The Friendzone doesn't exist

[IamNuts]

I've seen quite a few questions and myTakes on this topic recently and so I thought it wouldn't hurt to share my views on it as well.

I personally think the term "Friendzone" is kind of dumb. The reason I think it's dumb is because the so called friendzone doesn't really exist. First of all when a women rejects a man, for whatever reason it maybe, there are only two things that a man can do; either move on with his life or remain friends. Whining about being friendzoned is not one of these things.
Being friends with someone means appreciating them as a person and if you can't do that then you're simply not their friend, so move on.

The Friendzone is not real

The friendzone is a misogynistic, bullshit make believe land "nice guys" have come up with to demonize women for not wanting to date them, for exercising her right to say no. It's an excuse to ignore the fact that there might be a reason(s) for a woman to reject them or refuse to have sex with them like not being physically attracted to them or not being able to connect with them on an emotional level.

Healthy dating is two people who both want to be in a relationship with each other. When one of them doesn't want a relationship, the other should respect their boundaries and seek a relationship elsewhere.

When it comes to the friendzone, one or both of the parties agree that they are friends under a misguided concept, when they are not. This inevitably leads to the person who rejected the relationship offer to become annoyed and bothered by the person who was rejected, while the one who is rejected constantly tries to change the rejection leading to both of them wasting their time.

The friend zone is an imaginary place made up by cowardly guys who think basic human decency entitles them to attention, affection, or sex from women, but in truth such an expectation is itself incompatible with basic human decency

Movies are not real life

The incorrect notion of the friendzone is often perpetuated by the false claims made in romance movies that being someone's servant and / or pretending to be their friend will eventually lead to them agreeing to a relationship.

Remember "Just Friends" anyone? Yeah that movie that starred Ryan Reynolds as the main character in which he was always just a friend to the love of his life... that is until the end where she just "magically" falls in love with him. Movies like this are what puts the idea into people's heads that if they wait out the friendzone, the women responsible for their distress will just wake up one day and realize they're in love with them. Only if life was that simple.

Respect a woman's Boundaries

When a woman says no, it means no, period. Any attempt to change this, to "soften the blow" or offer pretend friendships is a waste of everyone's time.

Respect yourself and those around you. Say no to fake friendships, to pretending to be with someone, to selling yourself short to get someone who doesn't want you.

[Anonymous]

To me, the friendzone does exist & "Just Friends" is an accurate portrayal of the friendzone & how to get out of it.

Possible reasons why Jaime had a change of heart (how to get out of it):
1. In her eyes, Chris was always a true caring friend to her, she didn't know how much of a bitter jerk he really was & how he used women, but he also wasn't a total creep like Dusty
2. Their age (maturity sets in & people begin settling in their 30s),
3. Chris was now hot (sexually attractive) & paid attention to his hygiene, grooming, & style of dress
4. Chris was successful (he was gainfully employed).
5. Jaime's ego was definitely riding high, it's a turn on knowing someone has carried a torch for you for years.

Had Chris been an unattractive bum, I highly doubt Jaime would have been open to dating him. Chris would have remained just a friend or perhaps a one night stand (pity sex).

I do agree some guys use "the friendzone" term to "demonize women for not wanting to date them & as an excuse to ignore the fact that there might be a reason (s) for a woman to reject them or refuse to have sex with them like not being physically attracted to them or not being able to connect with them on an emotional level."

This is true, but the friendzone does exist.

It's nothing wrong with offering friendship if you are not attracted to the person. What is wrong, is stringing the person along for perks & ego boosts. I say person, because both girls & guys can be friendzoned.

[rjroy3]

^The truth.

I'm starting to think so many girls say it doesn't exist, because at one point they lead someone on like this and don't want to admit it to themselves.

[Anonymous]

It's easy for a female to believe the "friendzone" doesn't exist, especially since most females actually believe that men and women can simply be friends without there being sexual desire from the male towards the female.

A guy who says he is your "friend" is ONLY doing that because YOU have not allowed it to be more than that. Therefore, as a female, YOU do NOT have ANY male friend who would not jump at the opportunity to have sex with you. If you ask them flat out, many will deny it because of the possibility of rejection or looking like a "perv" or offending you, but in an actual situation where they honestly felt you were interested back... or if someone asked who wouldn't tell you (so NOT your girlfriends). They would admit it.

The friend-zone is a term for the false belief women have that a guy is nice to her and wants to spend time with her, just because he wants to be "her friend".

If you want to talk about items which actually don't exist... "Straight Male Friends who are not interested in your sexually" DON'T EXIST!

[MrVintz]

You make some good comments but you disregard the anatomical and psychological differences between the genders.

You assume that because it is no difficulty for a woman to faciliate a friendship with a male friend that she deems attractive that it is the same for a man. In fact, the biology and chemical make up of a man make it a far more unpleasureable experience to spend time with an attractive female who does not reciprocate sexual interest.

The friend zone is an abstract concept which in design is there to accomodate both male and female perspectives. I agree, that whining about the friend zone is pathetic - either a girl likes a guy romantically or she doesn't and the male does have those two options.

At the same time, women seek a sense of security externally through relationships and environments which men are able to find within themselves. Men (generally speaking) do not have the requirement to assocaite romance and security together for instance. There is no strict requirement for a man to build attraction through rapport for instance.

The visually stimulated male will find it difficult to accept a friendship with a female who doesn't reciprocate his romantic interest because it is quite literally an unfair trade - unless both parties really are mutually beneficial as friends.

That being said, your response was quite interesting and raised some points - but overall, I do think there is a friendzone and with a good function.

There are women out there who keep romantic suitors on the shelf as 'friends', who will even lead them on and flirt with them to keep them around as a means of societal security. Some girls will have "back up" guys in their friend zone.

Sadly, men and women will always continue to see the world a little differently. For women, a sense of rapport and identification with a person is usually a pre-requisite - however that isn't the case for men. Men can often feel used or manipulated by accepting a role in the friendzone - and that is their mistake - not the female's... if a man wants only more than friendship, he should accept no less.

I think the friendzone encourages men to decide whether they can truly accept a non-sexual relationship with a girl after rejection, and that can only be positive to both genders in terms of mutual respect and consideration.

[IamNuts]

"The friend zone is an abstract concept" Exactly the definition of friendzone differs from person to person, and like I said on jjmarvin's post "so how can such a place exist when the place everyone's referring to isn't even the same place."

[MrVintz]

Then romance doesn't exist either right? Abstract concept. Different for everyone...
And the definition of "friend zone" is not really different for everyone anyway. It's either:

The Friend Zone: a mental bracket in which male suitors are categorised when a female is happy to offer platonic friendship with no seeming indication of potential romantic interest. I think however we would word it, it would effectively come to the same definition.

This whole perspective just strikes me as a means to attack indirectly those men that cannot accept no for an answer - which has nothing to do with this subject whatsoever.

[HorrorFan]

The friend zone IS a real thing. It's just a form of unrequited love.

First off, not every situation involves a man putting himself in a position to be rejected. One or both of the people could propose a friendship from the beginning due to various circumstances not necessarily involving one rejecting the other. There could easily be mutual attraction there and for various reasons it's never acted upon and enough time passes that one of the two people view it as a bit too bizarre or a bit too brotherly/sisterly to ever change the dynamic.

The friend zone is not misogynistic. Women can be friend zoned! Hell, some women on this site have asked "How can I convince him that I'm perfect for him and better than his current girl." Which is a pretty devious way to get around being friend zoned, but you know... human nature, I suppose.

Here's the thing. We as a society are taught to fight, scrape and claw our way to the top. We are taught to aim for the best. Go for the gusto! Don't settle for second place! Blah blah blah. Of course this mentality is going to bleed into our dating life. No one wants to just accept the fact that someone they have feelings for views them as undesirable. Walking away is... difficult for many. In an ideal world, sure, everyone would be able to walk away without thinking twice about it and move on... but we are humans and it isn't that easy.

I agree movies are very poor representations of reality. Sadly, it constantly tells men that eventually a girl will realize she loves him or that it will be revealed that the guy the girl is currently with is actually evil or a huge asshole. Just like all those movies that tell women that there is a Prince Charming out there, just waiting to sweep her off her feet. Instead of you know... maybe accepting the fact that you will have to settle for less than perfection.

Respecting a woman's boundaries has nothing to do with anything. Human beings do a lot of things they shouldn't do. Their brain and their hearts don't always match up.

Ultimately, a large portion of male/female relationships will have one having stronger feelings than the other. Just like everything else in life, this is handled in a variety of ways. Some good. Some sad. Some annoying for everyone.

[TheSkaFish]

So what is someone supposed to do then? Just give up, and settle for a relationship with someone that you don't have any real desire to be in your life just as an insurance policy against being alone? Settle for a passionless relationship that feels like a freaking job?

That's why I say keep fighting the friendzone, keep looking for a way out, there's got to be some way to show her you're better than being "just a friend". Because the alternative is a lifetime of quiet desperation, kicking yourself and wishing you'd known what to do when you needed to know it, so it could have gone differently.

[HorrorFan]

You just have to keep on looking, man. Don't get so hung up on one particular girl, no matter how much you think she's perfect.. Keep in mind that if you keep on fighting for someone in particular, often times the best case scenario at that point is that she settles for YOU.

Settling is way more prevalent than people want to admit to. Society expects everyone to be with someone. We can't always find our Prince (ss) Charming. It's depressing, but look at the divorce rates. People think they know what they want, but they don't.

Continue to try fighting your way out of the friend zone if you want, but try to not have an emotional breakdown in the process.

[TheSkaFish]

For me to just keep looking won't do anything... I have met very, very few women in my entire life that have what I'm looking for and would make me feel like are enriching my life, like they are special. And they aren't really a "type" of person that I can look for in a particular place. It was random chance that I met them at all.

And, unlike most women, and most people for that matter, these were the kind that I could actually have something to talk about with. That doesn't happen too often. I check OKCupid and POF all the time, and there's never anyone on there that I see any possible connection with. This one girl wasn't perfect by any means, but even so, we could talk really well and she was a lot more attractive and interesting than most girls I've ever met and am likely to meet again.

I have to keep trying. The stakes simply are that high.

[lonerider]

The same women who say that a guy is not entitled to a relationship just for being nice, cry when guys have sex with them and never call back. So, according to your logic, the man who fucks a woman and disappears is not an asshole, right? Because no woman is entitled to commitment just because she is a good fuck. (APPLYING YOUR LOGIC HERE)

Now, before you people start bashing me, let me give you my point of view- The friendzone exists. Only immature/inexperienced people say that it doesn't exist.

-Who is responsible for it?
100% man and 0% woman. A man has a choice to walk away, but he doesn't and keeps whining about it.

- Is there absolutely no fault of the woman?
Good woman? none. But not all women are good women. Many bad women purposely lead the man on, giving him hope to use his resources. do you really think such women don't exist?

- Are all the men stuck in the friendzone assholes?
Absolutely no. Why do you have to assume that every man wants sex out of a girl? I know both kinds of men- who just want sex and who actually want a romantic relationship ( cuddling, late night talks, sleeping under the stars and all) stuck in the friendzone. But as there are good women and bad women, there are good guys and bad guys.

- What is my experience about the friendzone?
The love of my life rejected me 6 years back. ( yes- 6 years. I was 14.) and what did she say? " i like you as a friend'. What feeling did it generate in me? sadness and grief. anger? nopes. Till this day, I wake up thinking about her and sleep thinking about her. And what do I want with her? nothing. When i was religious (I come from a Hindu background), whichever God I prayed to.. I just asked to keep her happy. I vanished from her life for 3 solid years so that we both could forget each other and be happy with different people. And I was in multiple relationships after that but still I care about her. I realize that not everybody can like everybody else. I was friendzoned and I have friendzoned people. But that's just a part of life.

Anyways, if you managed to read this far.. you are a good reader and I like you already. Have a cookie :)

[IamNuts]

"The same women who say that a guy is not entitled to a relationship just for being nice, cry when guys have sex with them and never call back." Wow talk about generalizing people.

"So, according to your logic, the man who fucks a woman and disappears is not an asshole, right? Because no woman is entitled to commitment just because she is a good fuck. (APPLYING YOUR LOGIC HERE)"
And what logic is that? There is absolutely no relation between a woman exercising her right to say no and a man disappearing after having sex with a woman. How did you even end up comparing these two vastly differing events is beyond me.
Like I already said in my take it is impossible for a man and a woman to remain friends after being rejected by the other one.

[ArchDruidMordred]

Nom nom ^_^

[lonerider]

The man is also exercising his right to say 'no' to a relationship.

[CriticalStrike]

One day I met a girl in trouble through a common acquaintance. She was in a make-or-break it situation decisive for her life that couldn't solve herself and nobody cared for her, not even her parents, and I helped her make it. Then, though our common acquaintance, I discovered she didn't have any friends and I assumed it was due to her shyness and tendency to depression. On top of that she was going through a serious recurring medical condition. I felt sorry for her because I saw a sick and lonely person and I wanted to be there to help. I wasn't thinking about relationship back then because even though she was kind of cute I viewed her as just a kid and she was going to move anyway. On top of that, she had a boyfriend at the time.

So I tagged along. She was in constant need of help and couldn't solve anything by herself. She told me about all the bad stuff that happened to her. I slowly started to grow fonder of her because she looked quite mature and intelligent for her age. I started to love her calm demeanor, elegance and dreamy attitude. I also started to see a lot of similarities between me and her. That's about the time when she started flirting with me. Now, there are two kinds of flirting, one gets your sex desire and one strikes deep to the heart. Rubbing your bum on someone's crotch belongs to the first kind, searching for someone's hand and looking in the eyes with a big smile belongs to the second kind. She did a lot of the second type in a lot of ways, and kept complimenting me about my looks and qualities. The flirting was so strong that my friends started asking if there was something between us, girls including. She also freaked out when she knew I was hanging out with my she friends. Before I knew I was in love. I wanted to be there for her and make her happy, but she had a boyfriend and was going to move anyway, so I decided to hang in there and endure until she moved. Even then I kept my distance. Sure I was there to help when needed but I wasn't a friend and wasn't going to be, and I assumed a mentor like role. It was excruciating, I kept dreaming about her departure and I kept wondering if something could be possible between us.

[CriticalStrike]

One day her parents decided not to move. I decided to make a move even she had a boyfriend since she didn't seem very attached to him. I wanted to know what was going on because the uncertainty and the doubt were driving me crazy. All I needed was a yes or no. I asked her out and I specified I wanted to be just the two of us. She agreed. Good sign right? When we were alone I asked if she still was with her boyfriend and she said she didn't. Then I asked her. She started giving excuses and I understood she didn't want a relationship with me. Trying to relieve her I told her to tell me she didn't want to date and it was ok since I loved her anyway and needed to clear my mind on what kind of relationship we were heading to. But she said that she didn't see me as just a friend and that she couldn't say yes because I was catching her unawares. Even though she didn't directly deny that she wanted a relationship I took it as a no.

[CriticalStrike]

I was putting myself in the mindset of just being friends and was ready to move on with my feelings when something happened. She started seeking me out in private far more often than she did earlier. When I had to meet her through our common acquaintance she started to tell me to be there earlier so we could spend time alone. As a result, I started asking to see her in private and she agreed every time. She sought my gaze and smiled more often. She sweet talked me even more. She sent me romantic landscape photos and sang romantic songs in my presence. She started to confess me stuff about her, held my hand and so on. My hope returned and I fell even deeper for her. The situation went on where she was giving me all the sings of wanting a relationship but the actual physical intimacy and I assumed she wanted to know me better before starting to go physical.

[CriticalStrike]

One day I discovered she had a boyfriend. She had it since little later I asked her out and apparently they were serious. She never mentioned it and when she was with him and I asked her to hang out she used the excuse she was bedridden and couldn't move. The sky fell on me. I hung there to see if she was going to clear things up. She didn't and I decided to cut her out.

[CriticalStrike]

One day, during a private meeting, I told her that I knew she had a boyfriend and that I preferred if we didn't see each other again. She tried to keep me by giving more false hopes, she told me how she didn't care about her boyfriend, that it was nothing serious, how she felt great with me and that she was starting to feel different towards me. Then, when she realized she wasn't going to persuade me, she started to ask for friendship instead, she said how important I was to her as a friend and how a great friend I am. I told her after all happened, after all the sweet talk, the cuddles and the good times I wasn't going to be able to see her as a friend anymore. She said we should stop seeing each other for a while and recover the friendship some time in the future. It's funny when she realized I wasn't going to believe any more false hopes all of a sudden she clearly said she just want friendship.

[CriticalStrike]

I denied the option for a future friendship and said there's no turning back from my feelings and decisions. I felt no anger towards her even though she led me on hard, the pain was so overwhelming that sunk any other feeling, and I didn't call her out.

[CriticalStrike]

Then, talking to some people I realized she wasn't the person she wanted me to believe she was. She cheated multiple times with her old boyfriend. Our common hobbies, opinions, the things she told me about herself, the secrets she revealed to me, all the things I thought we had in common were lies and deceptions. The poor bedridden, dreamy, emotional girl didn't exist. Sure she had a condition, but it didn't stop her from fucking like crazy since the self proclaimed serious girl went through many fuck buddies since I knew her. I even discovered that when I took a day off work to drive her to the hospital she wasn't feeling sick, she just needed a prescription for... uh... let's say other stuff. In the end I don't know what hurts more, if being lead on and never officially rejected or knowing the person I loved didn't exist.

[CriticalStrike]

I saw her one day at the mall, she was with her (or maybe one of hers) boyfriends. She took the trouble of walking through the crowded hall hand to hand with her boyfriend to greet me. I know she meant to hurt me, and she managed to. That's the kind of person she was.

[CriticalStrike]

I didn't felt anger when I bade my farewell, I do now alongside with pain. I still dream her having sex with seven guys at the same time, or I dream her dying alone in her bed while I look at her through a window, not able to go in and say goodbye. That is, when I actually manage to sleep because often I can't sleep thinking about what the fuck happened, why she played with me even if I made clear that I was willing to accept friendship. Sometimes I feel guilty for abandoning her, sometimes I feel depressed, sometimes I feel angry.

Now, tell me again how I am the bad guy and how I am a misogynist entitled bastard.

[Bandit74]

I think the friendzone does exist but the best way to "get out of it" is to move on and stop devoting all your time to a person who isn't going to reciprocate you feelings. Whining about it does nothing.

I also think guys who try to start out as friends first and hope for it to turn into more are retarded. I'm sure it works out in some cases but for the most part, starting out as friends is a bad idea.

On this site I've seen countless questions posted by girls asking about how to get their fuckbuddy to want more. I almost never see questions where girls ask about hot to get their platonic male friend to want more.

So the way I see it is girls are more likely to develop feelings for their fuckbuddy than they are to develop feelings for their male friends.

So I'd say starting out as friends with benefits is better than starting off as friends because you get your answer sooner.

For example.. Let's say Bob decides to be friends with Sally and hopes for it to turn into more. Then after a few months he tells her how he feels and gets rejected.

Had he asked her from the get go to be fuckbuddies, even if he gets denied, at least it would have been upftont.

[nativepride73]

I honestly really don't know what's wrong with the "friendzone" whether it be real or not. If I attracted to someone, usually it begins as a friendship, if it goes farther and develops into a romantic relationship, great, if not, then if I still like the person I can do so as a friend and not a lover. I have been "friendzoned" by a girl before and it was fine because at least I was able to remain friends with them instead of having to completely end all contact. I have also "friendzoned" girls who I like as friends but wouldn't want to date for whatever reason, so it does go both ways.

I think the people who complain the most about it are people who feel like they desire something from girls simply because they like them and are nice to them, like you said. But also they more often then not, players or wannabe players who can't handle rejection. I believe its people who believe in the "friendzone" are those who think that girls and guys can't be close friends without being romantically involved. It doesn't have to be. Yes, it can happen and those relationships often work out great because they know they are already compatible. If they stay friends, great too because its provides a different type of friendship and relationship than a person of the same gender could offer.

[circlebill]

I'm amazed when people try to argue about the existence of the "friendzone"! There's really nothing to argue about! Say a guy approaches a girl he doesn't know and tries to start a friendly conversation. She tells him, "Get lost jerk!" and walks away. That is just plain, outright rejection! There's no "friendzone" in this case!

The same guy tries again with a different girl. This time time, the girl shares a friendly conversation and they exchange phone numbers! The two begin seeing each other as friends. The guy later tells the girl that he really likes her and wants her to be his girlfriend! She says, "You're so sweet and wonderful, but I only like you as a friend and that's all!." This is the "friendzone"! The relationship has been limited to platonic friendship! What is there to argue about?

The "friendzone" i's NOT just plain, outright, total rejection like in the first example. When a girl considers a guy to be good enough for a friendship, but NOT a romance, that is the "friendzone" and it DOES exist! What is there to argue about?

[krtek]

Aargh, what an awful system, I can't downvote the author of the article!

Friendzone is a parasitic relationship between (usually) a guy and a girl. Girls have about 10 times weaker sexual drive, and don't care about sex nearly as much. A girl is happy in a relationship where she gets all the admiration, but doesn't give guy what he cares about the most: sex and very close intimacy he may be craving. So a girl becomes an energy vampire for the guy. She basks in his love - let's not beat around the bush - shining with reflected light. The guy feels emotionally drained, it lowers his self esteem, courage and willpower. He's also a trophy to show other girls. She might not do that consciously, but it feels good to her. It also feels good to the guy, _initially_. In the same sense that badgers enjoy sweets and fruit, and will eat them voraciously, but if they eat too much their teeth rot. Ultimately, she doesn't respect him as a man, and that hurts.

Girl, if you think friendzone doesn't exist, do stay close to a guy who rejected you. He might try to use you for sex, but you will not have his affection and respect.

[allahu_snackbar]

The "FRIENDZONE" is basically a situation where dude doesn't have a chance with a girl but can't accept it and she uses his dumb ass for ego massage and all kinds of other shit because she knows he's into her and hopes to be more than friends. She will never admit to what she's doing and she'll play dumb, saying he's just a good friend, he won't ever accept he doesn't have a chance. So it exists and guys in it need to learn to cut their losses and girls who do that to guys need to learn not to be such fucking bitches.
*Guys can also do this to girls and the same shit applies in reverse, although it's much less common.

[Transigence]

Whenever you say something doesn't exist, you're just trying to control the language. There is a phenomenon that happens to guys a lot, where he pursues her, but she isn't interested, and instead of acknowledging his interest (and rejecting him), she keeps it up in the air like he might have a chance so as to continue to receive whatever goodies she's getting from him that she would not be were his hopes appropriately dashed.

We call this the friend zone, and it exists. Whatever other nonsense you're on about that isn't this, isn't what we're talking about when we say "friend zone."

[Sindi]

I agree with this, I've seen and confronted women that do this. But not every woman that rejects a guy has the intention to take and abuse his wallet and services. If one in a 100 women does that, why point the finger on the other 99?

[Transigence]

@Sindi Personally, I'm not pointing "the finger" at anyone. If I am, it's the myTake owner for being disingenuous.

Most of the men I talk with about this aren't pointing the finger at all women -- we're generally talking about just the ones who do this (by virtue of the conversation that we're having). Unless someone says something like, "women always do this," or "all women do this," it's not an indictment on the whole sex.

[IamNuts]

Well you're definition of friendzone and mine regardless to say obviously differs.
And if you'd bother reading the opinions you'd see the same does for a lot of people as well.
So please don't go around calling people's opinions nonsense just because it doesn't meet your definition.

[ccp16]

While 'nice guys' have totally taken over what friend zone means, I still refuse to say it does not exist- simply because it hurts women's power. I think everyone has either liked someone and not had the reciprocated feelings, or had someone pursue you and you don't feel the same. It doesn't even have to be based off physical looks or gender (again why I say nice guys kidnapped this term). I friend zoned one girl who was a tall, thin blonde beautiful girl because I knew it simply would never work between us. Now we are great friends and she has moved on- this is the true definition of friend zone and it does exist!

[IamNuts]

@ccp16 But don't you see that's the point, everyone has a different definition of "friendzone", and like I said on a post below, how can such a place exist when the place everyone's referring to isn't even the same place. 😕

[ccp16]

Everyone's idea of what America is and should be is different, yet no one goes around saying America does not exist as a result... I understand from a logical and philosophical side where you are coming from (philosophy major) and yes, in that way you are right. But outside of logical debate, in the real world, this does not help the situation for either gender, or would the majority of people simply state the friend zone does not exist because we all have different interpretations of it.

[GreatnessPersonified]

Thank you.
Drop some knowledge on these weak fools.
whatistheexcel.com/.../...%20paul_heyman%20wwe.gif

[IamNuts]

That gif 😐

[Jamin_Beast]

uhmmm. The friend zone is when a woman 'or man!' chooses not to enter into a romantic type relationship with someone and wishes to stay as generic friends. it is not gender specific so how can it possibly be mysoginist!!!

Men are more frequently friend zoned then woman because they are stereotyped and forced to 'go after' a girl and persue her. leaving the choice to her as to wether she wants to engage in a relationship with him. But this is not always the case.

Of course you are entitled to an opinion. But please do not hate on men about gender neutral cases

[IamNuts]

Yet another definition of friendzone, regardless to say my definition of the friendzone is different from yours and is in fact misogynistic.

[Jamin_Beast]

In that case I am sorry to say that you have been either misinformed about the meaning of the saying. or are in fact just trying to use the saying to get sympathy for being a woman in this obvioisky oppressive world

[RandomUsername3464]

I have never been upset about this "friendzone", I agree guys complain about it too much, but you went too far by calling the term "misogynistic". It's like you are implying that if a guy gets sad about a girl, he is literally misogynistic in doing so. You are yet another female GaGer that constantly attempts to invalidate the feelings of other guys by claiming misogyny constantly. I actually thought that you had a higher intellect than to resort to using such a petty, worn-out, trendy insult, but I guess I was wrong.

[Transigence]

Invalidating men's experience is what these gender ideologues do. Good that you noticed it here.

[Someguy17]

Just another feminist who completely lacks the ability to see outside of her own little bubble. The friend zone does exist. Women use it as a way to extract resources from men without having sex with them. The take is right about it being disingenuous, because it is, on both sides.

This is a perfect situation for the woman. She can reject a guy she doesn't like, but reject softly and ask for friendship. Then she can go with whoever she likes and use the rejected guy for all sorts of favors while stringing him along and giving him hope in the friendzone. I've seen tons of women do this, and had it done to me in my younger years. Hell, one of my exes had about 10 guys she was doing this to.

The guy that plays along with this is either inexperienced or insane, but not misogynistic. And don't tell me it doesn't exist, because it happens all of the time.

[IamNuts]

I can't be bothered to read all that but I just want to make it clear that I'm not a feminist.
And like I said these are my "views" on the topic, I don't really care whether you agree with them or not.

[IamNuts]

"Women use it as a way to extract resources from men without having sex with them. "
Also your definition of the friendzone is different from mine and apparently quite a few others as well.

[R3d_Anonymous]

I'm just going to copy my most upvoted opinion on the friendzone from months ago:

"Amen. Getting friendzoned just simply means that she didn't like you back. If she did, you wouldn't be friendzoned!

It's a fallacy, to think you can manipulate yourself out of the friendzone. You can't. It just happens if it's meant to be.

There are also couples that started as friends. Those were meant to be, so they eventually evolved into a couple."

[TheSkaFish]

I really don't agree with all this "meant to be" stuff. If that were the case, then a lot of people are just "fated" to be miserable, either to be in passionless relationships with people they don't really care about because it's that or nothing, or worse, single for life.

Besides, there's too many people that get consistent results, whether for good or bad. Some people always get the ones they want. Others always get friendzoned by the ones they want, and only have success with ones that they aren't into, or they have no success at all. But either way, it's always consistent. I think it's a pattern and I think it's cause-and-effect.

I feel like a girl friendzones/rejects a guy when she gets an impression of him that he did not intend to give. It's easy for a person to accidentally give a shabby impression of themselves, but that's not all they can ever be.

There's got to be a way to beat a rejection and get out of the friendzone. There's just got to.

[Justanothernerd2012]

Although I agree, I think there is a "Friendzone" that is real. See, a lot of whiny guys think friendzone is: "I did nice things to her and treated her nice and in a nice guy, but she still doesn't like me!" That's just stupid. But there is a REAL friendzone, which is: "My Ex acknowledged we were in a relationship, acted like nothing was wrong, and suddenly- without an explanation- left me." That is the real friendzone.

[IamNuts]

Yes the friendzone is a real thing but it's not what people think it is. I guess my title makes it confusing but I didn't really intend to come off as that way.

[Justanothernerd2012]

Oh no, I wasn't saying you're wrong! Simply adding icing to the cake, that's all :). You make good points here and explain them very clearly, so no problems with this take as far as I can see :D

[jjmarvin]

Friendzone is a really loose word.

I was seeing a girl for about a month and she told me she didn't want to ruin our friendship right as we were gonna have our first time together. We didn't know each other before dating.

That's what i see as friendzoning, when it's fake and disingenuous

[IamNuts]

That's the thing, I mean the term "friendzone" means different things to different people, so how can such a place exist when the place everyone's referring to isn't even the same place.

[jjmarvin]

Yea a while ago on reddit i wrote this whole thing about different usages. If I'd known about gag back then it'd have been a mytake

[Usaname]

What other term will refer to this? Think about it, friend-zone. One wants to be friends the other doesn't, only thing to do is to accept being friends and forget a relationship, or forget friendship, or get into a relationship. The "nice guys" and mysoginistic parts were just micro invalidations. Listen to cake - friend is a four letter word (love) in that song its like, moving on and just ending the friendship, a lot of fashion nugget songs go into this i think, i just got really high yesterday and listened to them and was like "whoooaaa"

[IamNuts]

"One wants to be friends the other doesn't" Like I already said two people can't be friends when one of them clearly doesn't want to.

[Usaname]

Okay, im just saying, because the word friend is in friendzone doesn't mean friendship, friend zone is a zone, and yeah i agree that being in that zone means nothing, but i wouldn't say it doesn't exist in the way friendship does, but its more like a stage of leading into one of those three things i said before

[Usaname]

Oops, okay it does exist but not in the way that friendship does, i was writin somethin else but erased part of it, i mean yeah, i wiah there was a better word for it, BUT REMEMBA, WORDZ CAN HAVE DIFFERENT MEANINGSSSSS, THEY ARE SYMBOLSSSSSSSS

[Anonymous]

The friend zone absolutely is real. It's when you make an impression on someone that you are good enough to be friends with but not good enough to date. In my experience it has happened when I have screwed up the impression I want to make with someone, and played up my flaws while downplaying my strengths - resulting in a bad impression because I didn't know better.

That's what's so frustrating about it to me. I didn't go into talking to this woman thinking, "gee, I really want to make her think I'm a boring un-confident pansy, yeah that will work". I made a bad impression of myself on accident and didn't see what I was doing wrong. If I could do things over again there is a lot I would have said and done differently and I really think I might have gotten the girl.

That's why I think there's got to be a way out though. If you can change how a person thinks of you, why not?