My guy is ignoring me after I told him he hurt my feelings - what is up?

[Anonymous]

I am freaking and way too emo. Trying to give him space but been a week as of tonight.

Got mad at him, told him he hurt my feelings and told him he was cold, insenstive and stuff. guess he thought I was too emo to deal with as he ignored my emails. Emailed again when I cooled down the next day and also on third day. Had asked him to let me know he was okay and commented that if he was dumping me it was crappy way to do so after 10 mos. He sent me pic of teddy bear I gave him with its back turned to me. What was that?! Thanked him for lett ing him know he was ok and told him I was still hurt and upset and needed him to fix it.

Nothing. I figured I would write him off but I love the guy. And it getting to me no matter what I do. So I emailed again today - but tried to leave the emo out of it - came up with a goofy math problem example of the situation.

Will he come around? In the past he has. I don't know thought - I don't know what his deal was last sunday night - angry at me or what. Last time things got like this I didn't contact him for a week and he started contacting me wanting a particular gift back he had given me. I refused and told him I didn't want things to end and he suggested we get together over Thanskgiving to talk and see how things went. We had great time - didn't talk about things though - too busy goofy off and having fun and I didn't know how bring things up - plus everything I had been upset about I totally forgot when I saw his face.

[CoKaCola]

I've been through this with at least 2 different men. One of them I actually learned to work through the fact that he was going to ignore me, so in turn I had to come up with a way to respond to this w/o losing my sanity.

Often I didn't feel like I was to blame or the reason why I was becoming emotional over something we were going through. After a while, I started to really just think to myself, why am I loosing my mind over this guy? I realized that my reason for going after him had more to do with my level of self-confidence and insecurities. I realized that I needed to work on myself and I also started speaking to my girlfriends more about the things I was going through with this guy. It helps to have people in your life that are supportive and are willing to listen to your feelings, ya know? You just need to get things off your chest sometimes.

So over time, I just came to expect that he was not going to care for my feelings the way that I wanted and eventually I started to ignore him completely, which strange enough got his attention. So this is why I say, give him silence if that is what he wants.

As for guy #2, I fell for him very quickly and it didn't take me long to see that he was never going to be there for me emotionally, so after enough humiliation and unanswered emails and messages I just gave up on him. I didn't want to force someone to care about the ways that I felt especially if our feelings were not mutual. It also helped me to see that I fell for him so fast because he was very attractive physically and it wasn't so much that his personality was right for me. I guess as I've gotten older and I can now say I've had a few experiences. my perspective and tolerance for less than what I deserve has changed. Not to say I don't slip up, but I can get back to reality a bit quicker these days.

[Asker]

Wow you are a lot smarter and stronger than am I! So any words of wisdom on those unbearably painful moments of weakness and tears when you feel like you miss him so much you are going to die. I am out of contact with my exercise pals due to an injury that has left me more or less couchbound. Normally I would bury myself in work, classes, exercising, going to gym, running or hanging out with hiking club but can't do any of that. Not much of a support system right now.

[CoKaCola]

Well it's going to be a little more difficult with you being out of commission because of your injury. It's not easy getting through the days when you can't really focus on other activities that you like. I saw that you've mentioned reading books before, I've done the same and it can help for a while but I am assuming that you want a little more than a book for comfort.

You have to try to resist contact for a while. Give him a chance to come around to you if he is willing. I don't think that I am so strong, but I've just been through it enough that I got tired of the bad feelings. Every now and then I do get lonely and want to call different dudes, but I think about how that call or email will make me feel in the long run and I just let it go. You have to build up a little more self-assurance. You seem like an intelligent, out-going woman, remember that you are if that is the case. Don't let this take away the things that are good about you as an individual.

Don't spend too much time beating yourself up over this but if you need to cry, let it out. We hate going through hard times in our relationships, but sometimes crying and the pain is all a part of getting closer to getting through it. So you have to let some of that happen, don't let yourself sulk though. Its all good and natural to miss him and want to talk to him but if its going to make you feel bad or hurt you in the end try to push through it for yourself. It actually does get easier over time. I used to hate when my mother and my friends would tell me that but its true. Figure out ways to recover from your injury quicker so you can get back in the game! Continue to take care of yourself mentally and physically. We are a work in progress girl, I am still working at this too. So don't feel alone.

[CoKaCola]

I've experienced this before. and I know it is totally frustrating. It makes things worse when someone is aware of your feelings and they are deliberately ignoring how you feel along with all of your msgs. Perhaps you're emotional from time to time, that doesn't mean someone should just disregard how things in your relationship cause you to feel. Not sure how often you go through this with your man, but you can't just sweep it under a rug or forget about these issues on a good day.you aren't addressing the issues by dropping them when you and him and having a good time. The issues will continue to arise and you will be treated the same way next time. Believe me, I know. It is so hard to ignore how someone makes you feel or even how you've caused yourself to feel on the strength of your relationship. If he is not responding to your willingness to communicate you have to try to give him what he wants. silence. Try to be strong about it, ya know? I know you love him and I am sure he cares about you too, but you guys aren't respecting each others hearts much, so I would say should the opportunity arrive where you guys can sit and discuss your problems, do so. Doesn't mean the outcome will be what you want but at least you will know you tried to sort things out. Good Luck and keep your head up.

[Asker]

Thanks. How did you deal with your situation? Did it work out? Well I do hope he cares and maybe that makes things a little better. I found this book called "what women wish men would know" - it talks about things like how guys do things that make us insecure and then we get needy and explains the cycle. I hope he comes around soon and I hear from him. This is not cool especially right before holidays -depressing enough. Thanks for answer.

[MystiKaL]

He may feel that you easily feel hurt by him and freak out to him which can in turn freak him out. Therefore he may be backing off you for a bit so that you both can cool down. Its also his way of saying that if you do freak out on him often he can can back off you and get on with his life, in a way of saying that you need to be a bit more calmer and straight forward with him if you still want him in your life. I know you care for him, he obviosly cares for you.

Sometimes us guys are not great with womens feelings and can react in a way which women deem abnormal. I sometimes back off when a girl gets upset with me, because in my head I'm thinking she easily gets upset with me and I'm hurting her without me when I think I've done nothing wrong. Obviously this guy has done something to upset you but you need to stop getting angry at him for minor things, only get angry at very justified reasons.

Talk to him and say you need a proper chat and try and talk about things in a civilised manner and how you can both change things in a positive manner and move on as a happy couple.

[Asker]

He won't talk to me - wish he would.

[MystiKaL]

You need to send him a powerfull text/email/voicemail message (whichever is convenient) saying his behaiour is hurting you and to salvage your relationship you both need to meet up and have a proper chat. Say to him that if you both can't chat you both cannot resolve this matter. Make sure you plan what you say to him and make the wording right. If he still makes no effort in returning your message, maybe you then need to decide if this is the guy is right for you. You cannot keep chasing him.

[Mayor-of-ESL]

Girl...some people are just screwed up...I can't get any response out of the girl I was just seeing, after I got rude with her when I found out she was still having sex with her ex.

All I got was an excuse from her when I was rude...she said "I told you I was f***ed up. I told you not to get involved." Yet she was kissing me, having me spend the night, and taking me to her parents house for christmas. How was I not supposed to get attached?

She won't take my calls, nor respond to text msgs nor emails.

[BarefootInTheHead]

Only he knows if he'll come around. perhaps he's sick of your freaking out. perhaps you shouldn't date a guy who deliberately hurts your feelings.