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| Posted 4 months ago |
Views 11 |
Comments 1 |
Category Flirting |
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A Glimpse Into The Mind Of A Socialite
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I've been around the world. I've seen and touched things that many will never experience in their life time, yet the world at times is empty. It's a desolate place with no laughter an endless abyss where the days and weeks drag on. What made me come to this point? I just sit on the edge wishing I could jump, but not having enough courage to take the plunge. I used to be happy. I was one of those girls who walked into the room and became the life of the party. I spent every waking moment with friends or social obligations. I was a "contribution to the community" as one newspaper put it after I broke the record for most volunteer hours for the town I lived in. I was fun, attractive, affluent, and desirable. I finally woke up one day and that girl was gone. Where did she go, I just don't understand? I still wake up every morning I hang out with friends, volunteer, play sports. I do all of this smiling and laughing, but behind the mask there is no joy ,only screaming for someone to realize I'm not happy, I am not Ok. My entire life I have been looked at and inspected. I was expected to behave and act a certain way. My father is an important man in his career area. He's won many awards and has been celebrated and honored many times. As his daughter people look at me and tell their children to aspire to the level I am at. My mother is what you might call a socialite. She comes from good stalk in Oklahoma. Putting it delicately she's never wanted for anything. She's very important in the community and society. Again I have no choice but to act a certain way and meet certain criteria. From the moment I was born my future was chosen for me. I'm going to an ivy league school to study law. I will then become either a corporate lawyer or a criminal defense attorney. I am allowed to pick my school and the type of lawyer based on the two choices. After four years in the working world. I will come home to Oklahoma and marry one of my mother's best friends sons. She has twin sons very handsome young men who seem charming. We've been pushed into play dates since I was little. I guess it isn't a bad future. I won't ever lack for anything. The problem I have is that unlike everyone I don't have a choice. I owe my parents everything. I think I should finally admit my horrible little secret. From the time I was twelve I was in and out of the hospital for several testinal blockage. At thirteen I had a colonoscopy and it was discovered I have a rare form of cancer. No one besides my immediate family knows. My mother won't even tell her best friend. I go to chemotherapy once a month and no one ever finds out. My world has grown black. I used to want the life my parents were ready to provide for me. I wanted a well off life. I didn't look at them as controlling. I understood them not telling anyone about my condition; they didn't want sympathy and they only wanted the best life for me. I finally realized that I just wanted to explore my own life and make my own mistakes. I want to live every day to the fullest and grab life my the hand and never let go.
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