Why do guys just want to sleep with me when I'm not even encouraging it?

[Anonymous]

Hello, I want to know what guys are thinking?

I'm 21 years old, and never had a boyfriend in my life! People think I'm really pretty, curvy yet petite (im 5'1) I'm kind of shy from the start so I don't flirt or give guys the impression that I want to sleep with them. Nowadays, I don't even show a guy that I actualy like them because I feel like they would use that to their advantage to just get me in bed quicker. I'm nice, smart, hard worker, and sweet. But all I keep getting, are guys who want to sleep with me! It seems like no guy wants to get to know me or anything, it's just sex, sex and more sex. Not even an exaggeration! One after the other and I'm just starting to break down.

I'm starting to feel bad about myself because I see my friends and others in meaningful relationships while I get treated like some potential one night stand. I haven't even had sex with a guy in three years so it's not like I'm an easy girl!

Makes me wonder at times if I should give up my morals and just sleep with them smh.

[Anonymous]

NO! Don't give up your morals and your self-worth by comparing yourself to your friends who seem like they have good relationships going. I personally will not sleep with a girl until marriage. Not all guys want to just sleep with a girl. There are people with similar morals out there. DON'T GIVE UP!

Don't make the wrong mistake. Don't crumble just because of pressure. Be confident in yourself. Take your time. There are many fish out there, but just a few that are right for you. One day you will find someone who cares for you.

Be more assertive and stand up for yourself. Take some classes if you have to. Try Interpersonal Communication classes. If you are shy, then many guys take that as a sign that they can take advantage of you.

Do you think you can find some religious people? I think that many people that aren't religious sometimes don't have enough morals. They can't just sleep with people they hardly know. It takes a long time to find someone who truly cares. Along the way, you might have some difficulty, but believe in yourself. If you start to sleep with guys because you can't handle it anymore, then you won't really be vested in the relationship. That will hurt your self-esteem even more. DON'T GIVE IN!

[Asker]

You're right but it gets tiring especially when I see girls just giving it up so quickly then just end up in relationships. Meanwhile, once again I'm just alone! I just don't get it.

And even the religious ones, (catholic/Christian ) aren't any different, well the catholic guys that I know of. I'll just keep going to church and maybe an actual religious one will pop up.

[Opinion Owner]

Religion isn't what it once was. There are hardly any good role models out there anymore. Nowadays religious people just go to church or temples or mosques and that is enough. It is very hard to find good people, even religious people. I hope you don't give in, because that would really not be good for you.

[red324]

You need to say things to these guys like whoah, aren't we going on a date first? Or you can be like I don't sleep with guys I don't date or guys who aren't my boyfriend. You need to be bold and set them straight to let them know that you're not just going to give in easy and they'll have to work for you. So basically what you do is you lead them on but you never let them have it until you're ready. Honestly I would hold off for a good month or more. If a guy is still showing interest then he must really like you cause a player would have given up a long time ago. I'd say give it at least a month or 6 or so dates before you put out. Do you really think a player will spend all that money on you for 6 dates when he know he can get a girl to give it up on the 3rd or even the 1st date? I doubt it. You're probably really cute and then you're also shy so they may feel like you're not experienced and could be an easy target. Don't EVER give into a mans wants until you feel comfortable about it. A man shouldn't push you to do something you're not comfortable with either if he respects you. Now pushing you to go to a new restaurant or trying to get you over your fear of heights or something is a little bit different.

[kheserthorpe]

I actually wonder if your 'showing no interest' is making things worse. Guys looking to hook up are just trying with lots of girls, guys looking for a girlfriend may be looking for more counter interest

The other reality is, at your age, the more outgoing and confident a guy is, the better he is with girls, the less likely t is he wants a girlfriend. The guys who actually WANT a girlfriend will tend to be the ones who are worse with girls - the guys who need you to help love things a long.

My best suggestion is to be outgoing and don't hide what you're looking for. If you want a boyfriend, people need to know you're looking for one, otherwise guys who might want to BE that boyfriend don't know to make a move.

If they bring up sex, try to steer it to how you'd love that WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND.

[honeyltsme]

Guys trying to hook up are not singling you out. They say the same things to the other 10 girls that same night that they spoke with you.

If you want for someone to want to get to know you, don't go to the places frequented by the guys wanting to hook up - go to places where thinking and caring people would go.

[Asker]

All these guys I either find at school or at my workplace. So I don't know where to go to find decent ones. I don't go to clubs or bars often.

[honeyltsme]

Well that's your problem - you are making yourself a target of opportunity where these guys do not have to walk a single extra yard to hit on you.

Go to some interest groups, museums or book readings, charity organizations or get involved in some particular sports (not like a general gym)

[sixstring]

What you need to realize is that pretty much all guys that age want sex. Most guys can be separated into two groups : Players who want to get laid, and guys who are looking for a girlfriend but still want to have sex.

If a guy would like to sleep with you, it doesn't mean he *just* wants to sleep with you.

A lot of it can also depend on where you meet guys. For example at a bar/nightclub you have a much better chance of only meeting guys who just want sex.

[Asker]

Well I usually meet all through school or at my workplace (mall). How can I really tell who just wants to get laid and who wants to have sex yet wants a girlfriend, because so far I see no difference.

[sixstring]

Time will tell. If he sticks around for several months despite not getting any, he's interested in more than sex.

[stubbsy]

Dont give up your morals, your rare, so you should hold onto those talents, and the reason guys probably do this is because your a challenge, and one wants the trophy to say "I shagged that" so remain with your morals intact and wait for that guy who is willing to get to know you, he will be worth the wait, and your friends will be left going from one relationship to another, where you will have one worthy of a 100 of theres,x

[kennyk]

Wow it sounds like you're getting approached by a lot of d-bags. Definitely don't give up your values, they'll just use you, spit you out, and you'll feel 10x worse than before! Somehow you're attracting the wrong type. Better to hold out for a decent guy, having sex with a guy won't turn a 1-night stand into a relationship, or if it does it's just because the guy realizes he can get regular, easy sex.

[Prof_Don]

Remember that the boyfriends of your friends in "meaningful relationships" also want to bang your friends as well.

Sexual interest doesn't mean the guy isn't interested in you as a person.

I think you're stereotyping these guys that you interact with too quickly. Just because they aren't asexual doesn't mean they ONLY want sex.

Even the "nice&sweet" guys want sex...but that doesn't mean that they ONLY want sex.

[Asker]

I don't really stereotype. But when all that comes out their mouth is sex and They can't even have one date with me or even just hang out because their busy but always seem to have time for sex at their place, what am I suppose to think?

[Prof_Don]

Oh damn that sux! :(

It's possible that the more genuine guys presume you're taken, and don't approach you, because you seem like a very attractive lady.

I have learned (luckily early) that some of the most attractive lady are the most discouraged and lonely when it comes to dating, because for some unfair reason only the guy that DONT want to genuinely date her and just f*ck, are WAY more willing to approach her

[Prof_Don]

Make sure that you give "signal of interest" to the guys that you want to approach you...most guys that aren't absolute p*ssy monsters, won't approach a girl unless he gets some sort of signal of interest from you,

to give him better reassurance that he won't be rejected.

Do you exert your "female flirtation powers" to let the guys that YOU have interested know that you want to be approached?

[Asker]

I don't use any flirtation powers anymore because all I ever get are the same guys who just wants to f**k. Now I just have a cold look to me and I look like I want to fight somebody sometimes lol (people say to me). Just today, I get a naked picture of a guy I use to speak to on a daily basis but now we don't because he disappeared. I thought he might've liked me because we spoke nonstop, but he was always "busy"to hang out. It's been months now since we spoke and then I get that picture.

[BigJoe]

Don't dress sexy if you are when you go out.Dont come off as a air head or flirt(not saying you are just saying)and don't sleep with any guy unless he earns it and have that kind of additude.If a guy goes to kiss you pull away and say not so fast lets see how things go I am not in any rush.He will then know he has to put time in and earn it from a good girl.Guys looking for real girls will appreciate you.guys just looking to get laid will move on.

[JohnWhilkins]

Maybe you're just having a really sh*t strain of luck. So they didn't want to sit down and talk or just joke around or nothing?

[Asker]

Some just get straight to the point and some talk to me for like a week or two then invite me to come over and have sex.

[JohnWhilkins]

Hahah that's f***ed up. I don't have an answer to that

[DexHawk2]

Guys are like that they'll just have sex with her and then leave her , it's like your a peace of gum , you chew it to get the flavor out and when it's gone u'll throw it out and get another one .

[kenp1983]

Young men your age are very sexually motivated. Even if you give no indication your interested in sex at all. That won't stop them from trying. Especially since men are taught to be the aggressors and pursue it.