Many women may also like looking at men much younger than themselves. In my area many women of all ages have "Hen Parties" where they have male strippers [who may be in the twenties] to entertain them, they may be your age or older ...
both genders may be drawn to admiring the opposite sex of a younger age.
The fact is that although with age we may have the appearance of that age [however attractive] many of us, in our hearts, feel the same as when we were, say, 21 - but with a mature range of experience and wisdom underpinning that. I am surprised every day to see a face of my years staring back.
If I stand in an art gallery and look at a painting depicting a young woman alive and alluring I don't look away, I revel in her pleasant form - her looking forward to all life can offer, the fact that innocence has been left behind with teenage years but she is aware of herself as a free spirited woman. I have a statuette of lady which I enjoy ... I have a picture of ladies about my age having a good laugh which makes me smile ...
There is a construct which many women build about men ... that once they are in a relationship suddenly no woman need be attractive to them ... only their significant other. This is a myth and however many men might refute this to their wives I have never known one man who will not enjoy the sight of a comely woman but they all say "but don't tell the wife eh?"
I once worked in an office with a few middle aged ladies amongst us, there were some roadworks outside one hot summer, the more the workpeople doffed their upper body clothes the more those women found it necessary to talk by the window, or to take papers there to see the fine print more easily ... they were ogling non-stop but spoke in guilty voices. However ... when we enjoyed a look at our Pirelli calendar these same ladies accused us of bringing Smut Into The Workplace!
I could not say what your man is thinking as I do not know how open minded he is, but to me it shows a healthier attitude if he knows you are aware then if he was doing this as a closet activity.
Before the internet? We men had a painting of a scantily clad lady over the mantleshelf in our library or a statuette in the corner of our study ... the magazine bought in confidence from the barber ... t'was ever thus!
He is remembering his youth, and reflecting on a time when that age group found him attractive. Men are visual, we have huge egos, and we are hunters. He will always want to look, and he will always want to sniff. You are safe as long as he does not become a pointer, or a tracker. Let him enjoy the pictures, and be there to enjoy the ride when his bone is ready. In fact, blow his mind and suggest some porn sites, and tell him you will be expecting some extra effort on his part towards you after he has watched. Red TUBE is a good one and it is free.
The dangerous part of this is he is risking that you might decide to find attention from another source, and you are more likely to have what would attract what you would find, where he is not nearly as likely to get lucky with the girls he is web surfing.
Men who cheat, do it if they think they can get away with it. Women who cheat, do it because the men they love are not paying enough attention to their basic needs to be loved, held and appreciated.
Good Luck,
James
gosh, many men are that way. Particularly I find when men are in their midlife crisis, they would do those nonsense things. Why?, to feel young, to escape the reality of being mature (I would avoid the word old as I believe 50ish is not old in my book). Remember when he looks at them, he probably thinks of himself when he was young, strong and would imagine those girls are head over heel for him.
I do not have this problem with my husband. But my cousin (male cousin) is the worse on this. He is in his 60ish, and he went to cafe bar where the waitresses wear hardly anything (see through shirts and pants, ...yes, believe me) and they are in there 20ish. Can you believe that?
I tell you another story, my ex-fiance when we were in our 20ish, he loved me dearly he said so all the time and I believe him till this date. Yet, he opened zillion social network accounts, collected zillion girls pictures, store dozen of girls cell numbers, chatted with them and even met them in person behind my back. When I caught him, he could not explain and kept running around my questions, giving me all BS lame answers and even tried to blame me as my head is not "clean" and that he did all those things but it mean nothing. Of course we broke off. After we broke off, he got him self drunk to near death, lost his job and kept IM me every 2, 3 months wanting me back. he Kept saying he is emptied inside, and dead inside without me and had been praying for me to come back. Can you understand this behavior?, I could not and I still can't. He loved me, but why did all that risking the love of his life? I think some men need to do such things to prove his power and that he is wanted and loved by women (one is not enough) even tho I was the only one he really loved and cared for.
I think there is some defect in some of these men's gene...He struggled with his life for 2 years after the breaking up... I left and never wanted to look back... I was so painful for a year and finally moved on.
What is he thinking of when he looks at these younger women? He's thinking about exactly what you think he is thinking about. I think that it can be healthy (as long as he is just "looking" at them and the women are of age). Men are very sexual and it has nothing to do with you or whether he finds you attractive or sexy (considering you are still keeping yourself up). It is the difference between women and men that has been the same from their teenage years it doesn't just go away as they get older (if anything it may be more intense). They only try harder to conceal it as they get older because they don't want to be looked at as a pervert but they have a healthy interest in sexy women. They all will do it (take a peek) and if that is all that he is displaying, I wouldn't worry about it. I am not saying that any of this behavior is really okay with us but just know that it has nothing to do with you and it doesn't take any of his love away from you.
Just think about it this way, on girls night out we are looking at younger guys while joking around with our friends about what we would do with that. We are only joking but we are not looking at a 60 year old man saying...ooooh, he makes me hot (physically). It's all just a natural process that go thru as we get to the point in life that we may not be able to have what we think we want. Same thing for him, there is no young girls out there thinking about him sexually so it is safer to look at them on the internet without any rejection or criticism. It's safe. Hope this helps! Love & Peace!
Reading through this entire chain, I'll say this... many give arguments that it's only looking, no big deal, etc. That's really the lesser point.
The bigger point is that he must be doing this in very obvious ways for you to notice and ask this question. That is disrespectful. I watch porn, I like to look at hot men, look at their packages, etc. But I don't do this or comment on it in front of my boyfriend. Plus if you have children (hopefully not daughters), this would seriously be disturbing to them.
Further, the other big point is whether or not his doing so is taking away from your sex life, such that he's neglecting to have sex with you because he's getting the majority of his satisfaction elsewhere. That's also a problem; I had a major issue in another relationship where I felt like the guy I was with preferred porn to me - he was very obvious about his habits, and I started to feel unsatisfied and neglected. Again, I watch porn, but I'd much rather have real sex with my bf; it's more of a backup when I'm home alone for a while and horny.
When I'm in my 50's, no doubt I'll find younger twenty something men to be very attractive. But you can bet I won't obviously be checking them out or looking at pictures of them in front of my hubby, and I won't be neglecting my sex life with my hubby.
Opinion
84Opinion
Dear Women.
Guys look at porn (almost all of us). When we do, we do NOT think about the girls personality. We don't think about having a date with them. We don't think having an affair.
We think about t*ts, ass, etc.
If you catch us looking at porn and you don't like it, BEFORE you feel hurt realise the following.
1: We still love you as our girlfriend/partner/wife.
2: We aren't looking because we don't want to have sex with you. Sex and masturbation are different.
3: The porn has no relationship towards our feelings for you in one way or another
4: We've been doing this for years, since we were young teens.
-------------------------------
I've answered a number of these questions (all pretty similar), and time and time again the female's response/question is "Why is he looking at porn, doesn't he love me"?
So I hope I can make it perfectly clear. Almost all (not all, but I dare say most) males masturbate and probably look at porn (or some other visual stimulant). This is NOT a cause for alarm. Masturbation and sex are two different things and there are many studies that show masturbation levels do not diminish once in a relationship.
If you have concerns about your relationship, speak to your partner about it. If you have concerns about his masturbation/porn, again speak to them. But please keep in mind what I wrote above. It is not a reflection upon you in any way.
There's a couple points to make about this situation.
First, consider the evolutionary aspect - procreation of the species... If a man's role is to provide security and financial/emotional stability for the family, then his evolutionary worth increases as he gets older (to a certain point). A man typically earns more per year as his skill and education increases. Lets say this optimal range is 25-50 just for kicks.
If a woman's role in evolution is to "pop one out", then her evolutionary worth kicks in just after puberty and fades off with time. The sooner she starts popping them out, the better potential for the offspring to survive and flourish.
So, if you believe all that, it's completely natural for a older guy to lust after a younger woman - the optimal fertile subject.
Now for part two. A funny thing happens to a guy when he gets older. No longer does he want to deal with the immature drama a younger woman brings to the table. He's heard it all, been there, and done that. He begins to truly appreciate the warm companionship his woman his woman has given him and can foresee the many more years of the same.
So the natural biological condition of his maleness demands that he remain in the mindset of procreation, thus, he lusts after young women. A good man will remain faithful companion, but forever an optimistic preditor. (LOL)
If you know your man is faithful and honest with you about his desire and activities, I *DARE* you to take a chance and point out a couple of *hotties* some time during your time out with him... then remind him of them the next time you're being intimate.
I'm going to venture a guess that you'll receive a session that will knock your socks off like it did when you first started dating... and all it took was giving him the opportunity to fantasize, guilt free, about something he thinks about anyway.
Well, first, he's masturbating because he has a heartbeat. There are exceptions, but broadly, that's what guys do. Masturbating isn't something guys do because they're unsatisfied with their partner(s) at all -- whatever women tend to think about this, in your average guy's mind the two are entirely separate subjects. One is about love and companionship and sex. The other is about anatomy and jiggly things and sex -- no personality, no moods, no being considerate required. Most importantly: no emotion. It's a separate thing in all the ways that count.
Second, he's masturbating over younger women because 95% of the porn out there is of women who are 18-22. If he doesn't make an extra-special effort to find "specialty sites" that deal in older women then it's going to default to young women. Not coincidentally, they also look the best. If they happen to be his daughter's age, then so what? They were hot when he was that age too, and chances are his opinion hasn't changed. There's no threshold in life where a guy starts saying, "Firm, ripe boobs? Ew!"
This does not connect with cheating, or with you not "being enough" for him, or anything like that. Guys don't think like that. Weird as it may sound to a woman, emotionless sex energizes guys in a way that women may not (or maybe may?) understand. Getting off and making love are both important. Guys are happiest when they get off regularly...and then make love regularly too!
I think there are two separate problems.
First, your husband looking at women online. Second, how you feel about him looking at other women online.
We all look at other people. I don't mean men only, either. We can love and cherish our partner, and _never_ want to cheat. But we notice other people we find attractive. It's normal to notice others. I _don't_ necessarily mean that it's okay to look at porn or Playboy. I don't mean that it's okay to indulge in fantasies that take us out of the real world. I think that normal noticing of others can be unhealthy, whether it's a man who can't get it up without looking at porn, or a woman whose opinion of men is influenced by the romantic comedy movies she watches four times a week.
Are you more worried about the _age_ of the women he's looking at, or are you more bothered by the fact that he's looking at other women, period? How would you feel if he were looking at women who were roughly your age? Or are you worried that you're not enough? Or am I missing the point?
Would it surprise you or would you question if a 18-22 year old guy was also looking at images of "Mature say 30-50" year old women on the internet? There are plenty of younger guys that have an interest in the "Mature - MILF" genre. Does that raise any eye brows? I'm in my early 30's and certainly enjoy both genres of younger and older. As a matter of fact I enjoy women of all legal ages. (mostly anyway).
I had an ex that questioned me looking at 18-22 females but had no problem with the fact that I also looked at (mature / milf) images also. Didn't make sense to me. The fact is our fantasies are built on things we don't have, can't have or simply won't have.
Most women would think, "He's looking at something I'm not, so I guess I'm not enough for him." Which is a legit feeling and in some cases that might be true. But, in most cases you probably are enough for him and it's just harmless fantasies that he is charging with pictures of younger women.
I'd say not to worry about it too much unless you find him talking to younger girls, seeing younger girls or spending time with younger girls. They are just images.
Sexual fantasies I guess. Or just beauty. Is he jacking off. Honestly there is nothing wrong with that as long as it is not taking away from his life or yours. They are not actual people they are images of actual people. The truth of the matter is girls remain pretty even as we get older. I am 20 and I see a lot of fourteen fifteen year old girls that are pretty and have been through puberty. I am no pervert I don't have relationships with them other than friendly and I try my best to have self control and not look at them in a sexual way. But instinct is instinct. Its sort of like this. Have you ever been so mad at someone maybe even a friend or a loved one and thought or even said oh I just want to kill him/her. You never meant that, you would never do that. It was just a feeling and even Gandhi probably felt like hitting people at times, but he didn't and I don't think your husband will do anything more than look. And pictures will never be a replacement for the real thing. I think part of the problem is mens natural instinct is to like variety. Even if a man was married to the most beautiful sexy women in the world he would find other women attractive and think about them sometimes.
i mean guys his age and all ages always love younger girls because part of it is not wanting to grow up which all guys, and women I think don't wanna get old. so it makes em feel young and alive. guys love the idea of seeing a beautiful young girl next door type being wild and having hot sex...hes living vicariously through the guys on the porn having sex with the girls. he wants to be that guy. its a huge turn on for all guys seeing young hot girls having hot sex. I don't know y but it just does. if you were a guy you would understand. I'm not a counselor and all, but its not a healhty sign if he's looking at this stuff a lot and ur marriage is in jeopardy.
either you are not being sexual with him like porn girls r...but I would confront him bout it and give him an ultimatum. either start being wild and kinky or spice up your image. bottom line hell probly never give up porn no matter what even if he did land one of these little hot girls and was having sex with her hell still look at porn so don't fight it.
but ya id definteily go see a counselor and work thins out.
After looking at all the other answers, I think it is important to remember men's sexual experiencs that have programmed them for the rest of their life. Young boys learn early on the power of a sexual image to stimulate them to orgasm. This is an experience that they carry with them for the rest of their lives and forms their adult sexual preferences and habits. Even when they are adults and are in a wonderful relationship, they still carry those experiences with them. Does it make them bad or untrustworthy? No. It is just how they have been trained to stimulate themselves. It doesn't make them monsters or horrible husbands, unless they cross these lines:
1) He masturbates to orgasm by watching porn, thus denying you satisfaction and pleasure.
2) He starts communicating with real people for sexual gratification
3) He starts looking at child porn, which is definitely crossing the line of social acceptability
4) He becomes Obsessed with porn
Other than that, I think he is just a pretty normal guy. I think it is also good to remember that if he is getting older too, then he might have trouble maintaining an erection, which can be a very distressing issue for a man. So he might be trying to find that extra stimulation so he can maintain an erection. Just a thought!
I am sure you are very attractice and all, but men masturbate. And that is how it is. THAT"S REALITY! Men have, and always will masturbate. Even when they have a woman who is more than happy to get them off.
It truly frustrates me how many women take a man masturbating to porn personally. Porn is Porn. And as another reply stated, most of the girls in internet porn are 18-22 years old.
My wife used to get upset/jealous because I would get off to internet porn. I gues she forgot that she used to masturbate when she was younger too. But for a man, like me or your husband, we like masturbaing.
Our woman's vagina, mouth and hand does feel great to us. But for a man, masturbation has the same effect on our penis and mind as comfort food has on our tummies.
CAN'T A MAN JUST JACK HIMSELF OFF TO SOME PORN ANYMORE?
Why is it such a taboo?
Oh, post a pic and we can tell you how hot you are...
PS - How would you feel if you knew some guy (not your hubby) was jacking off looking at you pic? Be honest.
Frankly, he's sad. He has a problem. He's addicted to the sense of endorphines humans get when they embark on a new realtionship. Its an unhealthy thing that big business trys to convince us is "just a bit of fun".
People get into these bad patterns in youth and some people just don't grow up because their bad behaviours are supported and not challenged.
Anytime, anyone is looking at porn its to fill a void in their life (same as with drugs). Someone leading a normal and healthy fulfilling life shouldn't be using porn.
Having said that, sometimes its our partners which drive us to it. I've heard plenty of people be turned down by their wives when they wanted sex (this can lead to infidelity or porn use). In a healthy, monogonous relationship, a partner should always come to the other partner for any sexual need.
Porn can be ok, if both partners share a "thrill" for it together though. Though for such people I would just recommend swinging or some similar human centric sexual activity.
Then people are people. Some people thrive on their so called "freedoms" and I'm fine with that. Just as long as they don't try and have a monogonous relationship whilst fantasising over other partners.
I'm 22 and my dad is around your husbands age. So this is just really wrong. All he's thinking when he looks at them is that he wants to have sex with them. That's it. Just tell him to stop and talk to him about it. Put your foot down. Maybe he could just buy magazines as they're more soft core than the weird stuff on the internet. If I were you, I would log onto his computer and see what stuff (if any) he's downloaded and what sites he's visited when he's not home. He's not going to tell you what he's looking at but like someone else has said, he could be viewing child porn for all you know. I know that snooping is a bit dodgy but just do it because if you ask to see his computer, he'll just wipe all the stuff off his computer. I have older men chat me up and its excruciating. How do you know that he's not cheating on you?
It is a habit but its affecting your marriage very badly so he must stop. I know men like porn, I can put up with a few magazines stashed away but he's on the internet all the time its serious and bad! He's not valuing you with respect by watching porn all the time. I think the soft core magazines could be a solution but to be honest he just sounds like a pervy old man to me. No nice older man chats me up, its always the ones who probably have wife and kids at home or just want a one night stand. If he wanted you, he would spend the time he's watching porn with you. You say you're pretty and in good shape so its just odd that he would want a movie instead of the real thing!
The same thing I am thinking while enjoying looking at young firm well endowed men 18-22---woo hoo wish I could have some of that! Men think women are not visual---so wrong! Take some time and puruse the cornicopica of firm well endowed young men and imagine what you would like to teach these innocent young boys! They are much firmer than your husband, face it, and though men would like to believe we are concerned with power and wealth only they are so dead wrong---wishful thinking on their parts---our little secret though---wouldn't hurt him to know you are enjoying the fine young men out there---might even make him think---and you will be surprised that he may feel a little threatened---its really quite fun--we women are just as visual and like this firm young flesh---so ladies, perv away----its fun and you may end up liking it morew than you ever thought :) We love to look at naked young men as much as men like to look at thelittle girlies---the more you do it---the more you like it----watching them masturbate is hot too!
That is a bit odd. Although I do believe most men continue to stare at women we'll into an old ripe age, doing it on the net sounds a bit creepy. I often remember my ex pointing out girls and asking me if I thought one was cute or not, and I was pretty honest. But I remained faithful, I would never act or have any impulse to seek the girl I'm casually staring at. Especially if I'm with someone. I do think he's trying to remember his youth. But if he's looking at even younger girls, or full blown porn, then you might have a problem.
I read many of the answers here and usually most are in favor of his actions, and so am I, only slightly. As long as he remains faithful to you, loves you, and he doesn't act on his impulse's, then he's a good man in my book. Do however, let him know how you feel when he does this. It's natural to want to find the reason, and you'll only grow more frustrated if you don't.
I am 51 and male. I am no longer married. My wife had issues that I should only look at her, but all I did was only look. I had no interest in being with another woman. I think that the one thing why women fix themselves up, is to try to look pretty. I don't think women do that to have an affair with another man. As for men, some of us do not look for an affair either, but we do like to look. When you see him look, try doing something different. Sit down with him and play temporary lesbian. Say, wow, this ones cute, or she needs more make-up. You will find he will tire of pictures and want you, if all is well in the bedroom.
Men like porn. It's simple. Unless he is exchanging pictures with someone personally or getting people to send him pics of themselves you should have no worry.
It doesn't mean you don't look good, it means he also likes the way younger women look. Guys look at different kinds of porn ... one day it's asian women, the next it's older women the next it's college co-eds. He likes them all. Same as just because he looks at young porn models, doesn't mean he still doesn't think you look good.
Crazy analogy, but it makes sense in my mind. Until he gives you signs something is going on, it's probably just normal, male behavior.
Men like younger women, because in psychology, youth sybolises fertility, and strength and nurturing.
most men are less attracted to a woman, as she gets older, and even more so once she's past her prime.
with a man, an older man can see seen as attractive because with a man, age isn't a symbol of fertility. We provide the resources and the safety.
All mens hormones, program them to be very attracted you young females. And this is all guys not just some. Some men like older women, but not after she is past her prime which is about 40-45. You'll see guys looking at the olsen twins etc, but never at elizabeth taylor.
thats just the way it is.
Just see yourself as lucky that he manages to fight those urges to fool around with a younger girl.
"Boys will be boys" only begins to tell the story. The real issue here is not that he looks at women, but that he looks at significantly younger women. The explanation for this is dead-easy. Just think about how old he'll have been when he was most "on his game" and when his hormones were least in check. Every man is going to hold the fondest sexual memories of the time when he was the most sexually 'in his element'. It might not be pleasant for you, but it shouldn't be entierly surprising either.
Are you having sex regularly? Does he seem bored with it? Sometimes we tend to fall into a routine. Try something new (that you're comfortable with). A new lube, some fun pj's that have a pit of pizazz to them... something to mix it up. Maybe use a couple of his own ties to restrain him to the bed. I'm sure that would get his attention! Let him know that even though you're not those girls he's looking at, you're a real, breathing woman who can please him.
Men are visual, but I can understand you're hurt. Confront him on it, and try to reach an understanding. He may also be in denial that he's getting older. Which means that he's sensitive about his virility. Men at all stages in life are concerned about that. Let him know that he's still a man's man, and that he makes you feel like a real woman.
Best of luck!
as gross as it may seem to you, it obviously turns him on sexually. it doesn't mean he thinks any differently of you. if it isn't affecting anything in your relationship besides you being worried about it then I would just let it go. if he isn't sexual with you then I think it constitutes a problem.
it is beyond mens control whether they find themselves sexually attracted to young girl like you mentioned. the pinnacle of sexually for most men is the image of a young woman's body. it doesn;t mean that older women aren't sexy and attractive, but there is a certain thing they can't deliver on sexually and that is purely that they aren't young and fresh. no matter how old they are men will never stop being turned on sexually to the thought of a sexy young woman. I would accept this if I were you. what harm is it if it is just porn and he is faithful and still sexual with you?
No matter how well we age we simply do not look the same as we did in our early 20's. There is a different look that we all have in our 20's and it can be physically attractive and desirable to look at but that is where it ends. Most of us would tire quickly of actually being with someone that much younger. To me this is no different than wondering when you are in your 20's why your man is looking at other women at all. They do it, it is part of their sexuality and not a sign they are unhappy with their partner.
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