His phone died and he couldn't charge it?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years now and we are both in our mid 20s. He has specifically said he sees a future with me and us growing old together and I feel the same, so we are pretty serious. He has a lot of stress right now in terms of part of his family's house being flooded and him having to build it back. He currently has to rebuild his room and bathroom alone as the finances don't allow him to hire someone and he also wants to accomplish this on his own. He is also a full time student. During the year he did not have much time to rebuild his room as he was studying and would often stay at my place for days on end since I live closer to his school. However this summer his goal is to finish his room before the fall semester starts. He wants me to understand that he will stay at home during the week so he can work and will spend Friday night and the weekend with me. He says it's too tiring and too much time to drive 45 min each way to my house every weeknight and then drive back to his house to work in the morning. I agreed to this and I figured I need to be reasonable. Here's the story:

He stayed over on Mon night and Tues morning I left for work. Before I left he asked me to charge his phone as it was dead. I plugged it in and left for work. The whole day I did not hear from him. He did not call or text. I understand he is busy working so I did not call or text either. He and I have discussed how sometimes when I call he May be in the middle of measuring something or putting up drywall etc. In the evening I needed his help badly around 8pm as my electricity went out and I didn't know what to do. I called and his phone went to voice mail. I textdd saying I needed his help, if he could please call. I didn't hear back all night. I couldn't sleep well and all I could think about was why is his phone dead/off? He texts me at 3am saying he went to a street car meet with his cousins. The meet was 1.5 hours from his house and his cousins came over to pick him up. He was not driving. He said he left his phone at home to charge as it was dead all day. There legit was a meet yesterday as I looked it up lol. But why wouldn't you charge your phone all day? wouldn't you think I would call or text or wouldn't he want to text me in the night? It just seems too convenient that his phone was dead. And you know it really might have been given that in the morning it was dead when I plugged it in for him. I guess he didn't let it charge all the way. But what your too busy to charge your phone alllllll day? What if I was in a legit accident or serious trouble, is he just not going to be there for me?

He does not always have his phone die, I know you will ask me thst. It usually happens when he stays over at my place because I have only one charger which I use for my phone. It happened last week too when he took his cousin out for his birthday. The same morning he was at my place cause he had stayed the night. I don't know what to feel except angry.

Updates

+1 y

thank you guys for all your responses. I have to say you helped me rationalize things a bit. I must admit, I complain A LOT according to him. We have a "talk" almost every frikin week about something. Even I'm tired of it, its something I have to work on. After he texted me at 3am saying his phone died and he just got home, I immediately called and complained as usual. He got pissed and went to sleep. I haven't heard from him yet ... its going to be 12 hours :(

[chrleebrwn]

This is going to be the best simple answer I can give you. I am on the outside looking in on this one. First off, phone batteries suck. They don't last as long as they use to, especially smart phones. Second, don't be so needy or suspicious. The way I look at relationships is like this. You cannot change any one any time. You can only change yourself. With this being said I can tell you that it is a little funny that he didn't "tell" you that he was going with his cousin to a car meet. This way you would know where or what he's doing. So...

A. He didn't want you to bother him because he knows you would trip (he wanted quality guys night out without any guilt trips about not staying with you and would deal with consequence the next day)

B. I don't buy the forgot the phone excuse because he could have used his cousins phone to call you on. (this is only if your relationship is at that level-2 years could or could not be there)

C. He's creeping. If this is the case you will see more funny (out of normal) behavior. Ask yourself how is your relationship? Are you Happy? Do you trust him? Does he treat you like you want to be treated? Is he happy? Can you be yourself? Is he being himself? Do you give each other necessary space to interact with the outside world? Remember that we all need something outside of our relationships to express ourselves. Hobby, friendships, etc...

[Asker]

I honestly don't see funny out of normal behavior. If anything he is wayy too busy and too broke to be able to see other women (however mean this may be). He is also really sweet and is trying to plan more things with me on the weekends and take me out. He is completely devoted to me on the weekends. Regarding using his cousins phone .. he would not do that knowing his personality. Plus I don't know his cousins well ... just hi, bye kinda thing. They know all about me though.

[Asker]

And no, we do not have enough space in the relationship. During the school year since his house flooded he has been with me at my place 24/7. He would go home but always come back in the night. We were pretty much living together. Since the summer, since he has time to rebuild his place he has been trying to stay at home as much as he can during the week. And he did show me his progress, its a lot of frikin work! The space during the week is hard and so communication becomes impt.

[windyCitysFinest]

I think you have this thing where you have to know what he is doing and where he is at all the time. That sounds like a trust issue you have. Lighten up or you will smother him and lose him it will happen if you don't stop that. You are dating not married he is entitled to his own space and guy time. You seem overbearing and it sounds like past relationships I have been in. Yeah the battery may have charged all the way somewhere throughout the day but when it is guys night out that's what you want it to be not nagging calls or texts you just want to enjoy that. Sounds like he had a blast you should be happy that he gets out and is not bound to you by a leash. There will come a time hopefully where you will understand that life is far better enjoyed when you do not fret the small things in life. If he continually did this yes I would be concerned but it sounds like something a guy would do if he went to hang out with his friends.

[Asker]

He said this to me tonight out of anger. He was out with his cousins again and I said that I really needed to see him. He got really mad and said I always do this and that I'm so needy etc. He texted:

Dude with all this sh*t you pull, it makes me not even want to see you. From the bottom of my heart, I'm really getting tired of your needyness." He said he really needs me to change.

[UberTroll]

Maybe it was in his car and he didn't feel like going out to get it earlier. Maybe he didn't realize it was dead until later. Maybe he lost it temporarily. Or maybe he just felt like not hearing his phone ring that day. It's not a crime to not charge your phone and unless he has a habit of ignoring your calls I wouldn't worry about it. FYI, if your power goes out first check your fuse box then call your power company. If you live on your own you have to be able to handle this stuff on your own, you can't rely on your boyfriend for everything.

[Asker]

yes, I do need to be more self sufficient and self reliant. I guess I felt like I am there for him whenever he needs it. I literally am. I have given so much, people say too much. that I expect that kind of attitude back. I don't know is that crazy? he is my first longggggg relationship so maybe I'm just a naive idiot.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like he needed a night out with the guys. I've lost my phone. I don't even check it most days... drives the guys I date nuts. I've had my phone die and not remember to charge it until 2 days later. You are making a drama out of nothing. Power goes out, you fix it. I've worked construction, it's a dead-tiring job. But I've also worked 16 hours and then stayed out most of the night. Sometimes you need some fun. Just give him some space because I'm willing to bet he let his phone die so he could have some space.

[Asker]

I'm trying to give him space. I really am. it's baby steps after all and I began with laying off the communication while he works during the day. He says he doesn't mind if I call or text but I still don't want to bug him. Yes I did think he maybe let it die on purpose so I don't call him. But that's kinda mean don't you think? Moreover he knows what I'm going through. My family has all moved away, thousands of miles away and I'm going through separation anxiety. I will admit it.

[Opinion Owner]

It's not mean, at least not to me. Then again, I only worry if I haven't heard from my other half (when I have one lol) in 4 days. Even if he knows what you are going through, my guess is that he still might feel like you're being a bit clingy.

[onemoreplease]

Sorry hun, but it sounds like you're making drama out of thin air. You didn't mention *any* reason to suspect your boyfriend is being untrustworthy and deceitful, but he *is* human and he's gonna do some dumb stuff once in awhile. There's nothing wrong with nicely telling him that you were wondering what happened to him when he didn't answer all day, but leave the anger out of it. If he's a good guy, he deserves the benefit of the doubt.

[Asker]

you are all right. I am making drama. but I can't help but wonder 1) why he is not too tired after working all day to go to a car meet till 3am but it is too difficult to come over to my place at least once during weeknights? and 2) how hard is it to charge ones phone? do you not find it a convenient excuse?

[madhatters4]

explain the situation. In one respect yes if you are truly in a bind you should be able to reach him but at the same time his phone died for a night and he forgot to charge it, so if I'm a judge I'd say I'd chalk this up to sh*tty circumstances. If this were a consistent issue, of him not being available, then I could understand you drawing the conclusion "he is just not going to be there for me" but considering that it happened once it seems like you are jumping to conclusions.

I'd say explain how you were concerned. tell him kindly patiently that you hope he will be better about keeping his phone charged because you love him and would hope to be able to reach him or vice versa in the case of an emergency

[islands7]

Gee, buy a new battery + charger, the money lost will be worth the savings in emotions

Don't they make a spare battery charger employed w/o a phone attached?

[Anonymous]

talk to him and tell him you need honesty, look into his eyes and if you really know him you will know if he's telling you the truth or not. but don't waste all the time you have been with him without actual proof.

[Asker]

I don't think he cheated or anything. It's just the silence which drives me nuts. It's been frikin 2 years and he knows I like to communicate at least once a day. We discussed it and agreed on it. I guess once in a while tho he really needs to be alone. Then I guess I have the right to do the same?

[Dealinginreality]

You are full of drama, and he is pulling away from you. The phone died excuse? That is lame, and he was most likely with his guy friends, or with another girl.

[Anonymous]

i think you should give him the benefit of the doubt, stop making drama

[Anonymous]

Try loosening the leash around his neck.

[Asker]

a 2 year relationship is a commitment. Saying you wanna grow old with me is heavy stuff and I won't be taken for granted. I'm not expecting him to text me 24/7 or come over every day. Just don't say things like, I'm too tired to come over. I'd rather hear, I don't feel like coming over. The truth is just always more refreshing than a stale cover. But yes I do expect communication daily and he knows it and agreed to it. If I'm gonna work on my sh*t in the relationship he better work on his.

[Opinion Owner]

You are suffocating him so he is afraid to be real. You are doing your side wrong if someone can't tell you things. I had this happen to me. You need to be accessible and understanding.

[Asker]

Hmmm you're right. Any advice on how I can improve my side of things? I could use it.

[Opinion Owner]

Its about empathy - take every situation from his experience and personal lens. The more you learn, the more you can form around his expected response. Anytime it doesn't end up how you want, make a slight adjustment and see where it takes u. It's all about experimenting and learning.