In my last two posts, I was all about venting and letting things off my chest, with a very positive attitude that everything will be okay. Lately, I've been feeling really sad and down. I keep remembering everything he said to me. It aches my soul everytime I remember a promise he made, but didn't do. I never had a relationship that brought me happiness, sometimes, I feel like maybe it's time to take a break and focus on myself, but then the feeling of lonliness strikes, and I just feel the need of wanting to be loved and cared for. My life is hard, it really is, being a middle eastern who's very westernized is almost impossible, especially if your parents are very traditional. I've had enough of everything... I'm so done with having to deal with heartbreaks and sorrow, I am way too young for that.
I had to lift up myself, I didn't wanna drown in depression, because it'll only harm me, no one's gonna pay the price but myself. Why do we go hard on ourselves? Why do we grieve over people who left us so easily? It's simple, we really don't have to. I realized I don't love myself enough... I cannot accept myself, and maybe that's why I have a hard time believing that someone can love me for me... Sometimes, in order for us to reach happiness, we have to go through hell and back, to appreciate the graces that we might once considered curses...
I will be okay... I will get over this... I can be a happy person on my own... I don't need anyone to make me feel better about myself... I am my own best friend... I am a beautiful person who's really worth being loved and cared for, nothing less... I am me, and if you cannot accept that, then you should just piss off.
Maybe I can't forgive him now, but I know that someday I will let go and give myself a chance, a better chance to find my old, happy self again.
I believe all that, and I know for sure that someday, I will write a happy post. So, just stop listening to Taylor Swift's break up songs, she's cute and all, but seriously, we really don't need to make ourselves drown in tragedy.
Feel free to let it all out, and make sure that I am more than happy to pass love and support. And like I always say; BE HAPPY!
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I really don't know if this consider a vent… on not being over him but on a vent on my dad I guess…-
So my guy friend his name is Charlie. He is very sweet, caring, protective and well like a gentlemen for a punk rock guy. We have been friends for 1 1/4 the on valentines day he gave me a necklace and a note that said "will you be mine?" Then the next day I saw him I said "yes" and smiled. He hugged me so tight and I hugged him back. He never had his first kiss… I didn't ether… we went on a field trip together and I ended up kissing his cheek because he kept wanting me to take his money and he looked kinda sad so I did kiss his cheek and smiled. He looked suprised and smiled. As I looked out the window he kissed my cheek back and he smiled. We went out for 2 months then we started to talk about bad things in our relationship… we broke up mutually. He still wanted to be friends so we are. 2 guys have asked me out already and I rejected them. 3 girls have asked him out and he rejected them. Everytime I see him he smiles. Then… my dad found out… he said that I was out of control, that I was stupid, that I could of fucked up my life, that he doesn't care for me anymore, that he doesn't need me in my life, that he doesn't love me. I already knew he doesn't love like his daughter anymore… my dad hurt me… he has caused me pain over 3 years… but I stuck to it because of my sister and friends… he said after school ends he going to send me to guatemala and make me stay there. That made me cry… and I kept thinking about it everyday every moment… I told my friends they cried I told Charlie… he asked me if it was a joke… I said no. I couldn't look him in the eye anymore because all I could see was pain and hurt… he wants to talk to my dad… I don't know if I should let him… my dad is violent… stric and mean when he doesn't get his way… every time my dad sees me sad he decides to go to some place like fast food, restaurant etc… I say okay because if I don't he will yell at me… my dad, sister and I have a good time… Until he brings it up that I had a boyfriend and stuff… when he brings it up he saids it in a hateful tone and I just feel crying in the corner and curling up into a ball… when I get send over there I don't care anymore what he saids he can't hurt me anymore. He said he going to send me to adoption or orphanage. At this point I don't care. All I know is that I want to stay here with my sister friends and Charlie…my dad is going to get me hating him if he sends
Me.
(Sorry it couldn't fit in the box)
That's reallly bad! That's a weird attitude of your dad... You said he's violent and strict, so talking to him at this point won't help much. Have you tried reaching out for other family members? They might help, or take you with them instead of foster houses.
Yea my aunt that's all of have here in the USA…
But my dad saids he doesn't want me to go with my aunt. I don't know why… he says he doesn't care so why would it matter? And I don't call any things like foster house because I'm scared for my little sister I don't want her to get tramatized or something like that.…
I still remember how my last 'relationship' was like. He gave me butterflies every time I would see him, and he couldn't hide his dorky side, no matter how hard he tried. He would sing songs (his voice was beautiful), and now if I go back to them, I can't help but think of that moment. He promised he would wait for years to be mine. He was very smart and had not much to say but when he did, he would prove a point. I was the talkative one, haha. We met the night he broke up with his girlfriend of, i think, a handful of years. He knew her for half of his life. He fell for me, but when she came crawling back, he had to go with her. He wasn't interested in her as much as me, but he felt bad since she was so upset, she wanted to try one last time. I keep forgetting that he knew it wouldn't work.. I was just jealous that she got to be with him. To be around him. It hurts. I wasn't available to be his, but he promised when I was, he would be there. I never fully grasped the concept that he could have had feelings for me. I was lied to so often in the past that I became blinded by the thought of someone actually liking me back. The past guys didn't like me, they used me. I'd be happy if he did like me, but i could never process it fully. I didn't focus on if he did or didn't like me since I was already in love with everything he was.
We dated for five and a half months and they were the happiest months of my life. She ended things because she couldn't be in a relationship at the moment is what she claims. Our breakup went a little messy at first and got better after a month or so.
She is now in a relationship with this guy she met right before we broke up. They started talking right around the time things got bad between us like 2-3 weeks after our break up. He had been flirting with her the whole time though. A mutual friend tells me that it is just a rebound relationship and it will end soon and potentially very badly. The same friend talked to her about why she liked the guy and apparently the only thing she could say was that he played guitar and that that was "soooo cute"
Even though she is with this new douchebag we text everyday. Some days more rhan others but a good amount of conversation regardless. We snapchat too. Even a small noticable bit of flirtation in our conversations.
I am completely in love with her. I just don't know how to get her back. Everyone keeps saying either i need to move on (which I can't do, she is the one) or that i just need to wait out this relationship with the new douchebag (which is emotionally exhausting). i just don't know how to get her back.
Live your life... If she was the one, she would've stayed, but apparently she's not sure about you... Why getting with the new guy when she clearly told you she wasn't ready for a relationship... She's not worth your time, believe me.