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| Posted 6 months ago |
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My Life As A Hopeless Romantic
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I've never been the type of guy to try to get the most gorgeous girl, or the most popular one, even though sometimes i do think i deserve it. I've been told i'm cute, compassionate, sweet and caring, and one of the best all around people a girl could meet. But I have never held a steady relationship for more than half a year. Its more of a disease than an classification, I'm a hopeless romantic. You know those fairy tales that always end in happiness and those movies where the guy always gets the girl. Yeah i always dreamed of my life being like that but after sacrificing all I have just to find one special one that feels as much in love with me as I do with them has been a hard journey.
The second most recent experience I had was confusing. Me at the age of 21 adopting in 2 kids of my new girlfriend. It was like I was trying to be the hero, helping her take care of her kids, falling more and more for her daily, as she was feeling the same. Battling endlessly with her condition, a single mother at the age of 20, while suffering battered womans syndrome and post partem depression. I thought it was a great time for me to settle down, even though those kids were not my own, i took them in as they were mine. It made me think crazily, I use to drive coupes, and one day i decided i would trade in my car for a 4 door, so i can fit the kids in the back, or put in a baby seat. Crazy things i would do just to make all 3 of them smile. Sadly it wasn't right for me, there is no love in a relationship with a person thats been that damaged.
Which brings me to the most recent activity in the love bleeding heart of mine. I met this girl through my friends, it was one of their birthdays, i thought she was cute, and one of them told me she was a good girl and if i was interested i should go for her. So i said why not I pursued, Quickly finding out that we had a lot in common and i realized I'm starting to like her a lot. Time goes by, and i find out she has been damaged by her ex of 4 years. She was taken advantage of and beat by him. I felt like Robin Hood, saving the day, driving what seemed like to be endlessly forever just to console her. I was there for whenever she needed someone to talk to, someone to hold, and someone to just be there. I thought it paid off, we hooked up and i felt our feelings for each other growing. But one day i felt the love stop from her, it was like a chilling breeze on a warm summer day. The cold shoulder, that night i asked god, please give me a sign if we have anything in the future together. I should've listen to the sign, i was driving down the expressway and a picture of her i keep in my car, zips out the window and is lost in the wind. I wouldn't believe it, and i didn't want to. She was throwing signs again after a while. I felt us growing again, but in the end i was the last one to find out that she has gone back with her scumbag of an ex. Just heartbreaking. I remember clearly the first thing someone said to me "How's it feel to be scumbagged." Its not a nice feeling at all. All i have left are memories of us holding each other, kissing and the final letter she wrote to me, saying she wanted to like me and wanted to be with me because she knew i would make her happy. But i guess im too nice of a guy to beat her and take advantage of her. Do nice guys always finish last? Makes you think...
It is not easy being like this, when all you want to do is give your heart, all of it! to one special person. I've only figured a few things out of my life experience but the same results happen over and over again, because its my dumb nature. I want it to be a fairy tale romance, but im starting to think there is no such thing. But as a future reference for myself: If I have to chase her down and impress her, i'm already one step behind.
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