One Of The Main Reasons: Why You Keep Choosing The Wrong Guy/Girl

[Stacyzee]

Almost every relationship you've encountered has had a negative outcome.

Possible reasons below:

• You were lied to.


• You were cheated on.


• You were verbally/physically abused.


• You were emotionally/physically neglected.

After it happening time and time again, you are forced to ask yourself these questions:

"What is wrong with me? Why does every one treat me this way? Am I unworthy?"

The negative outcome of every relationship you've had, further damages your self esteem.

As someone from the outside looking in I will say,

No, there is nothing wrong with you. You are not unworthy. You are a person of value, who chooses the wrong people who take what you have to offer for granted.

You're such a welcoming and accepting person. You give many different types of people a chance. You might see negative qualities in them from the get go, but you don't weed any one out. You give each person a fair shot to prove themselves. Sure, I agree that it's great to be open and accepting. But there comes a time when being "too nice" can and will work against you. You have to set a standard for yourself . That is not what you have been doing all along.

You have to operate like a filter. You have to weed the impurities out. Sure, some of them will still pass through but what you will see before your eyes is a better selection. If someone is showing a significant amount of negative qualities from the beginning, don't take that chance with them. We all have qualities that everyone isn't fond of, but if these characteristics are alarming do not look past them. Set a standard for yourself, before you proceed any further. You do not want to complicate things by getting your feelings involved.

If you welcome any one, in any shape or form chances are you will continuously go through the same heartbreaks time and time again. You will continue the cycle you have had in all of your previous relationships. It will hurt even more time, and time again because your wounds will deepen. You will find yourself growing cold and angry at the world.

There comes a time in our lives, where we shouldn't only look at the actions of others but we must also look at our own.

• Why does this keep happening to me?


• Why does every one I enter into a relationship with wrong me in some way?

Each and every person is accountable for their actions. You can't control that you were lied to and betrayed, but you have to think why does this pattern keep occurring?

Love yourself enough to not lend your heart to just anyone.

[WalterRadio]

I broke up with every woman I ever dated except two. Those breakups were not failures. The goal was to find out if we wanted to stay together.

Define your goal, write it down. Make a plan from here to there.

Lies. Guys lie to women for two reasons: To get her to have sex or because she can't handle the truth. Read that again.

You brought up cheating so my guess is you can't handle the truth. What would you think if he said, "Emily and I are going on an overnight trip. We'll be sleeping together." Is it cheating? Not if you say, "OK, enjoy yourselves, see you when you get back." It isn't cheating if he has your permission.

A guy will not have sex with other women, with or without your permission, if he is getting everything he needs at home. Needs are complex and it is naive to think that any one person can fully complete the needs of another (not limited to sex); there are plenty of couples who do, but for most it is an unrealistic fairy tale.

You have a model in your head of what you expect in a relationship. You may not be able to find a man to fit that model. He may be out there, but it is a numbers game and while you limit yourself to one guy, you are out of the game. The stricter your expectations, the more likely you will be disappointed.

Rethink all of your expectations. You may need more than one man, or woman, to meet them.

Abuse. That is reprehensible, so think about why abusive guys like you or why respectable guys stay away.

You must like something about it. If you keep picking abusive guys, then you may get off on that shouting, pushing and not know it; but it is uncontrolled and therefore harmful. Try this experiment: Find a nice guy into BDSM (does not have to involve sex) and try it.

I had a girlfriend who wanted me to tie her up and hit her with a stick. It is not my thing, but it was hers. She would never stand for it being real, but she definitely thrived on it when make-believe.

Think about what kind of guy likes your kind of girl? If it isn't right, then you have to change.

[Stacyzee]

I appreciate your very well written , detailed response. However , I think you misinterpreted my entire article. I clearly stated in my article that we aren't talking about simple character flaws that can be overlooked. We are talking about deal breakers.
EX - Out of five boyfriends , 4 of them have cheated and physically battered the same woman.
I am saying to people in extreme circumstances to rethink their decisions. There's a reason why they keep attracting the wrong types of people. It is because they are allowing any type of person into their lives.

If you see a road is damaged before driving down it. Will you continue to take that path? Or a different one?

This article goes far beyond simple lies he/she said. And real physical abuse , not bdsm.

[Sara413]

People tend to enter into relationships that mimic the one (s) they grew up around. So people who grew up in abusive homes or with parents who fought constantly will tend towards relationships like that later on in life unless and until they consciously choose to break that cycle.

It also doesn't help that the more times a different person treats them like that, a person will begin to normalize that type of behaviour and will begin to believe it is how they deserve to be treated/that they can't do any better.

[Stacyzee]

Nice addition. Very true.

[XRabbitHeartX]

Nice Take..

bad experience tend to cloud my judgement but I have also realized that mostly it's kinda my own fault cause I don't do a good enough job of filtering the wrong guys out. I get lost in infatuation or fantasies and end up forgetting what really matters to me.

[AthleticMom]

Seems to be that I value some attributes more than others and live with the imperfections, not to discount that The World will also have its way good/bad over both of us. Thus it's best to focus on the GOOD and ignore the BAD in order to celebrate life, our choices and The One we chose to nourish and hold closer than others. Life is not about perfections, it's about LOVE... such a concept is detailed in The Bible

[Stacyzee]

This goes beyond just simple imperfection which I highlighted in my article.
I am speaking about extreme things: If you know this person is a cheater, physical abuser, before hand to do proceed in a relationship with him.
I am not speaking about small things such as:
I dislike how this person dresses, or if they are untidy.

[AthleticMom]

... as am I
(sigh)

[Stacyzee]

"Thus it's best to focus on the GOOD and ignore the BAD in order to celebrate life". If this is your outlook on life in general, then I agree! Focus on the good aspects of life instead of dwelling on the bad.
However, if you are narrowing that quote down to a specific individual then I don't agree. Some things are so bad that they cannot be ignored.

[AthleticMom]

Of course I agree
that person was a bad choice but we selected them based upon their better qualities we hold as higher priorities
thus if later the BAD begins to outweigh the GOOD
then we realize things change
or we were blinded by temporary insanity (love hate)
so GOODBYE
and shop anew

[Stacyzee]

Yes, that is what I am pretty much saying. If it continuously happens then you have to see that there's a deeper underlying problem.
Thanks for commenting and sharing that beautiful outlook on life.
I think more of us need that.

[Stacyzee]

Also, may I add I hope you are not taking any offense to my reply to you. I just like people to clarify things so the understanding is clear.
<3 Good day!

[Scrambledagain]

Although I fully agree with your take, many people (especially nice or shy guys) dont have a choice. Its either settle for somebody you don't really like (welcome to the world of millions of Ashley Madison users and high demand for legal prostitution) or be alone. Options are for women generally while men have to generally "get lucky"

[Stacyzee]

Wow , I only think you're doing yourself an injustice when you settle for someone. It's sad that Is your experience.

[Scrambledagain]

It is sad. Is it unjust? Well nobody said life was fair or just. It's mostly my experience but I do see this a lot in the world as well. i believe the "settling" for someone is the main reason behind divorces. Beggars can't be choosers.

[skykidx1]

I disargee. Nice guys dont have to settle for anyone. Im a very shy person.. it takes awhile for me to feel confortable being myself around new people, but guest what? I won't just settle for anyone

[vishna]

I think you were on the right tract, but this doesn't really help. It's spoken in vague phrases. No hate, I just think this could have been hashed out better.

[Stacyzee]

I have to disagree. I don't think it's vague being that there were examples given of situations in the very beginning.
Also, my main focus wasn't for me to tell a story (like some people hoped), it was for me to emphasis that peoples pattern behavior is what causes them to keep choosing the same types of people in life.

Thanks for your honest opinion , in a respectable manner.

[Stacyzee]

*emphasize

[Stacyzee]

And operate like a filter to select better options. That is my main focus of this entire article.

[prettylittleblossom]

I pushed away someone I really love for those same reasons. They weren't treating me right. I wish things were different. It sucks but it is what it is.

[prettylittleblossom]

And they probably feel the same about me. Who knows.

[Stacyzee]

@Iamyourneighbor This response is to her since she could not handle me replying and immediately blocked me: Apparently responding to an answer, means I am getting defensive.
Nice to know that you jump the gun.
What else to expect from a user like you?
I was attempting to explain my article because I didn't think you understood it's idea.
That's all!
But to you... that means starting a fight? I guess it's because you want one.
It seems like you have a problem because you draw huge implications.
I'm not sure why you feel the need to speak about disagreements I've had on this site, with users
who use trollish behavior, and an anonymous identity to insult others.
You cannot tell me not to respond on my OWN take, where I am getting a notification,
If you don't like me then don't read! Simple !

[prettylittleblossom]

I'm confused by your reply to my post. I was just saying that I recently had to learn to set boundaries with people I love. It's really tough and I may not have gone about in the best manner. But I was just basically agreeing with your take.

[Stacyzee]

No that reply wasn't to you. I only posted there because this user chose to block me for no reason. I typed all of that and didn't want to delete it. If she sees it then that message is to her.
Sorry for the confusion

[prettylittleblossom]

Oh okay. :)

[SIGguy]

3/4, I was lied to, ignored physically/emotionally, and abused mostly emotionally but partially physically (by her friends).

[SIGguy]

It says verbally abused, but that can be emotionally damaging, too.

[Stacyzee]

Yes, I am aware of the psychological effects of verbal abuse. I think many people know it contributes to emotional distress.

[LittleSally]

It's true. When this happens so often you get to find the only common denominator is you.
Logic dictates - you're the problem. 👻

[John_Doesnt]

Because they're all the wrong person. It took me a while to figure out that I like being alone and antisocial. I'll never find the "right person" because they don't exist and I don't really care.

[iamyourneighbor]

That's funny because some women criticize other women for being single for a long time yet when a woman gets into a relationship she is applauded then scorned by some women if the relationship does not work out and she leaves the relationship

[Stacyzee]

I'm not sure where you are drawing your implication from.
This article applies to BOTH genders.
So not sure where you are getting women condemning other women from.
Also,
My pain purpose in this article is to have people recognize that they are exhibiting behavioral patterns that causes them to keep choosing those who will mistreat them.
Example: A person is with has had 5 different relationships.
Out of those 5 , 4 of those people were verbally and physically abusive.
There's a reason why this pattern keeps continuing, isn't there?
It's not purely bad luck.

[iamyourneighbor]

I'm not sure why you are always getting defensive on your mytakes

[iamyourneighbor]

Lol you are all like "you don't agree with me? Well you can't think right!" When I was not disagreeing at all. Apparently users need to kiss your ass for you to cooperate with them. I simply listed my opinion. You don't like it? Don't respond 😂

[abundantlyrich]

They settle for less and won't admit they are lonely.

[gobsmacked3]

Excuse my crassness, but some people like the smell of their own shit. Meaning they always feel comfort being with it

[VRosetano]

Bullet #2 should be in all caps and boldfaced/underlined. That's been the story of my life.

[CancerianMan81]

the thing is and I'm seeing more of a pattern with women anymore cause they want to have entitlement and always want to pull the female privilege card cause want to have everything

[WeeGeeTheSecond]

This is way too vague to be any useful. Kudos to you for trying though.

[Stacyzee]

How could it be vague when I listed actual examples in the beginning. Perhaps your brain capacity is large enough to take in information. Kudos to you for attempting to read past your abilities! <3 Good day!

[Stacyzee]

*Perhaps your brain capacity is too small to take in information. (correction)

[James19]

Amazing take. I learned something from it.

[BackInGame]

Yet another take that applies to players (very hot guys).

[Stacyzee]

Too bad you don't have the capacity to see past your assumption.
I stated different scenarios in this take.
Not once did I even specify which gender I was speaking about because clearly this applies to both sexes.
Reading and comprehension skills go a far way.

[BackInGame]

thanks. now gimme like.

[lilac_flowers]

Wonderful post.