I've come to the conclusion that the way I see relationships and the way other people see them, are quite different. And, that is totally fine. Accept, with some relationship things I think people have unrealistic or fairy tale views about them. So, I just want to touch on some things I think people need to better understand about relationships.
*Side note* Before I start, I just want to ask if you read this and there's something you don't understand about what I said or what I meant, just ask me and I will gladly explain it. But, please don't make assumptions about me or what I meant and then base your comment on that. People have a way of twisting your words on here, so if you're confused, just ask. Okay?
Now, let's begin.
1. Good Doesn't Mean Pefect
I answered a question today in which the asker asked if guys like the character Josh Duhamel played in the movie Safe Haven, exist in real life. Her exact question was " Is there such a good man in real life?". I said that "yes that type of man exists but what her and other woman have to understand is that good doesn't mean perfect"
That is why this is on the list because I feel that people think because someone is good. Someone is kind. Someone is respectful, that they are not flawed that they never have moments of being human and being imperfect. So, when that person goes and says or does something that the person they are dating doesn't like or feels hurt by, they deem them "not the person I thought they were". When, that's really not true.
What You Need to Understand: Is that, being a good person with great qualities doesn't save you from being flawed. There is a HUGE difference between someone who always makes you feel horrible and someone who every now and then, say's something hurtful in the heat of the moment but over all they always treat you exceptionally well.
So, understand that good people exist but just because they are great doesn't mean they won't ever do or say something you don't like, because that's not realistic. We are all flawed human beings and we are bound to mistakes. But, the mistakes we make don't overshadow the good people that we are. As long as you understand that, you'll be fine and certainly less disappointed when you find out they are flawed.
2. Love Doesn't Happen Just Because You're Dating Someone
I think the fact that people fall in love so fast in this day and age, speaks to the dating world we currently live in. My mom and dad dated many a people before they met each other, my mom even dated a guy for 3 years but they never loved each other. Back in that day though, you could just date someone and be in a relationship without it being assumed that because you're dating, you're in love.
People think after like 6 months you should be in love, but that's not realistic. Dating is for the purpose of potentionally entering into a committed relationship with someone. Whether you end up falling in love or not, really just depends. But, logically to date 20 plus people and tell them all you love them but none of them turn out to be the one, is just crazy. So, either that person has really bad luck or they don't really know what love is and have an unrealistic view on things. My parents only said "I love you" to one person and that's each other. Everybody else, were just people they dated.
What You Need to Understand: Is true real love, happens once in your life (maybe twice if you're lucky). But, to be madly in love or expect after a certain time to be madly in love with them, is just very unrealistic. So, no one misconstrues what I'm saying. Can you date someone and grow to love them? Yes. But, there is a HUGE difference between loving them as a person and being in love with them. In your life, I suppose you'll love a lot of people (not all of them related to you) but you won't be in love with everyone. Because, falling in love (truly genuinely) is a rare thing. It's not something you're going to experience with everyone you date.
Also, people should understand that people fall in love at different speeds. Some fall in love right away and just know that they are. Others, it takes a little a longer because they have a wall over their heart from passed emotional damage and so it takes them longer to get there.
I believe, understanding these two things will help avoid any upset when you've been together a short time and they haven't expressed their undying love for you, after a week.
3. Relationships Are Just as Flawed as People
First let me start with, this whole "honeymoon phase" concept that we have for dating now, is news to me. The only time I've ever heard that phrase used is in reference to people that just got married, I believe that's why it's called the "honeymoon phase" to begin with. Because, after you get married and you come back from your honeymoon you're still in a state of bliss of being newlyweds. It wasn't until I came on here, that I heard it be used in reference to dating and that is probably why people break up so fast.
When you start a relationship and everything is completely perfect, you assume it will always be that way. Then when there's one sign of a problem or an obstacle, people freak out and bolt for the door because the relationship is no longer (in their mind) the perfect relationship it once was and was suppose to be. Much like number 1 on the list where I said "good doesn't mean perfect", that samething applies to relationships as well as people.
What You Need to Understand: Is much like people, no relationship will ever be perfect and it's unrealistic to assume it will be. People need to understand that when you first start seeing someone your main goal is to impress them enough to hopefully make them yours, but once you get that person for your own, you no longer feel the need to impress them as much and figure you can finally relax and be yourself. So, if a person is romantic to start with but stops once you've been together awhile. It doesn't mean that they are no longer romantic, it just means maybe they don't think they need to make as big of grand gestures as they once did because they figure you probably just know how they feel by now. However, that's not people take it and then they sometimes break up because of it.
That's why I feel this whole "honeymoon phase" in dating relationships is not very helpful and gives a person an unrealistic view about dating. You date to get to know each other and you'll have fun and get along great but it's not suppose to be SO perfect that it clouds your judgement and makes you freak when something about the relationship isn't perfect. No relationship will ever be perfect. No relationship will be without it's obstacles or hurdles to over come. No relationship will ever be free of human flaws and imperfections. There will always be something about the person you're with or relationship you have, that you discover you don't like so much. But, it doesn't it mean you should just pack it in and give up. It just means you need to go into things with a realistic mind set about relationships and people, so when trouble arises you can handle it properly. If you do that, you'll be fine.
So, this concludes this myTake. Just always keep a realistic perspective on relationships and people. If you do that, you'll be good as gold and probably not so shocked when imperfection and flaws come knocking at your relationship door. Thank you for reading.
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