I'm too vain to have children?

[Anonymous]

This is in "other" because it does not fully fit in any of the other categories.

First, I would like to make it clear that in most aspects of my personality, I am not vain. I am a very deep, very intuitive, very thoughtful individual. I am not shallow, for the most part, except in one area. I consider myself to be well rounded, and mature, and generous.

However, in one aspect of my life, I would consider myself very vain: My appearance.

I would like to make it quite clear that I do not consider myself God's gift to men by any means, and I do not consider myself to be beyond gorgeous or anything. I do consider myself to be decent in appearance, but not drop dead gorgeous.

However, I do consider myself to be in good shape. I am 5'4, 108 lbs. 32-23-32, which on my frame, is more of a banana shape than a full hour glass. I have a toned, defined stomach, but I'm not incredibly ripped; I have toned arms and legs and I do not have a muffin top or anything. I have a nice butt and bust, so I'm in no way rail thin. I do take a considerable amount of pride in my physical appearance.

I like how fit I am so much so that the thought of carrying a child, letting the pregnancy and birthing process take its toll on my body and then dealing with the child afterward just repulses me. I am simply not willing to let a child damage my body the way I've seen them do to other women, including my mother.

So in that aspect, I am very vain.

I've been told I am a disgrace to women everywhere because apparently, being a woman means you automatically want to have children. But I am simply too vain and unwilling to let my body endure that. I know my body is made to give birth and all and that that's its entire purpose, but I am too vain to let that happen.

These feelings, accompanied by the fact that I don't find any joy in children or feel any form of affection toward them makes me think that having children is just not for me.

In my family though, it's considered unheard of not to have children. I am a child of four, my father was a child of four, my mother was a child of four, my grandma on my dad's side was a child of nine...I have 18 first cousins who have all started having children of their own. It's just unheard of not to want kids.

Even my current boyfriend, whom I love dearly, wants children. But he's much larger than me (6.5 feet) and the thought of having his giant child (he was 10 lbs) growing inside me and ruining my body just sickens me.

So...am I a disgrace to women for not wanting kids? Am I truly vain? Your thoughts?

[JohnBelluci]

If you just want to feel better about yourself, instead of having a genuine and honest answer then don't read what's below...

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Not wanting children is not necessarily a bad thing especially when you don't think you could do a good job at it, for financial reasons, or because you think you don't have what it takes.

"These feelings, accompanied by the fact that I don't find any joy in children or feel any form of affection toward them makes me think that having children is just not for me. "

----> That's the only statement you made that is acceptable.

But for the rest (which seems to be like 80% of your justifications)... You give the most shallow, and disgusting reason ever.

It's not because you don't want kids in general.

It's because you don't want kids for a purely AESTHETIC reason... THAT is why you're a disgrace.

Imagine your mother not giving you birth just so she could admire her ass in the mirror for a few more years... How pathetic is that...think about it.

BESIDES, you need to realize something... You're a woman in your twenties. So in less than 20 years from now, YOUR BODY IS GONNA LOOK LIKE SHIT ANYWAY.

You could have given birth to what would become a successful young man or women during these 20 years...

" I do take a considerable amount of pride in my physical appearance. "

+

" I am a very deep "

----> There is no such thing as being deep while taking "considerable" pride in your physical appearance. Your body is just a piece of meat.

People have far more respect for human values like talent, education, intelligence, determination, courage, generosity, etc.

Your body will deteriorate with age. Your human values won't.

Even body builders who are all body aesthetics, we don't respect them because they look hot. We respect them because their body represents the amount of hard work they put in. It's their determination we respect. Not their body.

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So there you have it. I am not here to pick on you or be mean. I am not here to pressure into having kids you would not enjoy and therefore would not love and raise properly.

Like I said, if you don't feel up to the challenge, don't do it.

But you asked if you were vain and a disgrace considering YOUR SPECIFIC REASON for not wanting kids. The answer, in my opinion, is yes.

[Asker]

I know I am. The women in my family age very well though. My 87 year old grandmother looks 60, my 60 year old aunt looks 29...so it's not like my genetics will kick me in the ass in 20 years. I all ready look like I'm 15 instead of 20. And I genuinely hate children so...I don't want them.

[Anonymous]

You are not a disgrace and there is nothing wrong with choosing not to have kids, for whatever reason. Having kids is a huge undertaking that will change your life forever.

There are a lot of women who decide at your age not to have kids. But it is an inescapable fact that a very large subset of those women either change their mind at some point or live to regret their decision. Priorities change as we get older. The things that are important to us and bring us happiness and fulfillment change, significantly! All I'm saying is that you should kep an open mind. Best of luck whatever you do.

[heavenonearth]

No, you're not a disgrace to women for not wanting kids. You're a person and there's much more to you than your biology. You do sound kind of vain, but there are clearly other reasons you don't want them as well. And even if it is vain, it's important to you and you have to do what's right for you. It's your body and your life. The only thing I'd say is that if you're in a serious relationship with someone make sure he's aware of your views about having kids, because many people seem to want that.

[kereru]

I'll blunt, yes that is a shallow reason if that's the only thing holding you back from wanting kids, however, lots of women do not want or unsuited to raise kids, you shouldn't be made to feel ashamed because it's not your lifes most ardent desire to pop out babies.

lots of people have children for the wrong reasons and end being bad, unhappy parents, better to be honest with yourself than bow to societies expectations.

[likelyOK]

If you don’t want kids you don’t want kids just make sure you take EVery responsible action not to get pregnant and that is all that matters. You don’t really owe an explanation, just be honest with partners there are are plenty of men who don’t want kids.

[Anonymous]

You're not a disgrace. Some women go into adoption because they won't bear a child but nobody judges them. You should always uphold to your belief and don't mind what the society says.

[Anonymous]

If Jeniffer Garner can have kids, and still look like she never did...you can too!