Why does my daughter flirt with my partner ?

[taylor-84]

Details

I am 31 years old, my partner is 32 years old we have been together for almost 5 years now our relationship is great at least that`s what I feel. I have 3 great children 2 girls (13) (16) and a son (8) from a past relationship. However whenever my partner and I go to my mothers house for dinner or just to visit my 16 year old displays lucrative sexual behavior toward my partner meaning she will come in the kitchen and do things like go to the fridge open the door and turn around to stare and smile at him till he looks at her , bending over the case of pop taking like 5 minutes just to get a pop out of the case ...I figure she wants him to stare are her bent-over ...bottom line here is she won't leave the room till he stares at her; then she will look at me and smile ..I m like WTF is going on here ? you can fee it in the air ...the tension is thick, un-comfortable note she does this sh*t while her boyfriend 15 is over.. example last week we went for dinner my oyfriend and I were sitting in the kitchen when it was time to eat she waved her boyfriend to come eat when he walked in the kitchen, I silently heard my daughters boyfrined say " you said I`m not allowed in here " so I said out loud what ? why are you not allowed in the kitchen ? my daughter raised her voice and I was only joking ..now I think why cause I m in here ? could my daughter be jealous of me ? I m not the greatest thing but I am beautiful I m 115 lbs and cup size E-F --being she is very small chested ..but my main question is why does she display such lucrative behavior toward my partner ? does she resent me? who knows I m so confused, I have not called her on anything yet but we can't even visit its that bad and things need to STOP also I m almost 4 months pregnant now and can't go on anymore ..I feel like she has no respect for me ...idk just the thought of my mom and her by would gross me out let alone would I want the man looking me in a sexual manner ! HELP

[kheserthorpe]

For what its worth, I don't think this is that unusual, so if it helps to know that, there you go.

She's physically rocketing from being 'a kid' to being a gorgeous young woman (like her mother) and has suddenly been handed a hint of power over every man on the planet. Its going to be growing a lot over the next couple years, but its kicked in now. That must be somewhat intoxicating and she really doesn't know what to do with it, or what she -can- do with it, so she;s playing around with it.

Meanwhile, you still look far hotter then any teen's mother deserves to look (from the teen's perspective) and yes, just like your partner may be telling himself not to look at your daughter, your daughter's bf's are probably trying not to stare at you. So she may be upset that her bf's find YOU hot and sometimes look at you in front of her, and that intensifies the glee she'd feel when YOUR boyfriend looks at her.

This might get worse before it gets better - she is going to be more attractive to men your age in a couple years, and you don't look to me like you're likely to be any less attractive to guys her age any time soon. While in practice you will likely be with partners close to your own age, in terms of attractiveness and ability to capture men's attention, you two are competitors.

I don't really -know- what you're supposed to do in this situation, but my best guess? Don't treat her like a child. Treat her like a brand new attractive young woman who doesn't know when to flirt and not flirt. So tell her, not in a condescending way, but in a 'well you're growing up and you've got this new power and here's how you should and shouldn't use it'.

[Peterness]

I like this answer. Well done.

[cheeky_starfish]

It sounds to me like she's going through a period in her teenage years where she wants attention from guys and perhaps she feels like she's in competition with yourself. Even though she has a boyfriend herself, maybe she just wants to get your partners attention just to make her feel better, like she can 'compete' with you and when she does get your partners attention, she looks at you for acknowledgement that you have noticed. It's almost like she's saying 'ha, you think you're pretty, but your man fancies me!' if you get what I mean.

What she's doing is not fair on her boyfriend and is certainly not an ideal living situation for everyone involved. Maybe you need to bond with her a little better and build her confidence, so that she doesn't feel like she has to 'compete' with you. Go shopping together, let her try on some new clothes and tell her how great she looks (but only if the clothes do actually suit her! lol) and just try to bond with her a little. Give each other beauty treatments together and/or go places that give you proper beauty treatments and encourage her to feel good about how she feels and looks.

Talk to your partner about the situation and agree on how you are both going to deal with this, but it's sounds like a very sensitive issue that needs to be handled with care. Hopefully you can help her to gain more self confidence in how she feels about her looks/appearance and not make her feel like she is in 'competition' with yourself. I hope that helps you somewhat! :o)

[LilRedHead]

Daughters tend to go through a rebellious stage in those years. This might sound odd but there is mother daughter counseling out there. She might be going through some insecurity issues as well and that's why she tends to hit on your partner and feel uncomfortable with her boyfriend looking at other men as well. When you have the time just sit her down and talk to her about how much you love her and that you'll definitely need help when the baby comes and you know you can count on her. Tell her sometimes she looks pretty. If none of these are working then try to go to mother daughter counseling or just get her some counseling. Having someone to talk to and help her figure her identity out might do her some good. 16 is a time of figuring out sexuality and your own social identity. A third-party non-biased professional to help guide her to the right path would definitely help her self-esteem.

[Stacyzee]

You sound a bit insecure.

You are comparing your chest size saying its bigger than your daughters and deeming yourself more attractive than her.

The fact of the matter is it shouldn't even come to this.

You shouldn't be in a competition with your daughter.

Your daughter is being a skank and has no morals.

You need to sit with her and speak to her about this.

Mother-daughter.

[Confucius16]

I agree with your first five lines. I think that the mere fact that she is making comparisons might show a correlation to the behavior that her daughter displays, which could be why her daughter is acting like this.

[why-makoto-kun]

You're right Stacyzee, it shouldn't come to this. How ridiculous.

[Stacyzee]

So true Confucius. Being that she had her at fifteen maybe she didn't exactly know how to behave or act like a mom, so the daughter in turn may be mimicking behavior that she has seen.

[Confucius16]

This is not proper behavior on the part of your daughter. You have to stand up in your role as a parent and be assertive, letting your daughter know that that behavior is off-limits. That is just wrong. Are you in a relationship with your partner, or is your daughter in a relationship with your partner?

Talk to your daughter one-on-one, not "at her earliest convenience", but more like when you two can sit down and have a serious discussion. You need to set clear boundaries and consequences. The thing is, at her age, it is very hard to teach her. Also, you must reflect on your own behavior, and see if sometimes something you do causes her to behave in a certain way. The problem is that family values and things like that should be instilled at a young age, and the older she is, the less likely she will be to want to listen to you or change.

Your partner is not helping. Make it clear to your partner that he should not reward her flirty behavior. If she acts sexual until your partner looks, then the act of your partner looking, despite whatever you tell your daughter, will just ensure that this behavior continues. You must let your partner know that he should not just give in and let her get her way. Otherwise she will keep on doing this. Tell your partner to ignore her. See who has the most patience and can last the longest. I'm sure this girl will get bored eventually. That is, unless your partner gives in first.

There could be some unresolved issues. Perhaps because you were so young when you had this daughter, she learned some of this behavior from you? It is suspicious to have a child at that young age, and you must ask yourself if you were a good parent at that age. Your youth may have the effect that your daughter views you more like a rival than a person to be respected.

[DutchAtheist]

You are gorgeous, no doubt about it. And so is your daughter, but...

One would hope that having kids as young as you did, it made you mature rapidly, but the way you come a cross here makes me think otherwise. How is your relationship with your daughter, are you really a 'mom' or more of an 'older sister'? The way you wrote your question, with all the "so I'm like" and incohesive wording, makes me feel like YOU are the 16 year old, and an immature one with that. You shouldn't allow your child to be your rival, my guess is you have no dominance over her and that's why she doesn't respect you as a parent.

How does your partner behave? Does he carry a father role? After five years, it is allowed and even expected, you know. If you both act like, well, thirty year olds, it is hard for teenagers to respect you as parental figures.

[Confucius16]

I don't think the way the QA writes says anything about her maturity, but I do agree that having kids at such a young age is likely to make her kids less like kids, and more like rivals. Also, having had kids at such a young age might influence her daughter in some way. I didn't give you the negative votes, by the way.

[standUP]

This is interesting When I was married my step-daughter would show some flirtatious activity towards me only around extended family. This behavior was very uncomfortable and I could never get her to talk about this while alone. Other than telling her that behavior is not welcomed and you must knock it off. It makes you look a lot worse than you think.

She has mentioned before that she loves the way I talk to her mother and would like to have that someday. I only contributed that to the guys her age are not as open or secure. idk.

Other than that I have no idea why she did this.

Anyway you do need to have a sit down with your daughter. You two are very beautiful and it could be a power move. She is already playing games with her boyfriend.

just guessing her boyfriend maybe checking her you out possibly mentioning it to her about being a MILF. And so she try's to flirt with your man to repay the insecurity ? only a guess.

[Zzzzz]

sounds more like a sister-sister-relationship. you need to teach her a lesson. kids need to respect their parents. if you keep letting her get away with it, she'll keep being rude.

[kambo_trick3y]

Raise her better?

Show integrity and modesty by example?

[Anonymous]

She doesn't resent you or anything.

It must be that she lacks attention from your partner and that's what she's just craving.

[JamielovesKU]

Are you sure you're just not over thinking it?