Just started dating a new guy. I don't want to mess it up!

[Anonymous]

Hi Guys,

I have just started dating a great guy and everything is going great, I don't want to do anything intentionally or un-intentionally to mess it up! How would a new girl you are dating mess it up for you? or girls, how would a man mess things up for you?

By this I mean certain things that one does, maybe not even realizing they are doing it, that may or may not put a guy/girl off from dating you.

This guy I have met, is lovely (or at least appears to be at the moment lol). We have been on 2 dates, only a couple of days apart and we are going on our 3rd date next week! We text quite a bit and I have asked him if this is a problem (as with some of my ex's it was), he has said no, he enjoys texting me its nice, but he doesn't want ,me to feel like I should text etc. He is being very sweet at the min and we get on great, & I really don't wanna mess it up! I'm not saying that I will, but some pointers would be a great help!

So come on, what would put you off? or what can you do to ensure this guy/girl is thinking about you? :-)

[hisangel]

It's hard to say what can destroy a relationship cause everyone is different with different issues. One person is too clingy and someone else is too withdrawn. They can both kill a relationship.

But I can tell you what can kill YOUR relationship, the fact that you aren't taking this guy at face value. One of the first things you said is that he is a great guy. In one of your responses to someone's answer, you said you think he is playing ill to get out of a date with you. So which is it? Is he a great guy or a sneaky guy? I assume he is probably "lovely" as you phrased it but, as ap110 phrased it, you are making him "pay for the sins of other guys you've dated".

Everyone has baggage in a relationship. Everyone. Whether you saw your father sleep around or had a boyfriend act like you weren't important, we all get some queues in life that sometimes the opposite sex isn't going to treat you the way you want to be treated. This lovely guy of yours has baggage too. You know how I can tell? He said you should only text if you want to. In my experience, that means he probably hasn't had the most attentive girlfriends in the past. He probably can't for the life of him figure out why you are always texting him and is afraid that you are just doing it to be nice, not cause you like him.

Have you ever played that game "What's the first thing that comes to your mind?" Where the person says "Apple pie or Cherry pie" and without thinking, you blurt out one? Then that is supposed to tell you subconsciously what you want? I suggest you do that with him. When he texts and says he is ill, instead of reading in to it, ask yourself "Is he a jerk or a good guy?" From your statements, I assume he is a good guy. Then go from there. Take him at his word cause he has proving himself to be a good guy. You are going to get bogged down with fears and worries that he is your past boyfriends. Maybe some of them said you pushed them away and that's why you are freaking out about pushing him away. When you get like that, remember that when you typed up this question the first things that came to your mind is "great guy" and "lovely" THEN came "(or at least appears to be)".

Stop convincing yourself he is like the rest and take him for who he is.

[ty-lady]

Take your time with the new friendship, texting is fine but "do" seem lyk you have a life, whenever you text someone you are letting them know that you are thinking about them. So, if you are texting all throughout the day, everyday then you are giving up too much of your attention to other things in life. Guys lyk a little mystery so don't be so upfront about everything (not saying that you are) but give just enough info. Also, be unavailable at least every now and then...busy or something. Never be too available or too anxious. Everything seems lyk it's going good so far so just relax and be yourself, that is the hardest thing to do sometimes. But remember, we don't know what he lyks yet so acting any different than who you really are COULD be just what he doesn't lyk. So my advice to you is to move slowly and just enjoy his company and new found friendship. Peace, Love & Happiness! ty-lady!

[Asker]

Thank you. You have said some good things there and I am trying to be myself, and just go with the flow, but its sometimes difficult when you like someone, and feel like you have known them a lot longer than you really have. He is saying all the sweet things and from past experiences I've heard most of it before and they just say it to get what they want! and this is what makes me wreck things because I believe its too good to be true. x

[ty-lady]

When we say to take your time, it means "your feelings" don't let them get too wrapped up into him and just stay focused on "enjoying the time that you have... in life period"! You are responsible for your own feelings so you have to protect them, so don't throw them out there without your head following it and you will make wise decisions about everything you desire ( I know that it is easier said than done, but try)! Good Luck!

[ap1100]

I was in the same boat as you before when I went on lots of 1st dates but nothing clicked. I wondered if I needed to change something. Then I met the love of my life and everything was so easy and it just kept getting better. There are plenty of things about me that aren't necessarily bad that past girls probably didn't like. Who cares?

That said, I don't like having someone cancel dates or do other gameplaying like lying about why you're canceling dates. I was very serious about one girl who I later found out lied about the reason for postponing a date, then kept stringing me along until finally cancelling what was to be our last date. I do like honesty, as well; I talk about more things faster than even most girls like, but that's just me. The aforementioned girl told me she ended things because I would kiss her but not try to progress to sex. I wish she would have been more upfront with me. Also, no jealousy. I dated a girl who after the first date accused me of cheating on her because I send a text intended for a guy friend to her. We don't want to pay for the sins of other guys you've dated (that is, only if you've dated jerks). Nothing is worse than being punished for the acts of a past guy.

[Asker]

What do you guys make to this then? Last night we text, & spoke about different things, said good night and everything appeared normal. Then today., he texts me the usual nice text sayin morning gorgeous etc, & said that he feels ill. (Me being me, took it has he is trying to windle his way out of seeing me on our pre-arranged 3rd date in a couple of days time). He texts me a bit more, but there not has happy as before, (maybe because he is genuinely ill)..What do you guys think?

[Sexy-Senior-09]

You are more likely to mess it up if you worry about it. If you don't care about ruining it and just focus on having fun there's a bigger chance that you won't mess it up.

[Twick00]

I agree with Sexy-Senior. Just be yourself, the more you worry about sh*t that might happen; the more of a failure it will probably be..

[valo712]

ur an idiot don't worry about what you do or you don't do ull end up f***ing it up be yourself and if he doesn't get you then its not for you

well if you want advice a girl can ruin it for me if she is a f***ing retard and has nothing to say

[rdabby]

Whoa , too much anger there huh!