Why is she acting distant all of a sudden?

[Anonymous]

I have a female friend I've known for 3 years. I went away for 2 years and when I came back she was so affectionate to me. I have always wanted to be more than friends with her so I asked her for a date to which she happily agreed. I came to see her every night at the club she works at. We spent a lot of time with each other there, hanging out, holding hands. Stuff you don't do as friends. As I was leaving the club one night she asked me to take her home, to my home, but not to try anything. I agreed not to try anything but I took her to a hotel because I have room mates. I didn't try anything, she did and something happened.

I still like the girl, but now when I come to see her, she is very distant to me, hardly even speaks to me now. I know she is having some personal issues, she has to find a place to live, go to court over her kids. But all the other male friends she has she still treats them as she always has. I asked her if we are ever going to go out, she still says yes, but she has to get a home first, I didn't know what that has to do with me or dating? She knew I wanted to date her, so staying the night with me and starting something sexually with me could not have been an accident or something unexpected? I don't understand what I did wrong, or what to do now? It's been two weeks since it happened and this is also when she found out she has to move. But why would her attitude change only towards me? I try to help her, try to give her tips, she doesn't want tips from me because we are friends, but she lets other male friends tip her. Can anyone advise me to what I did, or what to do now?

Updates

+1 y

Any opinions from the women?

[Mystique01]

So you said that "something" happened. What was that "something"? Did you two have sex or not? To me that night seemed to be the turning point in your relationship with her. So whatever that "something" was, it is now what is causing the new-found "distance".

She could be very overwhelmed with life right now and may not want to start a new relationship w/you or any guy for that matter at the present moment.

OR...she could have realized that she felt she was using you and her feelings for you aren't quite as high as your feelings for her are. I don't care how "low" I'm feeling. If a guy friend that I was INTO offered to help pay for some things or help me out in some of my problems, I would try to politely decline, but eventually I would ALLOW him to help me. I would only act distant or decline an offer for help from a male friend if I felt that he liked me a lot and I didn't reciprocate those feelings. :(

Sorry...that's the only thing I could think of...

[homer]

I agree with Lovebird's observation completely. To add another point, I would recommend you helping her out with her moving. Find a list of apartments, go with her when she is apartment hunting and so forth. I think you guys have passed a threshold in your relationship from her perspective, but having too many things going on with her in her life is preventing her to fully pursue a relationship with you.

In another perspective, she might have just been looking for a moment of relief from all the issues in her life and might have selected you as her company. Whether she wants to pursue something more in this perspective could be a slimmer possibility.

If you like her as you say you do, you gotta be patient, not selfish and help her with her issues first. Does it always payback? No, but it makes you a better person anyway.

[Asker]

Thanks, I tried to help her look for a place and even help her with a down payment. She says she doesn't want me to do that, because we are friends. I did ask her if I was just a booty call the next day, and I got a cold stare so I didn't ask again.

[homer]

Cold stare sounds like she didn't think of you as a booty call, which is a good thing. Helping to look for a place or with the down payment is, however, what friends do. And I can understand her turning down the payment but it looks like she wants a very slow transition into the new stage of your relationship, if she wants one at all. I would recommend to give her the distance she wants while still casually keeping in touch.

[MartialArtsManiac]

There could be a lot of reasons to this. At first I thought maybe she was upset with you in that when she asked you not to try anything, something still happened, which she inadvertently ended up blaming on you. But then I read further into what you had to say.

Personally to me it sounds like she has a lot of things on her plate and she's trying to do the responsible thing and get her life in order before she invites anyone new into her life in a romantic manner. As I've heard and read in many various different places, if you want a relationship to work y ou have to fix yourself before going to look for someone else.

Hopefully that's all she's doing.

[lovebird01]

It doesn't really sound like you did anything wrong. Based on what you said, she sounds like she is a little overwhelmed in her personal life. Maybe she realizes that she started something with you, and is not quite ready to continue it, and go forward. I would keep talking to her, and give her a little space, until she solves some of her problems.