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| Posted 7 months ago |
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A Story
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One day in a world that existed at one point in time, lived a boy. inside of this boy was a flesh eating virus breeding and multiplying making the boy a living a ticking time bomb, however, this boy has nothing to do with this story. thousands of galaxies away, past the ruins of earth [now inhabited by crab monsters] lived a girl, some say, the ugliest girl in the universe. She ruled her planet with an iron fist and smote those who dare speak against her. Her anger was curbed only by her lust for various delicious bird embryos, yes, as you guessed it, the evil queen is your real life parrot in disguise. And as you probably guessed, this story is not about your parrot either. What is this story about you ask? Who knows? Not even I who write it knows of the wonders, the mind blowing knowledge contained in this simple writing. It is a story of virtuous heroins, brave men, and sacrifice. Of love, honor, war and strife. A tale of peril, danger, and mystery. At this point, you must be wondering, "But the author said they knew not what this writing contained, -blah blah-" To that I must reply, I KNOW EVERYTHING, everything that ever happened ever. The egg was first, the chicken came out of it, then laid some more. Now you know. What killed the dinosaurs? I did! know you know.
Chapter one:
In the beginning there was nothing, then nothing exploded when god sneezed and everything came out of it. Blar 19:12
Out of nothing grew rainbow trees and coconut people, the people of course fell from the trees themselves, and that, is where babies come from.
Chapter Two:
When I was, a young boy, my father, took me into the city, to work in a sweatshop so he could support his various habits. On the day of my escape I discovered that I wasn't a boy at all, I had grown up into a strong, muscular woman. Later I would discover I could use my strong womanly chin to fight crime, but that is a story for another day.
Chapter Three:
Under these circumstance, prince Darthum Dodimanidiot, could not work. He needed the quite of the countryside in order to finish the rambling novel that read as though written by a three year old, the novel, that I would one day undoubtedly steal, as, unbeknown to the prince, contained all the secrets of the universe.
With all haste the prince road toward the countryside. A light refreshing rain started to fall, and there was once again joy in the kingdom of Narothas.
Chapter Eight:
I sat alone, friendless and full of regret, what had my lust for power truly won me? Nothing. It was then that I recalled verse 12 from chapter 19 of the book of Blar,
"In the beginning there was nothing, then nothing exploded when god sneezed and everything came out of it."
I finally understood that with nothing, I had everything ever. A light came out of the darkness, and some crazy elf with a sword tried to tell me I was a great king of men, so I ran hard and fast into the setting sun.
Chapter Three Hundred and Seventy Six:
Only now does the world see the error of its ways, and with renewed hope, humanity will rebuild their land, regrow the trees, and an age of love and wisdom will grace the planet.
.. Until the crab monsters come and take it over.
THE END
Authors note:
"Have I told you 'bout mah lazer?
Guys don't know 'bout it"
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