I told my boyfriend a big lie and scared he's going to dump me now.

[Anonymous]

When my boyfriend and I first started dating, I wasn't completely honest with him. I told him the reason I didn't drive much was because I didn't have a car. Truth is, I was never really taught. I have my license, I really have no idea how since I taught myself pretty much everything, but after an accident or two I got scared and stopped driving. I started back after awhile and got driving lessons, but they became too expensive and I couldn't afford them. My boyfriend has been driving me everywhere, and it has worked out really well, but now he's really sick and needs to see a doctor. I want to take him, but he wants me to drive his car there. I would feel awful if something were to happen to it. He's also a great driver and criticizes other bad drivers. What if he was to make fun of me or judge me or break up with me because of my lack of driving ability?

I know its stupid and most people would probably make fun of me or not Be understanding, but its something I have a hard time with. My mom nearly died from a car crash leaving her paralyzed and my best friend died from a drunk driving accident. Driving just terrifies me.

What do I do? Do I tell him or just make up excuses and hope he keeps on driving me places?

Updates

+1 y

Thanks everyone. I told him and he was very understanding. He is going to help me drive more. :)

[Confucius16]

You shouldn't have lied in the first place. Lies lead to more lies, and then you keep on trying to cover up the first lie, and then you get to a situation like this that depends on both you and your boyfriend's life, because if you were to drive him, especially because you are nervous about driving, that could be very dangerous. But since you already lied, you will have to tell the truth.

The reason that you are scared of driving is because of your bad experiences with driving. You can condition your fear of driving to go away by taking small steps. Practice driving close to home or in a safe area. Just drive slowly at first and a little at a time, and eventually you will be able to drive faster and for longer periods.

You need to tell him as soon as possible. Your reluctance of driving him will make him think that you are weird. He will be able to eventually tell that something is wrong. Also, if he doesn't find out from you, he might feel like he can't trust you anymore or he may feel that he was lied to. From now on, try telling the truth, even if you are afraid, because that is doing the right thing.

I know it is hard, but try telling your boyfriend in a way that makes you feel like you feel remorse for lying. Apologize and explain why you felt like you had to lie. Tell him that you didn't tell him that you were afraid of driving because you were afraid that he would judge you for being a bad driver. Tell him about your mom and your friend. Tell him that you tried to learn but no one really taught you, and when you tried learning from an instructor, it got too expensive. If he is understanding, he will understand and sympathize with your fear. If he breaks up with you over you not being able to drive, then maybe it wasn't good to be with a person who doesn't stick with you though good times and bad times.

Don't say "I lied". Try to make it sound less extreme by saying that you didn't tell the complete truth. Tell him that one lie led to another, and you just kept covering it up. Don't forget to include the exact reasons why you did what you did, or else he won't be able to fully see the depth of your fear. If you don't tell him why you didn't tell the complete truth, he will feel lied to. Don't make things worse. The more you try to cover up the truth, the greater the feeling he will have of being lied to when/if he finally does find out. Tell the truth. Good luck.

[Confucius16]

If you do make it through this, try to work on driving skills, either with an instructor or with your boyfriend. That support that he could give you could really drive you to succeed.

[Confucius16]

If you never tell him, he will be suspicious and will think that you are acting weird. He won't know what is wrong. He might even think that you don't care enough for him by not wanting to drive him. I've seen other people on this website asking questions about why someone they know is acting weird.

[Confucius16]

You see? Communication does work. You're very lucky to have someone who cares about you.

[yaddayaddayadda02]

Well do you have a car? If not, you were 'honest'. If he's that sick he hasn't the time to worry about your driving skills.

Just tell him beforehand that you're very nervous and will try your best to get him there. Drive his car and be extra careful. Take a route with stop lights if possible.

But you're an adult, you need to get help to get over this fear.

[Confucius16]

If she were to drive him with very little experience and with a fear of driving, that could endanger both their lives. Better to be safe than sorry.

[yaddayaddayadda02]

I understand what you're saying...but if he's deathly ill and needs a ride to a doctor. Sometimes it's the best alternative.

[crazi4chu]

Aw hun, I think you should tell him exactly that. Explain why you lied and tell him that you're nervous. I don't think he will break up with you for something like that but you should definitely tell him the truth. I bet you'll be surprised at how understanding he'll be. Driving is a serious thing, people don't think about it like that nowadays but you aren't alone in feeling nervous to drive. Have a little courage, I'm sure everything will be fine. <3

[guy532]

no guy would dump his girlfriend just because she can't drive lol

[Confucius16]

No guy would dump his girlfriend because she couldn't drive, but a guy might dump his girlfriend if she didn't tell the truth, because then he wouldn't know if he could trust her.

[MollyM207]

Be honest with him. Apologize. Bear your heart.