very short time before your working in your career.

[RasmusAiken]

You've been taught the LIE that your self-worth is based on your academic accomplishments. While your academic skills have been truly admirable, that is such a small part of who you are and why you are valued.

You are now at the college level. So what if you are just above average. Say this to yourself, "I am an above average college student." That sounds pretty awesome to me.

Ten years from now do you think the kids on your lap listening to a bedtime story will even give a $hite that you were ever on the Dean's list?

Yes, dump on your boyfriend. If he has known you six years he can take it . . . head-on. And talk to those parents of yours, too so they can tell you you're awesome no matter what!

[yaddayaddayadda02]

Sheesh! Relax...take a deep breath. You're not worthless, and you're not a piece of garbage.

I know that college can be stressful. But your grades aren't that bad, and the semester just started. Go to your professors where you have the poor grades and see what they can do to help you pull your average up.

As far as your boyfriend, if you can't talk to him about troubles in your life, then I don't think he's much of a boyfriend. The whole point of being in a relationship is that you share your life - good times and bad - with others. If I were him, I'd rather know that you were stressed about school and could help ease your fears where I can - rather than have your stress come out on our relationship in other ways.

[Asker]

The thing is, I never complain to him. About anything. So I'm afraid if I just explode he'll freak out lol

[yaddayaddayadda02]

Well I think it's time you ease into it with him. You need a friend. You need someone to talk to. It appears you can't talk to your parents about it, so he's there for you.

[madhatters4]

if he's your best friend he should be there to listen to your problems. That's what friends are for.

as for your school issues. Take a step back, breath deep, exhale, inhale, exhale. Problems like these occur in college, it is the nature of the beast. Your parents made an investment in your education they aren't going to cut and run simply because you are .3 below some arbitrary benchmark. Talk to them and they should understand and you'll just tell them you'll try to do better.

But honestly college can be extremely stressful (after all it is one of the few times you are spending thousands of dollars on an education with so much riding on it). Confide in your friends, confide in your parents, talk to your professors. DO NOT bottle up these emotions as they can lead to a nervous breakdown. Find ways to vent your problems (talking, hit up a party, watch a movie,etc) and I think you'll find with some perspective you'll start to see clearly and find your answers

[PhilaPenn]

The crazy thing is that as stressful as grades are when you are in college...none of the employers I interviewed for seemed to really care about grades. Talk to your BF, that's why he's you BF. Your parents seem like peopleI wouldn't like. Georgraphy is one of those stupid subjects that basically meaningless. Don't stress too much. Look, I doubt that your parents are really going to pull you out of school because you dipped just a bit below 3.5. If they do, then you know what there are ways to pay for school without them. And then let them have a piece of your mind. Anxiety is a bear. Your parents should be offering support. It's obvious that you are an overachiever. It's not worth losing your mind over.

[Anonymous]

Do you want to *vent*, or do you want specifically to vent to *him* ?

If you just need to vent, do it with your friends or a family member. Someone who is used to it.

But if you're just looking to offload on him specifically, you need to think about why that is.

You already know he won't know how to help you - so why do you want to dump your troubles on him?

Remember, the male instinct when hearing a problem, is NOT to empathise and talk things out and listen to you. That's the female instinct. His instinct will be to offer advise and try and fix the problem.

Try very hard to be aware of what it is you actually want and need here - and then work out if it's something you can get best from a guy, or a girl.

[Racez]

You must confide this problem of yours to him.

You really need someone to talk your problems with, and want to have some peace for yourself.

Usually, people who vent out their feelings are feeling better after that, and they can do things again in spectacular fashion.

[Markezzo]

I've known some girls that vented almost every day to me and/or their bf:s about the same thing over and over again. There is nothing wrong with venting when you really need it, just don't it all the time, I assume you don't.

Like gonyr said, give him a heads up. If you're actually gonna say that you want to drop out and live on the street he's bound to get worried, either listen well to his advice or make it clear that you're just saying it out of frustration.

[awaken03]

you should not think less of yourself here, as his Girlfriend you have every right to vent and confide with him..whats the point of being friends for six years and now your in a relationship if he can't listen to your concerns that would be selfish keep you calm he should be supportive and you should stop being pessimistic and think of the good things you have in life in general..other people even are in worst sh*t and don't have people caring for them.

[gonyr]

Ok your grades are awesome and I wish they were mine

But vent to him. Asks I'm if you can call him later and that you have to vent. Tat way you don't ambush him with a longphone call when it's inconvenient for him.

He's going to tell you that you're totally fine and that you're doing great and to not freak out

[artfullyliving]

Then don't vent at all on anyone ever.

You have a bit of a complex going so try to place yourself

in a dwelling of mental sets so you don't annihilate yourself

in the course of self improvement.

Wow. How can you do this to yourself ?

[palek]

You clearly ARE crazy, but don't let the cat out of the bag all at once. Limit your "venting" at first to maybe 10 minutes per day and then let your madness unfold insidiously.

[Anonymous]

if you think he will think like that, you need a new relationship.

[oddball]

do it a little at a time