Saying goodbye? Why do some people avoid it? Any of you "bad with goodbyes"?

[Anonymous]

What does "I am not good with goodbyes mean?

My friend said he would stop by before he left... I woke up the next morning with like twenty different things lined up against my door.

Some were symbols of stuff we did, some were symbols of stuff he did, bur there was no body there to stay god bye.

I was looking forward for seeing him for a last time, to say something... Something with no double meaning, or something supportive or just nice , but mainly calm.

There is an element of someone leaving that is nice because there is absolutely no ambiguity...

I think I have been ready for this since I came back {Well I am leaving soon too so the leaving thing was always there - for me anyways}

I was just really looking forward to him to say something calmly with no pretext other then to wish good luck.

I called him a few days later {i wanted to make sure I was upset about not being able to say good bye & not just upset. I just told him that I missed a chance to wish him well & I hope all was well - I thanked him for the Swedish ivy as a side...

He said sort of sad or guilty or remorseful, "I am not good with goodbyes". ...

He did not have to apologize I was not calling to shove anything in his face I just wanted to say something before I or he left...

That may sound weird but goodbye help me organize things, especially when they are civil & even kind... At least genuine.

-Why do you think he had to explain that.

- What is the problem with saying good bye when you are leaving & you still friends with the other person?

-What does it even mean?

-Anyone out there get it?

[Sherbear101]

So it's late and I'm a bit tired so this might not be my best answering, he probably had to explain to you why he left without saying goodbye because he felt that he at least owed that to you. He left and he feels guilty and the least he could do is explain why he left without a goodbye.

The problem is it's painful, you experiance a whole lot of emotions and it's hard to say goodbye because of it. You guys are friends and that makes it even harder, you guys are good together, have wonderful memories, enjoy each others company. Him leaving that all behind is hard. Anyone leaving that behind is hard. He's gotten attached to you as you have to him, it's not easy just breaking that and leaving. Think of a candy cane, it's difficult to break and when you do there's a whole bunch of broken pieces everywhere. It's still as good as it was before, it's just missing some and is separated. I don't know if that made sense...

A lot of guys are just shy around girls in events like this. Guys don't do emotions that well. A lot of guys don't get over their emotional problems; they shove it in the back of their brain and pretend it never happened. This is a big event for him, he's leaving you (even if you are just friends, my friends mean A LOT to me) he probably chickened out. A lot of guys also don't like drama, and this would be a dramatic event, as important as it is. Or perhaps he thought it would be easier for both of you to just not say goodbye.

Him not being able to say goodbye is again, just saying that he's not good at breaking attachments. It's hard for a lot of people to just say goodbye because it'll be the last time you'll see them, it'll be the last time you hug them, the last time you get to see them smile (in person) etc. Even if there will be visits, it's hard to leave someone you see constently and then rarely see them.

If this didn't make sense I apologize! :)

[Asker]

Thank You or writing thru your exhaustion.

I understand what you are saying... I guess the frustrating thing is tat I AM SAD THAT HE IS LEAVING" but I was willing waiting & wanting to say goodbye. I mean he is leaving shouldn't it be easier for the leaver ? I really do not like to get emotional about things & I have confidence thati would not- I meano have promised myself I absolutley will not & I wanted him to know that. I wanted him to leave with memory of me not wanting to hold him back

[Asker]

To have a memory of me caring about him without having to have him... He is very special to me , & even without the reasons above, I just wanted to look at him one last time - If indeed we never see each other again..... I know he came by, he left me stuff, so why could he not just knock.

I know it's had for him, but he said he would stop by & it's hard for me too... I never said it but he should recognize it by now that I care & I would think he would feel worse for not following thru?

[Sherbear101]

No, he's leaving you behind.That's not easy,it's like moving out from your parents or moving from your friends at your old school, you're the one that's getting effected most.You're parents have each other and your old friends still have each other.You're alone and ready to make new friends.He obviously didn't think about you, and that's a mistake people often make. They think of themselves first, it's human nature. Don't take it so personally he's a guy they don't catch on as fast as you think.