Those who may have gotten to know me a little bit will know that often times on GaG while engaging with others, I’ll make references to the love life I share with my husband. When we met, I was a flaming atheist and he, a firm believer. Today, we are in an interracial/interfaith marriage, and we have learned so much from each other for our differences.
At times I have witnessed a terrific potential of a great relationship between two people, but dropped – and in my opinion unnecessarily – because of religion or one’s lack thereof. One in particular was a Muslim/Sikh union where the couple hid their religions from their family and did it easily enough given they were very close in appearing the same race. (He was Muslim, she was Sikh.) The fellow was a co-worker of mine and really struggled on how it was going to work out. It was predicted that their families would be viciously against their relationship. But they seemed to really care for each other, and it was very sad for me to hear that they hadn’t given it a chance.
As an atheist, remember – I can’t relate to any of it. So when I speak my opinion, I am on no side of any religion.
What is sad is that our refusal or fear to intermingle in faith is preventing us from learning. What better way to learn about acceptance and where someone’s heart truly lies than to fall in love with someone of a different faith? Our world has separated us enough, and extremists put a choke-hold on their religious societies to believe it’s Us Against Them. Is someone falling in love with someone of another faith truly a threat? I say absolutely not. If one’s faith is so strong, then there should be no threat whatsoever. You know who you are, and give your partner credit – they know who you are too. Respecting each other is what love is.
In my case, my husband asked me early if I believed in god. I said no. He asked if I was spiritual. I said no. He looked at me (with the same expression a ten year old girl would have if you just shot a small rabbit) and said, “Well, I believe in god.” I knew he loved me, and when he stood firm against me to still admit it, I knew I was in love with a man who was dedicated in his heart to god. He could have faked it just to impress me, but this sort of loyalty made me realize I was with a guy who learned the art of commitment. I wanted that kind of personality in my life. In turn, my atheism has shown him that I make up my mind after facts are presented. He knew that my thirst for research and finding answers based on credible information meant that I favoured evidence. I was about truth, not maybes, and therefore he took that to be a sign of my character: I sanctioned honesty.
In our marriage, never have we tried to talk out or talk the other in to what we do or don’t believe. It was an unspoken understanding. We don’t worry for the other. We don’t tease each other or become facetious about who might be right or wrong. Caring about what is in your heart or mind when it comes to religion or free-thought is an individual choice that is not up for debate when it comes to love. I say accept the person as they are presented to you. If they ask questions about your faith, don’t be so quick to think it’s a sign they wish to convert, but take it as a compliment that the steps to finding out what you feel so passionately about is important to your partner.
And then there are children. How will they be raised? And what will the family say? Well, I can't dictate how you and your partner will manage your lives together, but I will give you my honest-to-god opinion from an atheist’s point of view:
If God has put you on a path to live your life with this particular person, why reject this gift of love God gave you – who works in mysterious ways – to bring someone to you that you might not have expected to be with? They were sent to be with you for a reason.
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