My name is Kerry and I am a recovering love addict.
Over the years I have begun to see reoccurring patterns in my relationships and how they work out. One of the patterns most apparent is that I am attracted to guys I know have issues and cannot fully commit to me.
If a man isn't available as such, on goes a switch inside me.
A few years ago I met a man through work, I always knew he wasn't available and from this I have always had a strong attraction to him. The chemistry between us was unreal, we talked about random things for hours at a time and we remained close 'friends' for years. Our friendship was never basic friendship, there was always chemistry and flirting, we would sit up on weekends chatting all night. Eventually he admitted to seeing me as more than a friend and we started dating.
I think the signs were always there, he wasn't consistent with talking to me, he would dissapear when we became 'too close', he avoided conflict or serious discussions and he was a poor communicator, he still struggles to take responsibility in his life and make decisions for himself.
This man is 37 and lives at home with his mum and has done for the last 5 years, he lost his father when he was a teenager and I think this caused him some harm inside. He used drugs for years after and he tends to drink most days.
Regardless of it all, I think I wanted to be the one to 'save' him. In reality none of us can be responsible for saving another. We can simply exsist. I adore him as my friend and I would love for us to work in a romantic sense.
My own issues stem from abandonment when I was a child. I think I always seek validation because of this, I think I seek relationships with men whom cannot love me, because if I can make them love me then maybe I was worth more than being abandoned and I will be saved as well.
My name is Kerry, and I am going to be a recovered addict, one day.
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