Stop trying to spring into a relationship at such a young age

[NonCreativeUsername]

I am only 16, I know that, but that doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about, in fact, I'm in the center of the issue. Maybe it's just my personal ideals or maybe it actually is normal, but I've noticed forever how everyone around me tries to jump into relationships all the time, as if they NEEDED to be in one. Maybe it's me, with my older music, and my desire to live like the old days (When they also acted the same way), but it's quite simple. Elementary school, alright, it's cute, even I had a "Girlfriend" in Elementary school, but Middle School through High School...It gets quite weird, because everyone knows you start to have those wants and desires for others, and it's not cute anymore. I've never really put myself out there, mostly because of what I'm talking about here, but also because, I don't see the point. Yea, maybe you can experience things and be prepared for later on, but let's face it, you aren't growing up at a very rapid speed, so you got time. The start of college, at least to me, is probably ideal to start trying to experience things and what not, because it gives you time to know what personality traits and characteristics of the other person. I can be honest and say I'm posting this to just see hate comments, but it's also my complete honest opinion. My thoughts are, I think that when kids see older movies showing teenagers and whatever as "dumb" back then, it tells them NOT to be like that, and then they try to act more "mature" and that means, commitment and responsibility. Tell me what you think.

[Possible_Mate]

i agree with your take, that teens shouldn't be so focused in relationships when they are young. i've seen quite a few questions on here of boys and girls asking if they are normal for not having they're first kiss etc. or wondering if they're going to be alone forever because they haven't had sex yet. it seems so stupid to me because they are still young, and have plenty of time to grow and explore sexually. and more importantly romance isn't the most important thing in the world.
on a more personal point i'm currently in a relationship, but what you are talking about here is something i thought about before going into it, and it's not the most important in my life so i'm pretty good about prioritizing where i can fit my relationship in between the other things i have going on. and i realize that we probably won't last through university and and whatever and get married. but the only other option is breaking up which would really suck since we were friends several years prior so breaking up would really hurt :/

[OrangeBoy]

This is not about having time to find the others personality, it's about starting to understand the opposite sex.

What i mean is, we start to be curious about the other sex by the age of 12.
We have the wish to do it because things are like that, no one is thinking about serious relationships, we just want to learn.

So, i support all the "learning" that we may wish to do. From 12 to 18 it's healthy to flisrt, kiss, hug and starting developing our feelings.

This makes us happier, fullfiled and satisfies our curiosity. We actually become better person living like this and more strong and focus on studies and other things.

I give a big yes for all the young ones that search for a relationship with with other younger ones.

[bloodmountain1990]

Yeah I could have had one when I was 14 but I didn't want to because we started off as friends and I didn't wanna ruin the friendship in case we broke up. After that, my closest I felt to a relationship I ended up being rebounded which really fucked me up because the rebounder acted too fast which caused me to act fast and brought it to a crashing disaster and lots of confusion and overanalyzing. It made me feel unsure of when to reveal my intentions when dating someone because I didn't wanna come off too strong and scare the other person away,

[OrangeBoy]

love is really complicated...: /

[Anonymous]

If I could go back, and ideally have perfect parents, and a perfect family, and I was a perfect child who sat down and listened... I would honestly not begin dating until I was 30.

It would take a great deal of emotional intelligence and support from my family, to help me understand that just because my penis is not entering a vagina does not mean that the opposite sex does not find me attractive... or that I am in danger of never reproducing and having children one day.

But with that help, and all the time saved and not spent on "dating," I could develop and grow much faster as a person.

I'd learn to sing, I'd learn to play the piano, I'd go all the way with aikijujitsu, I'd learn to dance, I'd have a way more comfortable time at school... I'd be able to focus on the early years of my professional career at work...

And then I'd be 30 ...

A full and complete person, armed with non-work skills, talents, and interests, not as stressed, not as anxious, more secure, more stable, and more importantly, it would be "UNDER THOSE CIRCUMSTANCES" that I would have my first experience dating.

Additionally, at 30, the 14-22 year/old phase of a woman's emotional life is something that I would never have to deal with or be subjected to. Which, in turn, would never create a whole slew of issues within me that I would have to spend the next 10 years coping with and resolving.

Plus, at 30, dating women is like shooting fish in a bucket.

18-24 year olds? Compared to guys their age... it's like walking right back into the candy/game/toy store you would walk into as a child, and wondered what you could get for $1.00 ... only now, you're walking in with like $100,000.00 and you're thinking about how many calories everything is, or how many hours this is going to take away from your life. My point is, the degree of "frustration" you'll find in the market for casual sex as a 30 year-old man is "far" less than what you'd find as a 16-25 year old guy.

As far as finding a long term relationship? It's like hailing a cab at Times Square. "I'm looking to settle down and just be serious with the right person." BAM!

So, the playbook is right there. It's just the classic issue of "delayed gratification." Guys want it NOW, NOW, NOW... even if they know it's going to be harder, more frustrating, and less rewarding.

[existing_not_living]

Yeah, I get where you are coming from. I am 17 at the moment and in my last year in high school and for so long I felt like I needed to be in a relationship or always dreamed of being in one and throughout my high school career I've been in at least one each year. I honestly do not care to be in a relationship at the moment and am okay with being single. I don't need to have a guy in my life to be happy and honestly, I'm sick of guys at the moment. I think dating is fine and all during HS years, but it shouldn't be the main focus. You have the rest of your life to be in a relationship and when you get married you'll be tied down forever. For the moment, just enjoy being young and have fun with friends and get good grades in school and get to know who you are without having an additional person define you.

I have a serial dater friend who jumps from relationship to relationship all the time and it's truly unhealthy for her and she gets hurt each time. I don't understand what's so awesome about being in a relationship all the time. Of course, when you are with the right guy a relationship is great, but I like the single life. I may miss the cuddles, but I can deal without them right now. The pressure of what comes with a relationship scares me, haha, so I am steering clear of them right now.

Dating is something that should be taken more seriously than it is. Just take your time and have fun.

[Creole_Flavor]

I agree when I was in middle school I was boy crazy but I wasn't dating and I didn't really start anything serious until my senior year. School and family life was stressful enough and a few and my friends were going through too much drama with their boyfriends and were not mature enough to handle it. I had one friend who use to cut her self in the bathroom stalls at school over this guy. I think its okay to like someone and maybe go on dates. At that age everyone is driven by their hormones and its all about who is getting laid and who is coupled up with who so some people picked based on what others would think. A lot of these relationships were not genuine. I have seen so many couples break up and they start dragging each other through the mud for the whole school to have a front row seat. They just go around telling each others secrets and if they were having sex everyone would know and if they were not sometimes the guys would lie and say they did it and start calling the girls whores. We didn't have sex ed and a lot of kids were running around getting pregnant because they didn't know any better because their parents didn't teach them or they trusted their gf/bf and didn't use protection. At the end of the school year the guys would make this list with girls names on them that they allegedly had sex with or dated and then they would vote for who was the biggest slut. It was really sad most of it was all lies which is why I never dated a guy that went to the same school as me by the time I started dating I was almost finished school and my boyfriend was finished so I didn't have to worry about that type of stuff. Relationships can really distract you from school and hobbies its too much to try to have something serious and invest in and you never know what might happen after you get out of school. I think its ok to date in high school for the experience but not be an exclusive couple with someone if you are like 14 or 15.

[Sara413]

I think that when you're in high school, being in a relationship seems so much more important than it actually is. Instead of focusing on boyfriends and girlfriends, teenagers would be much better off focusing on developing the person that they want to be - focus on school, sports, hobbies, etc. If you happen to meet someone at that age who you click with, don't push it away, but I don't understand why so many teens feel like they NEED to be in a relationship. It was like that when I was in HS too.

Honestly, even as adults, it's stupid to just jump into relationship after relationship just for the sake of not being alone. You should only be in a relationship with someone if you both genuinely want to be there and you make one anothers' lives better.

[Ninjaorbes]

Welll... at the same time I agree and disagree with you, I mean agree because zseeking out relationships and planning weddings and etc. shudnt be for kids focus on school snd education... buuut on the other line of the spectrum I am dating someone and we are just "living for the moment" I guess you could say. Of course school and education is number one priority still, but its a person that I really like (personality wise matters wayy more btw) ... I dont think we shud be scouting out dates and etc. but if there a person that you like a lot, then go for it.

[Bonnie12I27I12]

it really bothers me when people date just because they think that the other person is cute. maybe i take things too seriously but i want to really know and like a person if im going to date them so the relationship doesn't end in 6 days. i see 13 year olds saying "ugh the single life sucks" and they really dont know what they're talking about. they dont know how much stress is involved in a relationship. im really focusing on myself and school. i really have no time to go out with a guy. im trying to spend as much time as i can with my family. i'll talk to guys here and there but nothing serious. if a guy does come along then maybe i'll make room but as of now im not looking for a boyfriend.

[Queen_naki5]

I agree/disagree with this at the same time. I don't believe that teens should necessary be in a relationship, but dating is fine. Getting out there and seeing what you like in a person is part of emotional growth. There's no magic age when a person suddenly becomes eligible to be in a start dating and being in a relationship if they're the age of consent. It's more subjective to that person. I don't understand why two 16 year olds would want to be in a relationship but if they were just casually dating or crushing, I would assume it's quite normal behavior.

[Anonymous]

I totally agree with you. thet are just going with the flow of how things work in this generation. Most of the time they date to fit in (not the odd one out) or (to experience) , you know just to pass time and have fun. it can be caused by peer pressure

When I see couples in the hallway (school) being all lovey dovey , telling each other "I love u babe " I think "Who are you fooling" and one week later they are slammin the lockers out of anger because they broke up

Honestly I think they do it for drama and attention and I'm not hatin on any teen couple it's just that if you are not serious r then don't date 🙏🏻😕

[LittleSally]

Well... see...
The later in life a person gets into a relationship the more likely it is they'll never have one or they won't have well developed social skills - in that way - so it will only get more difficult...
So what I'm saying is - if someone feels ready to be in a relationship (and everything is legal and normal) then I see no problem with it.

But just jumping into a relationship for the sake of the experience and not really feeling it - that I'll never understand.

[iamyourneighbor]

Well some girls don't get asked out in high school and they don't have control of that. Also, not every guy who ask a girl out means he is a good guy. To be in a relationship young just to say you were in one is ridiculous in my opinion.

[bloodmountain1990]

Well that's the situation I'm in. I've had many flings and a few hookups here and there but no serious relationship. It's usually the ones I wanted who didn't want a relationship with me and vice versa. For the ones that liked me but I didn't like back, I'm not just gonna settle.

Like you said dating for the sake of having someone and getting experience is pointless and a waste of time. It just shows desperation and all it does is waste both your time and the other persons. Plus it's shitty to lead someone on who might have genuine feelings when you would clearly rather be with someone else.

[Scrambledagain]

I fully agree with you @LittleSally and the people who down voted you live in Disney land.

[LittleSally]

@Scrambledagain Hahaha
Thanks. =)

[LittleSally]

@iamyourneighbor Apparently you either don't know how to read or you didn't read my entire reply...

"To be in a relationship young just to say you were in one is ridiculous in my opinion." - what was my last sentence?

[iamyourneighbor]

Apparently you can't get your point across without being rude and bitchy

[iamyourneighbor]

You are starting drama for no reason that was really uncalled for, grow up kid

[LittleSally]

@iamyourneighbor Sorry... I'm used to being rude to rude people.

[HoodieGuy]

I see where your coming from but most of these teenage relationships are a matter of "Why not?". Girl likes boy and boy likes girl so they just hook up, they don't put much thought into it. I don't think it's a problem, it's just how things are at this age. From what i've seen these relationships won't do any serious good or bad, so they're almost irrelevant.

[Anonymous]

I think that for males, the longer you put off getting dating experience the harder it becomes. As women become experience, their tolerance for inexperienced men plummets.

And I think for men and women you can't learn the even more significant lessons about how to manage a relationship and what are deal breakers to you without actually having them.

[chuppachup]

Yeah, I agree with you 100%. It's hard to unlearn what movies and TV shows have taught you throughout your life though, so if you are "born" with this 'relationship-isn't-important mindset' then you're quite lucky. Nice take

[NonCreativeUsername]

Well, it's not that I think they are unimportant, just unimportant at such a young age. Glad you liked it

[XxbitemeXx]

My 7 year old niece tells me she's had a boyfriend for a year. Its insane. It gets more extreme with every generation

[front2back]

It wasn't uncommon for girls to marry at 14 two hundred years ago.

[Dipsy]

@front2back marriage at 14? Are you serious?

[Hannah591]

@Dipsy Yes.

[Dipsy]

@Hannah591 Lol that can't be possible. Where are they heading too lol. They would break up in a year or so

[XxbitemeXx]

@Dipsy well in his defense they'd be 214 now. So they're prolly dead :p

[Dipsy]

Xxbiteme what do you mean? Did that marriage happen about 214 years ago?

[XxbitemeXx]

@Dipsy he said "It wasn't uncommon for girls to marry at 14 *two hundred years ago*"

[Hannah591]

wow okay, no bright light bulbs here I see..

Two hundred or so years ago, women used to be married off at the age of 12-14. It still happens now but it used to be more common. He was talking generally, not about one marriage and obviously no-one lived to 214. -_- The marriages were arranged and on the males terms. Women weren't allowed to divorce, well they could but they would be out-casted from society so they stayed married.

[Dipsy]

I completely missread it LOL. I thought @front2back meant that some people nowadays could get married at 14, but 200 years ago they couldnt. It was reversed, my fault :P

@Hannah591

[XxbitemeXx]

@Hannah591 woah, rude much? He had a brainfart, misread, I clarified. Chill, cos

[XxbitemeXx]

The living to 214 part was sardonic. In case that type of humor goes over your head

[VampireEmpress]

@Dipsy the marriage laws can vary by the state even now today, kids can get married at 14 in some states, and @ 16 in plenty.

[Dipsy]

Yes, brainfart happened :P ;P
I know no one can live to 214.
@VampireEmpress does it really happen? I think they break up quickly after that, since non-adults break up more in general

[VampireEmpress]

@Dipsy I don't think they can break up usually, since most of those are with parental consent. I think it's mostly religious people.

[Dipsy]

@VampireEmpress Oh ok. Lol, personally myself, I'd never encourage someone to marry at such a young age. They usually change their mind later on

[BruceJender]

A "boyfriend". She's 7, I doubt she truly knows the meaning behind the term. She might just see him as a guy she liked for a year... But even then, they don't know what "liking someone" is.

For example, my youngest sister is 10, and she tells me about boys her age who she doesn't "like". But I know she's coming to the age where flirting (to an extent) takes place.

[Anonymous]

It's best for a person to get into a relationship in high school, it makes them normal, and makes it so they can actively seek a deeper relationship when they're older.

Otherwise they end up completely fucked up like me. Living alone isn't too bad, but it'd sure be nice to talk to someone.

[Anonymous]

I didn't have any relationships when in highschool and looking back I think I would have benefited from one immensely.

Besides, I don't think they're meant to work out they should give you a taste and help you learn. So arguably you're just going through life with less experience than the next person. I think it's better rush in and trust that you can come out on top more often than not.

P. S Katya is such a cutie, would snog.

[Awesomemad]

I totally agree. It seems now that a whole darn lot of teenage relationships nowadays are all about popularity, which I find completely stupid.

[BruceJender]

It has always been like that with teens.

[passionkev01]

seriously I dream about this girl in the photo before ahaha who is she btw?

[NonCreativeUsername]

Katya Lischina haha just had to add a picture

[passionkev01]

she a cosplayer?

[NonCreativeUsername]

I don't think so, just a random chick I thought was pretty. The internet works in mysterious ways, found her randomly.

[passionkev01]

I see :) cool thing to know mate. :p probably now I will look for girls like dat.

[NonCreativeUsername]

The cute ones are better than the sexy, hot ones. I mean they can be mixed I guess, but you get what I mean

[passionkev01]

yeah, you are right :) cute ones are the best, they have good looks and great personality

[Kuraj]

Humans are social creatures, of course they need relationships and the social skills that they develop.

[BruceJender]

Who's that girl in the picture... Have you got her number?

[NonCreativeUsername]

Katya Lischina, cute, ain't she?

[BruceJender]

Damn straight she is!

[Anonymous]

Relationships while you're a teen are supposed to be a learning experience