Avoiding Me After Sex? Was I used?
So I have had this friend for 10 years... and after some turbulence the last year...and a change in circumstance we both decided to pursue something non-platonic. We both admitted having feelings for one another... and we went out on our first date last week.
It was amazing! He and I had a really great time reconnecting and bonding. We went out for the day and later he cooked me dinner. It was really sweet and special. Thereafter, I spent the night. We had really passionate sex. He held my hand the entire time. We would fall asleep in each other's arms... wake up and have sex again. Truly great.
In the morning I kinda freaked out being overwhelmed emotion and I tried to leave. He begged me to join him back in bed so he could hold me. And he did for two hours... just laying there rubbing my back and holding my hand. Finally, I looked up at him and he made love to me. Which was very emotional for both of us. After we climaxed he just held me. It truly was the greatest time I have spent with someone.
That being said... afterwards he cooked me breakfast... and drove me to the train station (I live 3 hours away). That evening we texted each other - saying we had a great time and that yes we shall catch up again soon. So I was optomistic!
We have emailed a few times since (3 times I think this week)... and I offered to stop by to see him next week or the week after as I consistently go to his city for work. Both times he said keep me posted on your plans... but I may not be in town. I will let you know. WTF!?!
He has been a close friend for a decade... and I guess I am kinda destroyed by his lack of enthusiasm about us seeing each other again. He made love to me, he held me... and he assured me we would see each other again. Is he avoiding me? Should I just assume that he doesn't want this now? Was I used?
I should also say that his emails have gone back to their platonic banter. Hey did you read the news today? I am going out with a buddy to party the w/e you want to visit... etc. But, hey plans change so I'll let you know. *sigh
I tried to leave several times that night because I was scared he'd do this. I tried to keep my distance emotionally... but he kept insisting on breaking down those walls of intimacy. God I am stupid.
Alright the verdict is in! My friend and I talked -- and I am relieved to say that his distance was only a result of the fact that he wanted to claw things back. Thank god! He wanted me to know that "we were seeing each other" not "dating" as of yet.
dating as in exclusive. Which I am relieved because I needed more time to come to terms with the feelings and to trust him. I am new at dating since my divorce so he was just trying to guide me politely without being rude. He is cool with no more sex
He wants to slow things down - no more sex- so that we can build something out of our friendship at a more natural pace. It was too intense for me too -- so I am happy that he wants to try and see where it goes.
and actually go on dates and build up the chemistry at a normative pace. As opposed to being put in the whole FWB category. That is why he confirmed that yes we would "see" each other again in his text... and that he is non-commital too far in advance
Geesh! I have been outta the loop for far too long! Anyways... he hasn't disappeared nor did he use me for sex. He wants to build something... just not at a lightning pace - and to develop at a pace I am comfortable with.
As he knows that I recently broke up with a guy because things were moving too fast too quick... and so knowing that he doesn't want history repeating himself. Thank god we are friends... and that he cares enough for me to clarify without having to ask.
Apparently all the passion and emotional love making was genuine and 10 years in the making. And the cuddling was to reinforce that he cared for me... that it was meaningful and not a 1 nite stand or FWB thing and wants to see me
I guess it's all about setting boundaries. See I am on a mission not to be needy or clingy ... and to just go with the flow.
What's Your Opinion?